writer

The Well is Almost Dry in Every Sense of the Word

/ inkspeare
In memory of Dolly (Photo by M.A.D.)

When I set out to write this blog, many years ago, definitely more than a decade ago, I wanted to write about my journey as an indie author, my journey from the Jersey shore to the Virginia countryside, and my journey fixing up a dilapidated farmhouse. Today, I am writing about all of this and my view/feelings about it.

It has been a very dry year; the Southside is still under severe drought, a step down from extreme drought. Other counties have seen rain and with it some relief; however, Southside VA has seen a few drops here and there. The clouds roll, the thunder roars, the wind follows, but the rain never falls. My water well has seen the effects of the low or already dry creeks around here. Months ago, an older Amish man mentioned to me that his son was having trouble with the well that was used for the cows. It has become drier since then. The garden is very dry, and we hardly had any blooms this year; some plants died, as these cannot be watered properly. Last year, I collected a wheelbarrow of grapes; this year, only a bowl.

This year’s grapes (photo by M.A.D.)

The drought started officially last autumn, but this writer’s inkwell has been drying for a while now, as far as my work in progress goes. Yes, as far as my novels, I cannot seem to unlock the gate that will let the flood through, and although I have plenty of ideas for other novels, it is the current work in progress that has become stale. I am not sure why and neither do I have a logical explanation that will appease my soul, other than I have realized and come to terms in accepting my dislike and disdain for Amazon, which is my only platform for publishing at the moment. I believe that it has deteriorated and degraded in a way that is plain and simple disrespectful not only to the craft, but to the millions of serious authors who trusted it with their works from the beginning. The gatekeeper failed writers, or maybe it was set up to “fail for profit” since the start. AI only adds another layer to the madness and chaos.

My love of writing has not been altered; only the venue to bring it to life has, and until I make peace with it, or step away to embrace another venue, I don’t know if my current work will see the light soon. I don’t even know if it will make a difference, after all, Amazon is still the number one venue for independent authors, even when more and more indie writers are leaving this venue. As of today, I don’t have an answer; time will tell. I will tend to my writing, as if it was my secret garden, even if I don’t decide to publish right away.

My love affair with this old farmhouse continues, and we (my husband and I) continue to make it better year after year, following the initial vision we had for it, but also making adjustments to the plan as needed. For example, converting part of the downstairs into a bedroom, a necessary endeavor after realizing that the stairs were too steep and difficult to climb when I injured my knee last year. It will be needed in the future as well, that is, if we age in place. Other important issues have derailed some of the work, such as an almost-dry water well, and the need to hook up to public town water in the near future, as well as new neighbors who do not understand private property boundaries, and continue to use part of our property as a football field, central park, or a parking lot, which has prompted the need to install a fence due to obvious liability reasons, making this, another big ticket item that has derailed the previous plans. The downstairs bedroom will be finished this coming weekend. On a positive note, all this increases real estate value. A time for everything and everything in its time seems to be my motto now. Either or, I will be glad to welcome a very wet and stormy autumn if we are blessed with it.

As far as this blog, it will continue its initial purpose, but also, it has become a very dear part of my journey, and a priceless way to connect with the rest of humanity. Human connection is one of the most beautiful gifts from God, and so is creativity. I will end this post with a few pictures I took this summer, moments that captured my attention for a bit.

Baby deer has grown quickly. He was born near the blue shed (Photo by M.A.D)
Mama deer teamed up with another mom, and both are raising their babies together. I guess it is a smart way to assure that either baby is safe or taken care if something happens to either one of the mothers. (Photo by M.A.D.)
Marigolds were the only flowers that bloomed in large quantity and were definitely a lifesaver for butterflies. (Photo by M.A.D.)
I decided to move the hummingbird feeder to the porch, and now humans and felines can enjoy the show. Also, it keeps the nectar a bit cooler. (photo by M.A.D.)
Always very happy to see one of these around – stik bug (Photo by M.A.D.)
And one of these as well (Photo by M.A.D.)
The old farmhouse today, and a work in progress (photo by M.A.D.)

Love and Light

A Golden Man’s Cuisine

/ inkspeare

From time to time, the muse taps my shoulder, and let’s me know that it is time to write a little poem. Sometimes it is a holiday poem, about nature, or even a satire, and sometimes it is about the Golden Man, a character I created a few years ago. Think of him as a social character.

A Golden Man’s Cuisine

The Golden Man forgot his quest,

in pomp and circumstance now, he bathes.

Who are those people under my feet?

Must be the ants, and they don’t eat.

Bring me some wontons, bring me kababs; the ants can starve.

But first, cachapas I must have,

and later, much later, I’ll think of cheese.

Not a Debate, Nor a Battle

/ inkspeare

Ever had a conversation with someone that becomes exhausting and it goes nowhere? Every word said needs to be analyzed or contested, if not enlightened by some not needed piece of information. By the end of the conversation, which one welcomes, there is this feeling of exhaustion and drainage. I have met many people like that, and it is very difficult to have a conversation with them because their focus is to debate anything and/or everything that is said. It is not a pleasant exchange, but futile, even when no attempt to re-establish a point is made.

Life is not a battle or debate. Instead, it is an interaction, an open exchange of ideas between people, whether explicit or not, through words and actions. There is no need to approach a conversation with our backs against a wall, ready to fire back. Unless it is an intended discussion were points and opinions are to be debated, there is no need to be defensive or pedagogical. I have seen people become easily agitated or stressed out in normal circumstances, and part of it is their approach at viewing existence as a constant battle, where every social exchange has to be a debate; a battle against what?

People are different (thank God), have different ideas, ways to approach living, and they come from different backgrounds/cultures. One culture does not define planet Earth; all are part of the beautiful human race. We seem to miss that point. It may sound pollyannaish, but life is not meant to be a constant battle or war of the words. The old advice of “let’s agree to disagree” alludes to this type of interaction, and maybe one more appropriate would be to “live and let live,” as the song says. All in the right context.

Writing characters in depth, may sometimes, become exhausting, and many times, reading them as well. It depends on the context and also on how well the writer has experienced/observed the emotions attached to these characters. I don’t think a character should ever be rushed. I think as writers, we should play with them a bit and see what they are all about before we commit to write them. Others, write themselves.

The Stages of a Simple Beginning (Starting Over)

/ inkspeare
Morning Glory (photo by M.A.D.)

Ever had to start over, either by a conscientious and premeditated choice or by a forced circumstance? It is like the Spring that comes after the death of Autumn and the coldness of Winter. The difference between the two circumstances is the degree of trauma or excitement. Either way, one has to start somewhere. So, where to start? Obviously, safety is most important to consider. Once a person has a safe haven where primary needs are met, such as food, shelter, income, and other basic needs, only then a person can start recovering and dreaming again, but not until one has grieved the past. Grieving the past is the one thing that should not be avoided, the sooner the better, and the faster a person can recover from whatever circumstances caused a “starting over” situation. Even in a planned and voluntary fresh start, I have to leave things behind, a form of grieving. Only then, forgiveness is possible, of others and myself. Only then, I will be able to move forward towards a new day, a fresh start, a new beginning. The simpler the start, the better.

Simple beginnings hardly are simple. I have to find balance again, the old is gone, and the new, well, it has not fully arrived yet. I am in a suspended state for a brief time, a time where everything or mostly everything is new, unfamiliar, and unpredictable to some degree. Sometimes, one has to find oneself before charging to a brand-new future; a new present has its own challenges, some easier than others, depending on the circumstances that catapulted the change. Even when the change is planned and executed carefully, the unpredictable shows up.

When embracing a new beginning, a slow pace at first helps me see with more clarity the road ahead, even during sudden change. I might not be able to control circumstances, but I can slow down in the way I react to change; I can always control the part that is me. It all starts with me, and of course, faith. Hope will follow soon enough, and with hope, new dreams and possibilities. Once I start dreaming again, I have begun again.

As writers, many times we place one of our characters in such a predicament of starting over, and by not rushing a character through all the stages of a simple new beginning, we are building the character’s credibility and ultimately that character’s truth. When we don’t rush ourselves, and we go through the same stages, we start regaining confidence, believing in ourselves once more, finding our truth. But life is not fiction, even if we deny reality and try to live in our own fantasy. Eventually, the fantasy dissolves and we are left with the possibility of change, of making the decision of a simple new beginning, even when that might be just as simple as embracing a brand-new day, as it is for many. During that time, kindness to ourselves and others on the way will make the most significance.

When we focus on our differences, we don’t see need, and we miss an opportunity for kindness. Kindness with promotion cheapens it. Kindness without forgiveness cancels it.

How Do I View Independent Publishing Now?

/ inkspeare

Many years ago, I wrote about my decision to pursue independent publishing, specifically, print on demand method, and how important this technological development was in making my dream of becoming an indie author possible. At the time, there were many views on independent publishing vs traditional publishing, but mostly, the disdain for independent publishing by the traditional publishing industry. Basically, they viewed it as an author’s career suicide. At the time, and after much research done, I decided that independent publishing aligned more with my views and expectations, work ethic, and my writing style and future endeavors.

For a while, as independent publishing in venues like Amazon and others continued to develop and evolve, it seemed promising and liberating for many authors, as well as affordable. However, with the passing of time, a “gold rush” environment emerged, and it seemed to attract other people who wanted to make a quick buck, who could care less about writing, and who plain and simple stole other author’s work, modified it, and published it as their own. The worst-case scenario that traditional publishing so warned us about, materialized. Now, with the development of AI, another layer has been added to the chaos that already enveloped the independent publishing industry. The speedy AI creation of stories and even the modification of stolen work by using AI is real. Indie authors who care about the craft are facing an overcrowded environment where it is hard to distinguish the good from the ugly, making it harder for their work to be found by readers.

So, how do I feel about independent publishing now, after all the new challenges, perils, and a less than attractive environment for indie authors? How do I feel about traditional publishing now, after seeing what has become of the independent publishing industry? Because honestly, even the so-called vanity publishers of the past seem more attractive now in comparison. If anything, the farmers who own the cows are the ones who benefited either way. Well, I have to say that independent publishing still aligns more with my writing style, the method, that is; however, if back then, I knew what the future would hold for the industry, I would definitely be discouraged to follow that path, and I would seriously have considered traditional publishing. It has become a garbage dump, a less than attractive venue for my taste, and I have to admit that traditional publishing still holds the golden medal, as far as a reputable venue, although much of it has changed in various ways. The flood gates were opened without any type of filtration system, and now, at least for me, this type of venue for independent publishing lacks appeal, honesty, and trust worth.

I don’t know what the future will hold for me as an indie writer, and I may have to go back to basics through research and study of an industry that seems to have fallen short of my expectations. Writing is what I love to do, and I guess that I should be asking myself if I want to do it under today’s circumstances of a less than appealing environment for me as an independent author. It is something that I have to answer myself, seriously and with honesty.

Evil

/ inkspeare

Evil is a theme in my novels, but it is viewed in a supernatural way, not so much as a real condition, such as in a crime novel. Unless you are a victim of evil personified, most people think of it as something remote; it exists, might be supernatural or not, depending on your spiritual beliefs, and it manifests through human behavior. Since I can remember, I have always considered the supernatural side of evil to be real, but also, I was raised by a religious and devoted catholic grandmother, one who would tell me stories of old, ingrained in an ancient culture, stories of witches and demons, and supernatural beings that happened in the past. Lore or not? It doesn’t matter, but it did permeate into my novels. It probably shaped my views and interest in the topic, but also, fueled my curiosity; so much, that once, I dared asked a priest if he believed that evil was real. He answered something generic, that evil was in this world … I interrupted him and rephrased the question: “Do you believe that the Devil is real, that demons exist?” He looked at me a bit surprised, but calmly he said, “Yes, it is real.” I asked, “Why doesn’t the church tell people the truth?” His answer resonates in my memory until this day. He said, “Because most people would not be able to handle the truth.” I understood and I did not keep pressing him on the topic. I never asked again, but I always remember the answer.

More than three decades have gone by, which takes me back to my novels and the theme of good vs. evil in the supernatural sense. The current novel I was writing (and I say was writing because I stepped away from it for a while) does not follow the same lines, as far as this theme goes, although it has a bit of a supernatural flair mixed in more with the human condition. I asked myself the other day, did I step away from my “niche,” did I abandon my personal quest? Is this why the current novel seems so challenging or is there something more to it? I am not forcing the writing of this novel, but I know one hundred percent that I have to write the story, however the flow of it is very different, but I know that I am the one causing it. There are a few stories that are waiting to be written, all of them calling me at once, however, I know that until I conquer this one, in mind and soul, I will not be able to tend to the next one. Now, it is personal.

Will Writers Write?

/ inkspeare

Will writers even bother to write if competing with a large number of AI generated stories? That is a question that only time will answer. There have been incidents where many AI generated books have made it to best seller lists. Scammers also may use AI to generate reworded versions of actual books. They can think of anything to make a quick buck out of the sweat of real authors by using AI to alter their work. Although Amazon has made a few efforts to alleviate the problem, it continues, and as of now AI generated content must be disclosed when submitted, something that helps but does not solve much.

Artificial Intelligence is becoming better and soon it will be just a matter of time when we could hardly be able to tell the difference between written works by real authors and a piece of junk from Robotina. People who care more about making a quick buck than about the craft are able to generate a story, from cover to content, and illustrations in a matter of minutes, especially children’s books. AI saturated market is the worst nightmare for true writers who love their craft and who bleed through the pages of a novel until it is finished.

How will readers find your work when they have to navigate a system which is so saturated by fakes? Will they even care or will they voraciously consume AI generated content as long as it is good enough to fill an entertaining need or any other specific need? If we have people dating AI generated people, what prevents readers to make a switch to AI generated books? Only time will tell, but one thing is certain, authors are now competing with a new form of “art,” one that has eliminated the middleman aka real author and goes straight to making a product for profit in no time at all. Will authors become discouraged? Will real writing even matter anymore? Will AI mimic our blood and sweat in the pages? Will writers write? Only time will tell.

Faster and faster, we are being replaced by our own creation, maybe to the point of becoming obsolete by our own hand. The creator ceases to exist, absorbed by its own creation. Maybe time is all we have left, or do we? Will AI alter our perception of time, eventually? Will we be able to tell?

The Golden Man

/ inkspeare

Here’s a little October poem, The Golden Man.

Fail and flail,

the madman on the golden throne.

Dreams of golden nuggets, of crowns, and crones.

Pumpkins (Photo by M.A.D.)

The Sum of Your Life

/ inkspeare
An adorable visitor (Photo by M.A.D.)

Ever met someone who has gone through many vicissitudes in life? Somehow, knowing some of the details allows one to understand better the character of that person. I have met people who have been through many sad experiences in life and somehow, they seem to have a good and grounded personality. I am dumbfounded by the ones who have had a pretty good life since childhood and still manage to complain about how unfair life is and how it should be better. The first group of people is usually more grateful, and the later seems to be somewhat unhappy and in perpetual discontentment. It puzzles me. Does the sum of one’s life determine character? I think it determines the level of growth and maturity.

As a writer, I treasure the moments when I get to know someone a bit better in the details of a conversation, even if it is a brief conversation with a stranger. I know that I will never experience many situations in life that other people might have but knowing and interacting with people will make for better character building in writing. I always thought that psychologists could be good developers of characters if not writers because they have access to a range of human emotions and behavior.

Knowing the details or a bit more of the sum of someone’s life allows me to be less judgmental of others and more sympathetic. Think about the sum of your life up until now, how has it influenced the development of your character/personality? If you are “here-now” and are able to go back in time to answer this question honestly, consider yourself blessed.

Happy Autumn!