writing

Finding My Way Back, an Update (and books and roses)

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Finding my way back to my book in progress, The Girl Who Could Not Love, hasn’t been easy. I stopped. I tried. I stopped once more. I had to put it aside for some time despite wanting to continue writing it. Something was not right. It lay dormant, and eventually, I knew I had to come back to it. It has been on my mind all this time, morning, night, and in between; however, distant, but calling me. It is the book that begs to be written to a hesitant writer that has finally surrender to it. Whether to answer the call or not, is not important anymore; it is why. Why is this story haunting me? Why the fight between pen and heart? Why do I want to write this story? Why won’t the story quit? Why won’t I quit?

While reading Never Too Late (or was it Shine On? I read them back-to-back) by Claire Cook, I thought about something she mentioned. It is to ask yourself in the reinvention journey, but in her case while writing a book, what stands in the way of my protagonist? I asked that question about my novel, and my protagonist. The answer, me. I was standing in the way. So, I had to ask myself the question, and I got my deep-rooted answer. I am working on it.

In the meantime, I have been reading up a storm, some of which are these. I am currently reading It’s Rising Time by Kim Kiyosaki. I am enjoying this book very much. I like the writing style of Kim Kiyosaki; it is straight and to the point. So far, I think that this is a book that every woman should read. Next on the agenda is Life Glows On by Claire Cook. Her non-fiction books are straight from the heart and fueled by her experience, as a woman who reinvented herself.

Photo by M.A.D.
Photo by M.A.D.

The garden always calls this time of the year. About two years ago, I planted two tiny rose bushes. One of them, the red rose bush, has grown considerably when compared to the other, a pink rose bush. I planted these at the same time, and they have grown under similar conditions. Both were labeled miniature rose bushes. Just as people, they continue to grow at a different pace. Just like writer’s stories, they bloom and develop at different stages.

To the left, near the duck, the pink rose bush, and on the right, the red rose bush. Photo by M.A.D.
Red rose bush. Miniature? Not so much, but spectacular. Photo by M.A.D.

Miniature or not, both rose bushes have their own enchantment.

Long Gone Are the Days

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Photo by MAD

The other day, I was minding my daily grind and an idea for a new novel came to mind, a good one, I thought. The idea presented itself as the beginning and ending of the story, nothing in between. I was busy, so I decided to write it down later on. Later on never came, and the whole idea went out of my mind; I simply cannot remember it. When it is gone, it is gone for good. This is something that I find happens more often as I age. Before, in my younger years, I would put the thought or idea on pause, and come back to it later. Not so anymore. That is why now it has to be written when it presents itself, otherwise it is lost forever, and forever is a long time.

As we age, our memory is a bit less reliable than it was in our younger years. We are not as quick and sharp as we used to be, and that happens to every person, to some more than others. After researching this topic for my own benefit, I decided to write this post. No matter how old we are, it is good to exercise the mind just as we exercise the body. It is common knowledge that exercising the body improves the mind function, and so does eating a healthy diet; so is leaving habits like smoking, alcohol, drugs, sugar …. Beyond that, what can a person do to improve brain function? Getting enough sleep and rest is another item in the commonsense bucket. Aside from those mentioned above, experts recommend social contact, mental activities that exercise the brain such as word puzzles, painting, drawing, manual dexterity activities, reading, jigsaw puzzles, learning something new … Eating nuts and seeds seems to be beneficial, and so is my favorite treat, dark chocolate. There are other foods that appear to boost your brain, and vitamins such as B6, B9, B12, are also beneficial. Some supplements are specific to brain health, and there is difference of opinion about that. Meditation and keeping a diary seem to help as well. All of the above things I do already, although I have to work on the “sweet tooth” a bit more.

All this information most of us know it by heart; it has been repeated over and over. I find that most times, I forget things when I am on automatic pilot and not being mindful of what I am doing. When I pay attention and focus on what is at hand, I feel more alert and conscious, even organized and with less brain fog. I guess use it or lose it is appropriate in this case. Long gone are the days.

Blog Etiquette

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Photo by MAD

There is common sense and there is Come on, have some sense! There are certain boundaries that we respect as bloggers and as writers. We love to read what other fellow writers have to say about many topics, but we cannot subscribe to every blog because most of us do not have enough time to enjoy the many posts that interest us and would love to read, so we compromise and subscribe to a few that mostly match our interests. We also do not take fellow bloggers business contacts and bombard them with 7 or more posts a day, especially, if that fellow blogger has not subscribed to our blogs. It is in very bad taste. It is absolutely and without doubt very bad blog manners to subscribe quickly to someone’s blog and use their business email as a dump for all our many blog posts from our many different blogs, especially if that person has not subscribed to our blogs. Never force your blogposts on someone, and never assume that someone’s business email is a free venue for your seven plus posts a day. It does not look good for you as a blogger, as a writer, or as an entrepreneur. There is a fine line between sharing your writing and transmutation of it onto a Mega Beg-a-ton. What we think as good business practice to reach as many people as possible in less time to increase profits might not be the best idea, especially, when forced and not requested. Aggressive marketing sometimes backfires.

So, in the spirit of friendship, from one blogger to another, never cross that line, and if you have, please back up a few steps. Don’t become another feather in the wind.

New Novel Update

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I am currently writing The Girl Who Could Not Love. I am only a few chapters in, and it already seems as if this story will present its challenges. Not so much about writing it, but instead, on the road it is taking me so far. It is one that is new to me, and one which I am not comfortable with as it deals with the main character’s state of mind/heart/soul from the get go. I had no intention to take that route but I will trust the process and be open to it. I have sensed a resistance to write it, and I am wondering why. At the same time, I feel a sense of discovery and excitement mixed with apprehension. For the sake of writing this story and of being faithful to the process, I have decided to put aside my reserves and continue on the journey, as far and deep as the pen wants to take me.

I wish I could tell you more about it but I am discovering it as I write. For the first time I find myself at the mercy of my pen, and I am willing to follow it in faith, if not blindly.

Faith – A confident belief; trust. Loyalty; allegiance. (American Heritage Dictionary)

The Day I Almost Died

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This is a short story that came to me this morning, and I decided to include it as today’s blog post. It is a bit grim but not so grim. Eventually, I would like to publish a few of my short stories in an anthology. I hope you enjoy this one.

It was a sunny day; I saw it cloudy. The silence was too loud inside my head. The stillness, a cloak for the raging waters of my soul. I glanced outside my window. The trees moved to the gentle breeze as a dance of death began inside my head. I could hear the deaf sound of loneliness; it had become my lullaby. Isolation became the clothes I wore daily. I searched the empty corridors of my heart over and over; I found nothing. It had morphed into an empty shell of despair, a chamber of hollow beats. There, I found nothing that would justify the next heartbeat.

A chilling breeze danced nearby; Death awaited. I could feel her mutable presence begging me to speed up the process. I was ready. How did it get to this moment? Did it matter? I didn’t require an answer. An answer made things complex. I heard the doorbell. I ignored it. It rang a second time, and a third, until it became noise. I placed the gun next to an empty picture frame. Somehow, I never got to place a picture in it. I counted twelve steps to the door. I opened it. I didn’t bother to bolt it anymore. I had no cares. I forced a smile. It almost hurt at the corners of my mouth. No one was at the other side to return my crooked smile. I looked around; no one was there. I stepped out on the front porch. No one was there.

I saw a splash of red fluttering to my left. A cardinal perched on the Forsythia bush surely made a nice contrast to the bright yellow buds. How did I never noticed that before? Something scurried up the old cedar tree. It was a squirrel, then came another, and they chased each other up and down the old cedar.

“That old cedar must have seen so much,” I mumbled.

I sat on the front steps. A crow marched unpretentiously on the horizon. It almost shimmered as the sun hit its feathers. I felt the warmth of the sun on my skin. How long had it been? A busy party of little brown birds scattered throughout the ground looking for food. A reddish wasp rested atop a chair, as if thawing from a frost or waking from a dream, its wings resting downward. The sun’s warmth felt good on my skin. Everywhere I looked I saw signs of life. Life was everywhere; I could see it if I cared to see it. I felt something fuzzy rubbing my leg in a rhythm.

“Where did you come from, lil’ fellow?”

The disheveled black kitten was skin and bones; I could count its ribs. It kept rubbing against my leg, and I could hear a faint purr becoming louder. It was so tiny. I picked it up and it nuzzled against my arm, then it nestled. I sat out there for a while. The kitten fell asleep in my arms, and I observed the rhythm of life around me.

“What am I going to do with you lil’ fellow? It looks like you will be needing me for a while, at least until you fatten and grow up a bit more.”

The crow restled with a worm until it came out of the ground. The squirrels moved on to another tree.

“What should I name you? Hum, let me think. Aha, you shall be called Rigor, but we’ll leave the mortis out; how is that?”

Rigor became my inseparable friend for the next 15 years. To all, he was a black cat; to me, he was life, and a constant reminder. During that time, I never found out who rang the doorbell.

When Reality Does Not Match Idyllic Expectations

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Crow on a foggy morning Photo by M.A.D.

The shiny crow

One nature’s note

The lovely sound

Of Autumn’s song.

 

We start to dream when we are children. We imagine fantastic worlds, magical places, dream  of toys, and in general, anything seems possible and attainable. As we grow up, we learn that things are not always as we imagined or hoped. We learn disappointment when we don’t get the toy we expected, or pain and sadness when a beloved pet dies. Other children learn these lessons on a more somber note, the death of a parent or friend, hunger, or abuse. Every person experiences life in a different way at a different level. However, we manage to keep on dreaming throughout adulthood, and many, up to the time of death.

We have idyllic expectations in life, and many times we are lucky enough to live many of those dreams. Sometimes what we have imagined, what we have carefully crafted in our minds, does not match the accomplished/realized dream. It is a total let down, another disappointment in life, and almost as if we never learned those childhood lessons. It is the theme of many stories. Writers experience disappointment when books do not sell as well as expected or hoped. In anything in life there are ups and downs, and those are necessary for growth, to take us to the next level through a natural flow. It is called living.

When I moved from New Jersey to Virginia (USA), I moved from the city to the country. I had idyllic expectations of what country living would be like, romanticized ideas as well – green pastures, grazing cows, rolling hills, fresh air, cozy winters … I can go on and on. Little did I know that the first year I would encounter a cloud of migrating lady bugs look-alike japanese beetles in our area, landing everywhere and looking for shelter before winter. These would arrive in waves throughout the day for weeks. At the same time, a large amount of alien bugs (alien to me that is) known as stink bugs was trying to do the same, look for shelter before winter. Autumn, my favorite time of the year had turned into a nightmare. I was not used to these insects nor was I used to these clouds in number, or any other type, as I had lived pretty much insect free for most of my life, being bugged by an ocassional spider or a lonely wasp. Mosquitoes were my only nuisance as I lived near the water. I was afraid to go outside during the “arrivals” and soon I learned to time their peak hours. Luckily their presence lasted less than a month, that is, until next season. Winter became my favorite time of the year. Cold weather meant no bugs. Spring became a bug fest as well, and for the first time I realized that there were so many, oh so many, insects I had never seen. Never did I experience so many types of wasps flying at once. Soon my closest neighbors became used to my screaming fits, and the occasional sight of a mad woman running through the field being followed by a giant wasp.

The idyllic expectations about country living gave way to reality. I told my friend that living in the country seemed to be more work than living in the city. Awareness became important as well. The other day I was heading out the back door to pick up my mail, and as I stepped down only two steps, a leaping deer crossed in front of me followed by another one, a very close call. Farm dogs were running after them, and being terrified, they were flying for their lives. I was so lucky; one more step and there would have been an unfortunate encounter with nature. I have seen the damage deer can cause to cars. On another occasion what I thought was a piece of black rubber left behind was a black snake.

The point to all this rambling is that at one point, when reality does not match idyllic expectations, we get to decide how we are going to set our focus, and that will determine the degree of “happiness or disappointment” as well as our next step in life. Do we focus on the less  than perfect image or do we start seeing the rest of the picture? So many other beautiful and interesting things can be found in it. I am starting to enjoy Autumn once more. Every day I see something different, from colorful and weird mushrooms to even four-leaf clovers. I have found four so far.

I always try to relate every blog post to the topic of writing. Maybe books are not selling as expected, and you are thinking about quitting writing, even when you love it so much. You are a story-teller and writing is like the air you breathe. Maybe you can adjust your focus away from profitability or recognition, and see the beauty in finding words to tell a story that has been sleeping in your imagination. The story that will be shared with the world, whether it makes you money or not. After all, if you love telling stories so much, and these stories have become alive inside the pages of a book, it only takes one reader to make them real. The purpose has been met. When reality does not match idyllic expectations move your eyes away and place them back on another spot.

 

Elements of Transition

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Transition – An instance or process of changing from one form, state, subject, or place to another. (American Heritage Dictionary

Life is full of periods of transition. From our conception until we die, we go through several stages during the evolution of our lives. We transition in decades, work, relationships, beliefs, likes and dislikes, appearance, and so on. It is so because we are alive. For some, there are transitional moments that present extreme challenges, and many times they come in the form of tragedy or sad news. These are defining moments. For some people, harder than for others. In any case, the outcome is defined during that process. I’ve been through many transitional moments, some easier than others, good and bad, and truthfully for the later, there were many times when I felt I didn’t know the answer, and as if I had run out of options, faithless, hopeless. I can look back at those transitional moments and see how many times the simple answer eluded me.

Pondering about these things, I was able to identify some elements or factors that might influence the duration and ease of the transition process. For the purpose of this post I will write referring to challenging and hard transitional times.

Time – Many times we feel that the catalyst to a transitional period could have not come at a worst time in our lives. We might think, why now? It is not fair. The nature of change is neither fair nor unfair; it just is. Our perception of timing is what labels it such; however, throughout the years, I’ve learned that there is no right or wrong time for change. God’s timing is perfect, even when we don’t understand it. Even when it may seem that our past actions/decisions might have caused or served as a catalyst for change. Time is human perception.

Money – Who on earth wouldn’t want a bit more of it? Unless you have taken a vow of poverty, money seems to be essential and necessary to live our lives, even if we have minimal expenses or few material desires. Money, whether in the shape of currency or any other form, seems to be necessary to propel forward. Many times, we feel that the lack of money prevents us from living our life and dreams. Although it is true that things flow easier when there is an abundance of money (at least in the perception of the material realm), lack of money should not define us. Money is a resource (as any other material instrument) to achieve something. However, during transition, we may feel that lack of money slows things down or even halts the process (hence the invention of credit). During this challenging period, it doesn’t occur to us that it is part of the transition, another piece to the puzzle, and not outside of it. Sometimes, in our most desperate moments money seems to have fallen from heaven at the right time.

Health/energy level – This concerns physical health as well as spiritual and mental health. When we feel good we have the disposition on taking on the world, but when we are not feeling 100% well, our perception of the situation changes. We feel that a situation is more difficult when we are not feeling well, are sick, or feel lost. The transition, whatever type, becomes insurmountable. Sometimes, we also experience a rush of energy to get us through, and it is only after we have gone through and looked back, that we can say, “I don’t know where from or how I got the strength to do _________ (fill the blank).

Past and new interests – Sometimes during transition, we undergo a self assessment that usually happens at the same time confusion/chaos sets in our minds. We start to discover that we have outgrown certain things, we have acquired other likes and dislikes, and other interests as well. The new you starts to emerge as part of the transition process. We have a glimpse of past and present, and even of what the future could be like. When we become clear of the things we don’t want anymore, but have been a constant in our lives, a series of emotions and feelings show up, making transition more or less difficult to deal with, however, necessary. The range of emotions/feelings seem to make things more complicated momentarily until we sort things out, discard what isn’t working, and decide, in order to move forward. There is no right or wrong length of time as it is part of the natural process of transition.

Failures/history/life experiences – Our past, our previous experiences, the labels we carry with us, our baggage, our personal history, seem to show up very loud during transition. Although it seems to make things more complicated or chaotic, it always comes with bits and pieces of insight and enlightenment, which seem to be necessary to propel us forward. Even when we seem to have lost faith when our history shows up, there is a switch that presents itself as a choice – to listen or not. It is when we choose to listen that we move forward. When we shut our eyes at the images that represent our history or close our ears to the sounds of it we are preventing our own evolution.

State of mind/attitude – We cannot be in a constant state of happiness or positivity; it is not natural. However, one can choose how to react to the challenge that is presented. The mood, the thoughts, the will are up to oneself. Of all the above mentioned elements, I’ve found that state of mind is the second most important during transition because it will determine much of the others. Our perception during a challenging transitional period might be clouded, but our attitude and disposition determine how bright the light on the other side shines through.

Faith – The personal beliefs we carry with us will support us during this time of transition. Our spiritual beliefs are there to comfort and guide us during transition. Even when we think we have lost hope and faith, those beliefs will show up in different ways to light up the path, so we find comfort and secure our step. This one, to me, is the most important of all the above mentioned elements of transition, and the one that influences all the others. Even when attitude fails, faith is there to pick us up.

These elements of transition are the ones I have identified during my transitional moments. There is no particular order to these, whether one or more, or even all at once show up during a transitional period. As a writer, I believe that transitional moments in life enrich my writing and help me portray characters and story in a more substantial way.

 

 

In Simple Words, It is Too Loud

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For me, that is. I am talking about social media. This post will be about my decision to leave most of my social media sites. I dropped social media for good; my internet presence is summed in two sites, all related to writing and my art, and this blog. Simply put, it was too loud for me, and my personality could not adjust to it. I am a bit of a lone wolf, introspective, introverted, and the quiet type. I like silence, I enjoy solitude, and I have never been a social butterfly. In an ideal world one site is good for me. Some people don’t understand this, and might suggest that I am missing so much and so many opportunities by dropping social media. How can I miss what I don’t want? I believe in doing what I enjoy, and when something becomes a chore, or is robbing me of time and focus that I rather put in something else, then it is not working for me.

Another argument is that you have to be well-connected online by having many venues to promote your work. I understand this, however, I think this only works if you love doing it in a genuine way. Besides, there are authors who don’t have a social media or internet presence, or have minimal exposure.

Argument three suggests that times have changed, and things do work different these days – the internet rules. I agree. However, it is up to me to utilize parts of it to express the parts of me that I choose to express, and that is fine. I think many people feel that they have to join every social media site to become visible, even when they don’t enjoy it anymore, become stressed about it, and are in a constant battle to keep up with it. For other people, it works just fine; it is like the air they breathe, and they are happy with it. My point is, despite the many suggestions you might hear and read, ultimately you have to do what works for you, personality and working style.

Argument four suggests that it will hurt my writing, as far as exposure goes. I write because I like to write. Right now, I love doing it, and the day I don’t love it anymore I will certainly stop writing. In that aspect, I am not worried about exposure, or ratings, or money, or fame/outside recognition… . I don’t plan to become a traditionally published author either, which seems to require a huge internet presence these days. In simple words, I have been weeding out what doesn’t apply to me.

I wrote about this topic because I think that as writers, we feel pressured to keep up and beyond, even when we don’t want to or don’t enjoy it as much. It is a personal decision to work with the tools that will benefit you and your writing, and enjoy the process as well. For some people, more is better; for other people, less is more. It all comes down to what works for you.

The Harvard Classics

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The Harvard Classics are also known as Dr. Eliot’s Five Foot Shelf.  Dr. Charles W. Eliot was the president of Harvard University. He insisted on taking the challenge of compiling classic works of literature that would fit into a five foot shelf, and provide the reader with a good liberal education.  According to him, by reading only 15 minutes a day this would be possible. That is how The Harvard Classics came to be. The anthology consists of 51 volumes of classic literature from around the world, known at that time.

If you didn’t have any other way of obtaining an education, this was a good and affordable way of achieving one. I think it was a great idea; still is. Many of these volumes can be found today at very reasonable prices. Websites such as eBay are a good way of finding them individually or as a collection, many times missing a few volumes, but you can always add the missing ones later on. This was one thing I set out to do many years ago, and I was lucky to obtain a complete collection, although it had four volumes that were added later on. These are the three red volumes and the blue volume you see in the picture. I got it for a song and dance, as the adage says.

One of the reasons I am writing this post is because many times people think that a good education can only be obtained by attending a college or university, and for many people, this is financially difficult or impossible, depending on the circumstances. Yes, a degree from college is needed to work on a chosen field, but we are talking here about a liberal education, something that is very valuable. For example, if a parent is unable to provide a good education for her/his children, this would still be a viable way of achieving it. I admit that times have changed, and many times, kids are not interested in classic works of literature. It is not valued as much today as it was then. Our society has become more technological, and sometimes, money is valued more than education. Video games, computers, smart TV’s and social media have taken priority in our society, but Dr. Eliot’s 15 minutes a day suggestion is still a great way to become educated. If you don’t have 15 minutes, 10 minutes of reading will be beneficial as well. Many of these works can be found online in electronic format, to be downloaded for free, if you prefer e-reading.

I hope that this post helps anyone who feels that education is far beyond reach. Whether you have a college degree or not, The Harvard Classics will enrich your life.

 

 

 

The Power of Words

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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.

Many of us have heard this old adage, most likely during childhood, and meaning mostly that words cannot cause physical pain. When I was a kid, it seemed true enough. As I grew older and matured, I disagreed.

Words are powerful; powerful enough to unleash a river of emotions. The right words at the right time may elevate one’s spirit. The same goes for the wrong word at the worst possible time; it can drown your soul. Repeat unkind words to a child and his/her personality will be affected in a negative way.

Words can bring joy, comfort, hope, and even peace. Negative words can hurt, destroy, and even drive a person to take their life (as in bullying). Words can kill. Words remain in memory and travel to someone’s heart and soul. Words are driven by intention, the intention of the speaker or the writer. The writer utilizes words to craft a story that paints a picture in the mind of the reader. The writer creates worlds/universes, and evokes emotions/feelings.

The power of words transcends time. The words of great writers remain, whether written or in the mind of the people. We quote the great writers and speakers of centuries ago. Words become alive the moment they are heard or read. Words are full of intention but their power is unleashed by the mind of the recipient.