Month: January 2024

When Someone Does Not Accept the Love that You Offer

/ inkspeare
Photo by M.A.D.

Valentine’s Day, the day we celebrate Love, is around the corner. As popular, as commercialized. Love, the center of it, takes second place to the over promoted material value that surrounds this day. From roses and fancy chocolates to diamonds and cars, these things are supposed to be representations of love, but sometimes, our loved ones take second place instead.

As writers, we imagine all kinds of romantic scenarios and portrait many kinds of love and motives for that love. We explore situations and “give life” to love through our characters. Love is expressed through by caring, sharing … for a person. Love is the biggest, most precious gift that you can offer someone. What happens when you want to love someone, but that person is unable to receive your love? What if you want to offer your love, care, and help, but that person is unable to accept it? What if your help and caring efforts are rejected, ignored, or simply disregarded? Each moment of rejection hurts not only the giver but the intended recipient who is not fit for accepting love, for whatever personal reason or circumstances.

Love can be a blessing, but it can also be a missed blessing when the object of care and affection refuses to accept it. At what point should you stop loving? I think NEVER. However, when someone rejects one’s love and does not want to be helped despite many efforts to reach out, there comes a time when it is best to realize that person has made a choice, and respecting it is also a way of loving that person and loving yourself, of letting go of the hurt of rejection and stepping back respectfully and in love. That person who is unable to see and accept love is unable to reciprocate or maybe even love themselves enough to feel worthy of being loved. Stepping back in love is an expression of love. Sometimes, it is the only thing you can do, to love that person who cannot see the love you are offering. When someone does not accept the love you offer, respect them, love them from afar, and pray for them. Place them in God’s hand.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. …

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Freedom, Material Detachment

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At the start of a new year, we are bombarded with commercials about weight loss, organizational systems, and anything that will sell a fresh start. Our society has embraced consumerism and “the more and bigger the better” modus operandi while taken it to new levels. This is a topic close to my heart and I should start by saying that I am not a minimalist, although I can appreciate all its benefits.

Throughout the years, I have learned to live with less and continue to do so. Each day is an opportunity to have one less material thing in my life. I still find beauty in things and certainly have my favorites. However, I have pared down quite a lot since I started my journey on living a simpler life. I honestly don’t see myself becoming a hardcore minimalist, but I truly believe in achieving a real balance between material needs and wants.

Pondering about this topic, the other day I asked myself the following question: What would I take with me if I were to leave my home? I find it a good mental and soul-searching exercise. One that lets you know how little you really need. I did this room by room, and my husband even played the game with me briefly, in our living room. The answer had to be significant for each item, and have meaning attached to it, a real reason for keeping the item. I was surprised at the very small number of items I came up with to keep (clothing did not count on this exercise, neither meds, etc.). The number really surprised me. I came up with less than 20 items in my entire home that had meaning and that I would consider taking along if I were to move. For example, my deceased grandmother’s rosary, and my deceased pet’s casted pawprints. It helped me understand a few truths. First, that I have more than I need. That not everything I own has meaningful value, and that I have detached from stuff considerably throughout the years. Also, that I can appreciate the beauty of something, I don’t necessarily need it, and I can live without it.

Many times, we spend so much money, energy, time, and effort in the material part of our existence without even realizing how much weight it puts on our daily living. I still like things, but I don’t need them for my existence or happiness; I think that is where real balance is found. When things don’t weigh in our lives and do not take priority over it, thus affecting other more important issues such as time, energy, financial well-being, time with loved ones … then, a balance has been found. This type of balance goes beyond decluttering. It is not just shedding stuff away, or of an organizational value, instead, it is centering and puts in perspective our material priorities and highlights meaningful value.

I encourage you to give this little exercise a try. It is eye opening, and fun too. Certainly freeing.

Writing Through Your Emotions

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Photo by M.A.D.

I think that writers can be pragmatic, but also drama queens set free in their own worlds. Not only do we deal with our character’s emotions but also our own as we write these characters throughout the story. Sometimes, it becomes overwhelming, other times, cathartic. In my experience, I have found that sometimes a roadblock in writing goes deeper than the pen I am holding. That pause, that resistance, comes from an emotion that I might not want to acknowledge, usually indirectly. What might seem at the beginning a distraction or even a mild case of writer’s block, is no other than an emotion that does not want to be recognized for what it is, whether a painful memory, a weakness, or a more deep-rooted emotion. It resists the pen however it was triggered. Sure, a writer can always go around it and find an excuse for the pen; however, it won’t be the last time.

Dealing with our feelings as we write will eventually release the words that have been held hostage, and result in a better flow of the story. Many times, acknowledging that the emotion is present might be enough. Sometimes, characters become mirrors; most of the time, they are just beings from the imagination being brought to life by a passionate pen. Other times, the ink takes a bit longer to dry.

A New Year’s Poem

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Vintage pencils (Photo by M.A.D.)

I sat to write the first new year’s blog post and thought about possible topics. So much has been said already about goals, dreams, planning, and the “right” start of a brand-new year, that I did not want to be repetitive and write about the same things. Instead, I felt inspired to write a poem. Maybe it reflects how I feel about the start of a new year.

Oh Lord, thy peace I feel

in every breath I take.

Thy song is in my heart;

thy joy in me resides.

*

If ever I would find

myself away from you.

My heart would break apart.

My soul would cry for you.

*

From dusk till dawn my heart awaits

the joy of seeing you.

In every little thing I see,

thy love forevermore.

May this year be filled with the goodness of many blessings for you and yours.

Inkspeare