writer’s block

Finding My Way Back, an Update (and books and roses)

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Finding my way back to my book in progress, The Girl Who Could Not Love, hasn’t been easy. I stopped. I tried. I stopped once more. I had to put it aside for some time despite wanting to continue writing it. Something was not right. It lay dormant, and eventually, I knew I had to come back to it. It has been on my mind all this time, morning, night, and in between; however, distant, but calling me. It is the book that begs to be written to a hesitant writer that has finally surrender to it. Whether to answer the call or not, is not important anymore; it is why. Why is this story haunting me? Why the fight between pen and heart? Why do I want to write this story? Why won’t the story quit? Why won’t I quit?

While reading Never Too Late (or was it Shine On? I read them back-to-back) by Claire Cook, I thought about something she mentioned. It is to ask yourself in the reinvention journey, but in her case while writing a book, what stands in the way of my protagonist? I asked that question about my novel, and my protagonist. The answer, me. I was standing in the way. So, I had to ask myself the question, and I got my deep-rooted answer. I am working on it.

In the meantime, I have been reading up a storm, some of which are these. I am currently reading It’s Rising Time by Kim Kiyosaki. I am enjoying this book very much. I like the writing style of Kim Kiyosaki; it is straight and to the point. So far, I think that this is a book that every woman should read. Next on the agenda is Life Glows On by Claire Cook. Her non-fiction books are straight from the heart and fueled by her experience, as a woman who reinvented herself.

Photo by M.A.D.
Photo by M.A.D.

The garden always calls this time of the year. About two years ago, I planted two tiny rose bushes. One of them, the red rose bush, has grown considerably when compared to the other, a pink rose bush. I planted these at the same time, and they have grown under similar conditions. Both were labeled miniature rose bushes. Just as people, they continue to grow at a different pace. Just like writer’s stories, they bloom and develop at different stages.

To the left, near the duck, the pink rose bush, and on the right, the red rose bush. Photo by M.A.D.
Red rose bush. Miniature? Not so much, but spectacular. Photo by M.A.D.

Miniature or not, both rose bushes have their own enchantment.

Writing Through Your Emotions

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Photo by M.A.D.

I think that writers can be pragmatic, but also drama queens set free in their own worlds. Not only do we deal with our character’s emotions but also our own as we write these characters throughout the story. Sometimes, it becomes overwhelming, other times, cathartic. In my experience, I have found that sometimes a roadblock in writing goes deeper than the pen I am holding. That pause, that resistance, comes from an emotion that I might not want to acknowledge, usually indirectly. What might seem at the beginning a distraction or even a mild case of writer’s block, is no other than an emotion that does not want to be recognized for what it is, whether a painful memory, a weakness, or a more deep-rooted emotion. It resists the pen however it was triggered. Sure, a writer can always go around it and find an excuse for the pen; however, it won’t be the last time.

Dealing with our feelings as we write will eventually release the words that have been held hostage, and result in a better flow of the story. Many times, acknowledging that the emotion is present might be enough. Sometimes, characters become mirrors; most of the time, they are just beings from the imagination being brought to life by a passionate pen. Other times, the ink takes a bit longer to dry.

A Writer Evolves with the Characters

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I am writing this blogpost from the point of view of the evolution of the writer as opposed to how a character evolves in the story. Throughout the story all characters evolve, change, as experiences and challenges are introduced by the writer. The interaction of the characters and the different situations the god-pen writes for them makes this evolution possible. Where there is no change there is no story, it comes naturally. In a series, this process is more evident and so much more engrained in a character, not only because of the many situations a character goes throughout a series, but also because there is the fictional pass of time. Most likely, the character is very different from the first book until the end of the series. This is also where the writer’s evolution takes place.

From that first concept of a character until the end of a story or series, the writer has been learning, feeling, and even listening to the needs of the characters. Sometimes, a character will fight a writer’s pen, and the writer’s best decision for this character will entail listening to it, and analyzing the particular issues that are present. At that moment, not only the writer has changed, but the original intention as well. As characters mature and go along in the story, so does the view and “feeling” the writer has of them and for them. A writer that doesn’t “feel” a character has not listened to it. A stubborn pen is worse than a stubborn character.

At the end of a story/series, a relationship, a connection has been attained but also, there has been a mutual understanding, a symbiotic evolution.

Missing in Writing

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An update.

One thing that I can say for sure is that writing never becomes easy. I have been plugging and unplugging, on and off, in relation to my book in progress, The Girl Who Could Not Love. This never happened before. On the contrary, most books have been a flowing delight to write. I have never experienced a certain distance or disconnection from a story before. It truly puzzles me. I have made some progress, more like the progress of a tortoise on a ten-mile run. I am not sure of what it is holding my pen hostage, but it feels like I am missing in writing, as if a degree of the angle is missing. And that is mostly why I have pulled the plug a few times, give it a rest, and try to restart the engine.

If I were to compare it to an engine, I would say that my pen is misfiring (my husband is a mechanic; terminology just sticks with me). Right now, I have ended a sabbatical in relation to my novel, with the hope that the pieces have come together at the right angle, at least in my head, and that my focus has sharpen. It was my intention to have a release by the end of the year, but good intentions do not fill the inkwell, neither do they publish a book.

The missing link is out there inside my head, and I just have to find it and make the connection. Because I am no James Patterson, prolific and able to work on several stories at a time, a well-oiled writing machine in my opinion, I will have to approach the story from several angles until I find the right one, the one that fits. Scrapping it would be too painful to bare at this point. May Parker be with me.

Disconnecting From the Story

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Photo by M.A.D.

Call it writer’s block, a dry spell, or anything else, it happens to many writers. It is the dreaded ailment of the pen, the disheartenment of a writer’s soul, without notice, unexpectedly and untimely. It is that break in the connection with the story, like a broken bridge that is hard to repair. Whatever prompts the disruption is unique to the writer, as it is the healing process, the timing when writer and story will be in communion once more.

Writer’s block might feel as falling out of love with the story, or not finding the right angle to continue writing. It might come in the form of disillusion with the story or even the craft, a broken heart of sorts that refuses to pump ink. Waiting and longing for the magic moment only seems to make this disease of the inkwell more acute and prolonged. Ironically, its only cure seems to be time. Drip, drip, drip … the ink flows again.

Writer, Don’t Take your Words for Granted

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Photo by M.A.D.

Most people I have talked with seem to misunderstand what a writer does. Either they think that words are cheap a dozen or that writing a story is easy. A common suggestion is, “Why don’t you write about this or that?” As writers, we tend to draw inspiration from many places, but inspiration is all it is. The original idea must mean something, entice the pen, allure us, arouse our curiosity in order to proceed into the crafting of a story. Sometimes, we agonize over a character, a chapter, or even a single word. Although these suggestions might be well intended, I compare it to asking a farmer how many acres he/she has; you just don’t go there. It is like me asking you how much money is in your bank account.

For some, writing a book is all about money, for others, about fame and recognition, but for a true story lover, it is about everything. That might be hard to explain. If you have ever had an encounter with writer’s block, you know how soul-sucking it is, and how debilitating it is to the mind of a writer. A torment that ink and paper cannot cure. Only the return of the missing word can alleviate the tormented heart and soul of the afflicted writer. There is no time or expectation, only hope and desire. It is a mystery of mysteries, a black hole that consumes words, pen, and writer, for time does not exist anymore, only days without words, empty pages, a crusty dried pen, and innumerable cups of coffee. Days come and go blending into one another, a timeless punishment by the muse who refuses to sprinkle the miraculous ink that will cure the ailment. Until one day … And until then, making peace with writer’s block is a sensible solution.

The Simple Life – Balance

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Sometimes, living simply requires certain balance, and the simple acknowledgement that too much of something wrecks equilibrium. Dealing with the sense that what’s on the right does not equal what’s on the left, in whatever circumstance or area in our life, puts us off, and it reflects in everything we do. The past two years left me off balance, and I have been trying to find that golden nugget that will get the scale back in equilibrium, and it hasn’t been easy. It has reflected in my writing, especially on the current novel that I am still trying to write but have put aside. Faith has been my comfort blanket, and counting blessings always seem to put things into perspective. Simple living has been a source of joy and contentment. Gardening an escape that offers many delights, especially when everything around seems to be screaming silently – new beginnings. I have found refuge in such things, meaningless to many, therapeutic for others. Sometimes, balance can be pursued in the simplest of things, and found in the least expected places. For me, I have found it in God’s word, in the garden, and even in the mundane chores of daily living. Where there’s a constant, there’s peace of mind, and peace of mind is the closest thing to that golden nugget.

I have been working in the garden and setting up new areas, planning other areas, and just enjoying the good weather, but in the back of my mind there is always that untouched novel, like a ghostly thought that lingers in the crevices of the brain and the depths of the soul. When? Who knows? One day I will wake up with a little golden nugget on my hand.

Here’s a new area I started in the fairy garden.

This is a shade area, and it has been hard to plant anything, even hostas. It is part of the faerie garden and is covered in moss. Right now, moss is starting to change color to green; I love when it turns thick and green, like nature’s carpet. We have been invaded by moth caterpillars; they are everywhere. Can you spot three of them in the tree trunk at the left?

Intermittent Writing

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No one expected last year, and certainly, this year is already showing up as challenging in many ways for this country. It has affected people in many different ways and aspects of their lives. No one the same. This post is about an update on my latest novel, The Girl Who Could Not Love. What’s up with my novel? The quick answer is nothing is up. I have had to put it aside for a while, after periods of long intermittent writing. The past year has affected my writing in ways that I did not expect, after all, as a writer I enjoyed solitude, and it helped my writing in the past. However, I find myself with a dry inkwell and no desire to tackle my current novel, something very unusual for me. Everything that last year brought, which hasn’t changed much this year, played a number on my “little psyche” thus affecting my writing disposition. I have been busy with many other projects, but not with what I consider my most important and precious endeavor (it is to me). If you have been able to finish a novel during the past year until now, I congratulate you, and please, give yourself a pat in the back, because I know it has not been an easy task. God bless you. You are a Warrior Writer.

So what now? This post serves (me) as an outlet, a source of release, a sort of permission, a passing ritual, and an acknowledgement to myself – the writer – that it is fine to feel this way, that is is ok to put the guilt feelings of a writer aside, and to pick up that novel again sometime in the future, when the writer has healed the soul. For now, all previous self-imposed deadlines are released, and each day will be received and acknowledged with a grateful heart.

Totally unrelated – Find the bird in this picture.

Can you find the bird? (Photo by M.A.D.)

On the Writing Front

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Photo by M.A.D.

What is happening on the writing front? Not much these days. The state of our country, protests, the pandemic, and the political turmoil, have influenced my writing mode, and mood. My mind and heart have not been in the right place, and I have not been able to write my latest novel – The Girl Who Could Not Love – after the first five chapters. I feel as if I am not connecting with my novel, my writing, and my thoughts have been scattered. This presents a reality; I will not be able to meet my original deadline. If I do, it would be a miracle.

Many of you are going through similar writing experiences. It is called being human, and not a writing machine. Many of us draw from our inner emotions when we write. It is understandable that there might be a storm in the sea of emotions during this time. I am allowing myself the necessary time to work through this period. I am being creative in many other ways, which helps my state of mind and heart. I have decided to approach the writing of this novel in a different way.

Usually, I write the first draft by pen and paper. It is my preferred method. My thoughts flow freely, easily, and at times it feels as dictation. This is not working at this time. it is rare that I start a first draft on the computer, although my first novel, Moonlit Valley, was a combination of pen/paper and screen time. This time, I feel I need grounding, a way to slow down my feelings, so my mind can connect with the story. At this moment, it feels as if the story is somewhere out there, floating in the air (or my brain) and I cannot access it. All I know is that it is there, present, and waiting on me to find a way.

While I was planning my work the other day, I happened to glance at the old typewriter in front of me. I have not written on it for sometime, and it occurred to me that it could be the tool I need to write this story. It could slow down my thoughts enough that I might be able to listen to the story, and it may provide an audible rhythm, which could be beneficial in harnessing my focus. I am going to give it a try. Maybe it will be the bridge between me and the story.

If you are struggling with your writing due to the present worldwide (or local) climate, see if you can find a way to jumpstart your focus, but allow yourself enough time to work through your feelings/emotions.

The Story of Your Life

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Photo by Maria Diaz

I believe we are open books, living stories. I believe that there is a book (the book of life) with our story and name in it, and we are free to fulfill that story or not (free will). Sometimes, it feels as if we are on track, everything goes so well and things flow accordingly. At other times, it feels as if every step we take is met by a struggle, a stumble, or a road block. Sometimes, it may feel as if one cannot move at all. Life block, I call it, similar to writer’s block.

The flow of life may not be smooth at times, but it is always constant. From the minute we open our eyes in the morning (or at night) we are making choices/decisions. From what to wear, eat for breakfast, or even if we will get up at all, get to work … to more complicated choices such as career, marriage, and many other issues. Every time we take a step forward (or backward) by deciding, whichever that might be, we are writing the story of our lives. However, it is not only about “me” because those choices/decisions cross over to other people’s lives. I may think that I am living “my life” but my story is intertwined with the story of others. It is happening right now, as I write this post. Someone out there will read it eventually, and will think about these words – our stories have crossed. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” – Luke 6:31 Could not have said it better.

As writers, we love to make up stories; its is the air we breathe. However, the most important story we’ll ever write is our own.