following your heart

The Well is Almost Dry in Every Sense of the Word

/ inkspeare
In memory of Dolly (Photo by M.A.D.)

When I set out to write this blog, many years ago, definitely more than a decade ago, I wanted to write about my journey as an indie author, my journey from the Jersey shore to the Virginia countryside, and my journey fixing up a dilapidated farmhouse. Today, I am writing about all of this and my view/feelings about it.

It has been a very dry year; the Southside is still under severe drought, a step down from extreme drought. Other counties have seen rain and with it some relief; however, Southside VA has seen a few drops here and there. The clouds roll, the thunder roars, the wind follows, but the rain never falls. My water well has seen the effects of the low or already dry creeks around here. Months ago, an older Amish man mentioned to me that his son was having trouble with the well that was used for the cows. It has become drier since then. The garden is very dry, and we hardly had any blooms this year; some plants died, as these cannot be watered properly. Last year, I collected a wheelbarrow of grapes; this year, only a bowl.

This year’s grapes (photo by M.A.D.)

The drought started officially last autumn, but this writer’s inkwell has been drying for a while now, as far as my work in progress goes. Yes, as far as my novels, I cannot seem to unlock the gate that will let the flood through, and although I have plenty of ideas for other novels, it is the current work in progress that has become stale. I am not sure why and neither do I have a logical explanation that will appease my soul, other than I have realized and come to terms in accepting my dislike and disdain for Amazon, which is my only platform for publishing at the moment. I believe that it has deteriorated and degraded in a way that is plain and simple disrespectful not only to the craft, but to the millions of serious authors who trusted it with their works from the beginning. The gatekeeper failed writers, or maybe it was set up to “fail for profit” since the start. AI only adds another layer to the madness and chaos.

My love of writing has not been altered; only the venue to bring it to life has, and until I make peace with it, or step away to embrace another venue, I don’t know if my current work will see the light soon. I don’t even know if it will make a difference, after all, Amazon is still the number one venue for independent authors, even when more and more indie writers are leaving this venue. As of today, I don’t have an answer; time will tell. I will tend to my writing, as if it was my secret garden, even if I don’t decide to publish right away.

My love affair with this old farmhouse continues, and we (my husband and I) continue to make it better year after year, following the initial vision we had for it, but also making adjustments to the plan as needed. For example, converting part of the downstairs into a bedroom, a necessary endeavor after realizing that the stairs were too steep and difficult to climb when I injured my knee last year. It will be needed in the future as well, that is, if we age in place. Other important issues have derailed some of the work, such as an almost-dry water well, and the need to hook up to public town water in the near future, as well as new neighbors who do not understand private property boundaries, and continue to use part of our property as a football field, central park, or a parking lot, which has prompted the need to install a fence due to obvious liability reasons, making this, another big ticket item that has derailed the previous plans. The downstairs bedroom will be finished this coming weekend. On a positive note, all this increases real estate value. A time for everything and everything in its time seems to be my motto now. Either or, I will be glad to welcome a very wet and stormy autumn if we are blessed with it.

As far as this blog, it will continue its initial purpose, but also, it has become a very dear part of my journey, and a priceless way to connect with the rest of humanity. Human connection is one of the most beautiful gifts from God, and so is creativity. I will end this post with a few pictures I took this summer, moments that captured my attention for a bit.

Baby deer has grown quickly. He was born near the blue shed (Photo by M.A.D)
Mama deer teamed up with another mom, and both are raising their babies together. I guess it is a smart way to assure that either baby is safe or taken care if something happens to either one of the mothers. (Photo by M.A.D.)
Marigolds were the only flowers that bloomed in large quantity and were definitely a lifesaver for butterflies. (Photo by M.A.D.)
I decided to move the hummingbird feeder to the porch, and now humans and felines can enjoy the show. Also, it keeps the nectar a bit cooler. (photo by M.A.D.)
Always very happy to see one of these around – stik bug (Photo by M.A.D.)
And one of these as well (Photo by M.A.D.)
The old farmhouse today, and a work in progress (photo by M.A.D.)

Love and Light

New Pastures

/ inkspeare

It feels nice to be back. A year + has gone by since we moved to Virginia. It is very lovely here, and we are enjoying new beginnings. During those months, we worked from sun to sun to restore our 1910 farmhouse – an immense endeavor. We stayed with my sister and b-i-l, and traveled over an hour each way every day.  We still have tons of work to do but we were able to move in during the first seven months. We kept as many as the original features as we could, and strived to achieve a rustic early american look. I think we achieved what we set out to do. In two words – thrilling exhaustion. Will we ever attempt this again? I doubt it, but one never knows, so I’ll leave it at that. For some of you who might be thinking of undertaking a similar endeavor, this is what I learned.

  • It is more work than you will ever imagine.
  • It takes more time and money than budgeted.
  • You will drive each other crazy to the point of no return at times.
  • Sometimes, you will doubt your strength to keep on going, but somehow you do go on.
  • Expect the unexpected.
  • Be prepared to handle good moments, somber moments, crazy moments, sad moments, angry moments, and happy moments.
  • You need to pat each other on the back to keep going.
  • When you see the results of your hard work, it pays, and it feels very good.
  • You must have patience, endurance, and vision.

During that time we were offline and totally disconnected. I found that I enjoyed the time away from all of it. During my free moments I managed to write The Five-dollar Miracle the old-fashioned way – via pen and paper. It is in the first stage of revision and editing, and I hope that by the end of this year it will be published. This one is a bit different from my previous works.

To all of you who followed this blog and read some of the older posts while I was away, I thank you.

When the Cows Come Home

/ inkspeare

We all have heard the popular phrase “till the cows come home,” referring to a long and indefinite period of time.  “I will party till the cows come home” is a good example of it.  However, what happens when the cows come home?  And if they do, are we prepared to receive them?  I have asked myself that question many times, and the answer is always the same – I’ll never know until I see them.

Preparing for life changes can be exciting, exhilarating, scary, and many other things; however, we won’t know until the cows come home.  We continue with our plans of leaving Jersey and moving to the country.  Although we are preparing for it, and are excited … we won’t know until the cows come home.  For now, all we can do is wait for them, and prepare for their arrival.  In a way, it is good that things happen a bit slow, it gives you time to appreciate the road, the roses, the thorns, and yes, it gives you time to wait for those cows.

Picture taken on our way to the farmhouse.  I guess some cows where having second thoughts and heading back.

Flipping the Switch

/ inkspeare

Starting to live a simple life has not been easy.  Mostly, because it has been a slow process and one that has been the result of some good and not so good events.  It has been ticking, and finally the pieces are starting to fall in place, slowly, one by one.  It is a process of shedding, not only the material, but of the feelings attached to those material things.  It’s been a time to shed emotions, and of retrospection; a time of discovery, and of realization.  It has also been a time to do just the opposite of what had been expected and go against the current, of letting go.  That has been the spiritual side of it, although the material part has had its own challenges.  

Once you see the material for what it is, it becomes less important, little by little, step by step.  What used to be hard to get rid of, one day becomes easy, the feelings attached are still there, but you realize that the feelings will always be there, and they don’t need the physicality of an object to be brought to memory.  Most of it is crap, from shoppaholic days, or the result of some old empty void being filled at the time.  Once acknowledged, it is free to let go, and so is all the stuff that goes with it.

There are catalysts in our lives that act as switches, to turn us on to achieve our next level as evolving human and spiritual beings.  These catalysts can take the form of persons (even the ones that may hurt you), events, and things.  So however we have arrived to the start of living a simple life – I thank the persons (good and bad), the events, and the things, which have made it possible.  

Once the switch has been flipped, the rest of our life – the simple life – follows.

Flip the Switch