Ponderable

In Between the Lines – Betrayal

/ inkspeare / 2 Comments

Betrayal – I don’t like to hear or even say the word. It is sour, pungent, and yes, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and soul. If you have ever been betrayed and never saw it coming, then you know what I mean. Unsuspected betrayal is one of the hardest things to forget and forgive.

Betrayal is present as a secondary theme in one of my novels – Ramblings of the Spirit (The Dinorah Chronicles). What intrigues me about betrayal is that it comes in many degrees, however, leaving the same feeling, and contributing to an array of other feelings/emotions that attach to it – distrust, anger, pain, desire for revenge, disappointment … all far away from our true nature of loving beings. What makes us depart from that nature? Different paths for different people on different journeys crossing paths in one big journey.

Betrayal is defined mainly as treason, as committing an act against … . In movies, and stories of all kind, the heroes are the good guys/girls, but most times they are betrayed. Yes, “good guys/girls” sometimes finish last (a temporary illusion). It is not the goodness in the hero that makes him/her so, but the way he/she bounces back and deals with the emotions/feelings that are packaged in with the betrayal. How we react after we open the package makes all the difference. Do we let it make us less than heroes or do we go through mourning of the self in an array of emotions (because we are human and not super-human) and decide who we want to be? Do we want to honor our loving essence or ignore it? It is a process, not an easy one, but eventually, the hero will rise, that is, if you let it.

Ouch and Developing Hind’s Feet

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Life is full of serendipity and synchronicity, and although time (timing) plays a role, it truly does not matter how long it has been, how many years have gone by, because when life, God, the Universe … fill the blank — wants to convey a message to you, everything comes to a halt so you may listen and pay attention. It has been my experience.

As a quick update, and following my earlier post, I broke my right arm near the shoulder, so it has been painful and I am undergoing physical therapy. I have not been able to tend to my writing as it was painful to write, but I am feeling better now. During this time, I have done a lot of reading. Right now I am reading a book that I read about 20 + years ago – Hind’s Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard – an allegory dramatizing the journey each of us must take before we can live in “high places.”

The book was given to me by a priest. I read the book when I was younger (much younger) and I loved it. It inspired me then, but little did I know the difference that the span of 20+ years makes when you read it again. I had forgotten about the book. I had lent it to a friend, years had gone by, and out of sight out of mind. Recently, I got a package in the mail from my dear friend, and in it I found the book with a lovely note that expressed how she was organizing her home and found the book and was returning it to me “since books are like children and should not be separated from their parents for too long” (her own words).  When I saw it, I became excited since I had forgotten about that book entirely. Then I thought, “there is a reason why I should be reading this book now, and I believe that there is a message in it for me.” Little did I know that the book contained the wisdom I needed at this moment, but moreover, the words were new to me; a different kind of understanding developed this time, as I read it. Is it the wisdom of years and experiences gone by or the need for those words at this moment? Maybe a combination of both, but I am grateful to my dear friend and I believe that she was inspired to send me the book that my soul needed now while many of my systems are being tested. How beautiful and amazing life is despite the many tests and situations it presents us with, when we least expect them. It all ties in and we are all connected in this beautiful reality and beyond.

We live in a material and dimensional reality which many times we measure by L (long) x W (wide) x H (high) but when we halt, listen, and yearn for more we can start living by another reality L (life) x W (wonder) x H (heights/new heights) and experiencing existence at another level, more meaningful, more magical, more divine. Here I leave you with another inspirational picture – a flower from my garden that may seem simple at first glance but which contains a whole universe when we look at it closely.

Photo by M.A.D.

Photo by M.A.D.

 

 

As You Become

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Prophecy – An inspired utterance of a prophet, viewed as a revelation of divine will. A prediction of the future, made under divine inspiration. Such an inspired message or prediction transmitted orally or in writing. The vocation or condition of a prophet. A prediction. (Definition by The American Heritage Dictionary)

 

The topic of prophecy is found in my novels, and I find it very interesting and compelling. Our history is filled with prophecies (good and bad), although I find that our fascination for Doomsday supersede the good examples. From apocalyptic predictions/revelations to hopeful promises of a new Earth, and heaven, our curiosity extends as we try to make sense of the world(s) that surround us. Whether we belief on prophecy or not, of any kind, I think that it begins with us, and the extent of our minds in the material world – what we believe, what we entertain, and what we do or how we react to natural and man-created events. As I ———-(fill the blank) I ———— (fill the blank). As we believe, think, focus, and act/react we become. We create and fulfill our own prophecy.

People might argue that some things we cannot control and are beyond our manipulation – Acts of God/Nature – we call them. However, every step we take (before or after) leads to a path. Nothing happens “just because” (that would be called God/Universe). Science looks for explanation, so it falls outside. What about a natural disaster? We do not control natural (not manmade) events; however, why were we in the vicinity when it happened? Certainly, there where steps that took us to reside there, travel there, born and stay there … it is called “the free-will” to decide our lives (without knowing the future and under present circumstances) – it is Life! It is the steps that we take (how we react and act) when natural or unnatural events occur in our lives that determine how the story unveils. As we write the story of our lifes, we become.

Most of us cannot read minds, foresee the future, or are psychics. We rely on our senses, information, intuition, and emotions to decide. We create our own prophecy as we go, but what we cannot do is expect different results from obvious or predictable behavior. We might have a revelation along the way that will serve as warning to change our behavior and set on a different path to obtain different results. Free will is not so much set on the absence of future events but on how we constantly create the future in the now, and how our past has become our future for the same reason.

In living we prophesy as we become.

Photo by M.A.D.

Photo by M.A.D.

My husband keeps this on his desk, and I will add that the game goes on and on and …

 

In Between the Lines

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Photo of vintage jewelry box by M.A.D.

Photo of vintage jewelry box by M.A.D.

 

How many themes can you identify in your novels? I asked myself that question, and decided to start a series of posts, each one about a primary or secondary theme that I have identified as predominant in my novels. I will start with a primary theme – Love.

Throughout all my novels, Love seems to permeate the lines, whether it is romantic love, parental love, love of God, love of a friend … however, it seems to be linked to duty, almost in a duty vs. love or love vs. duty way. To complicate things more, Destiny is mixed in between those two. Now, why is that? I am not going to analyze my author’s psyche in this post; however, I will write about Love.

The topic of Love puzzles me. Why do we love? How far will we go for love? What would I do or not do out of love? What changes the love I feel for someone into something else, or is it that love leaves the heart and another feeling takes its place? Is love circumstantial or unchangeable? Why everything seems to hover or spin around love? Why loving seems so easy or so hard at times? What is the ultimate definition of love, and according to what or whom? – and so many other questions that make Love something to ponder seriously. I even started a one year study about Love in 2009, but got distracted, and restarted it on 2013 and got distracted again, and I hope that I get to finish it sometime.

The more I ponder, the more I realize how powerful this feeling is, and how it is capable of altering reality. It is also complicated, maybe because humanity makes it so. Take as an example the mother or father who gives her/his life to save a drowning son or even the stranger that does the same. Heroic acts of love. But also, take as an example the woman who murders her ex-lover claiming that she did it out of love, because love hurt so much – a crime of passion. One can argue that true love does not hurt another being, but in the mind of that woman, does she know the difference between the love she felt for her man when they were together and the love she still feels now that they are apart? How does the mind process this Love, or is it processing the pain of loving? Is love a feeling or a chemical/nerve reaction in the brain? We say we feel love in our hearts, but are we able to isolate the area in the brain? Certainly food for thought.

And I could probably write thousands of words about this topic, and never fully understand the true power of Love, and that is not even adding the spiritual side of Love to this post – God’s love. For now, I am happy to let you ponder about it. Feel free to comment.

 

 

Today, I Must Rant

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Over the weekend, I was disappointed and annoyed. I am sure that this happens to many indie authors, and I would like your opinion on this issue. I checked my books on Amazon and realized that other independent Amazon sellers were selling the paperbacks at unreasonable and shameful prices. One of my novels was priced over $100 dollars. It made me angry because, this is stealing from readers, and I worked very hard to produced those books, and I don’t like the idea that someone is allowed to sell my novels at an exorbitant price, and make more on one book that I would make as an author in selling several. Do you understand my point?

I checked several indie authors and most of them had the same problem with their novels. I checked a best-selling author who publishes traditionally, and she did not have this issue. I don’t know if this happens with indie authors because many are not in the category of best-selling authors yet, but to me, there should be a stop to this madness. I understand that every seller has the right to price their product, but ridiculously overpricing a novel that the author has priced reasonably is unethical. I don’t know who would pay over $100 for a used book that they can buy new for under $15.00, but obviously someone does, otherwise this would not happen.  Amazon should regulate this issue. Of course, there is the argument that no one is putting a knife in the neck of the buyer, if they want to buy the book for the abominable price.

As an indie author, what do you think? Are you experiencing this?

Now, to my other disappointment – The FAKE WordPress blogs. I saw that a suspicious fake WordPress blog (that had no content) posted one of my posts (A Gift for You) as a reblog. When I looked at the blogger/blog there was no content at all in the site, only my post, making it appear as if I was the blogger giving away my novel. Immediately, I reported it to the WordPress team. I am awaiting a response. This happened yesterday. Again, I understand this happens, but it would be nice if WordPress would require their users to legitimize themselves by having a full profile and the required information before allowing them to have a blog. I think there should be a measure in place. As an author, I love WordPress, and overall, it has a great community and an awesome team. It is my blogging platform by choice, and in my opinion the best out there.

In both instances, my husband was upset and irate, because he knows how much effort and care I put into my work. I think there should be boundaries and regulations that would not allow this type of issues to exist so easy. And the word here is EASY.

What has been your experience as a blogger or indie author?

 

Picking Up the Pebbles, Carrying the Rocks, and Embracing Boulders

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Present Universe/Earth – The location

Human – The vessel

The Material – The physical state, the condition in the vessel

Change – Fuel, motivator

Target – The journey, the material experience in the vessel at the location

Goal – Growth through the experience, enjoyment, discovery, being, creation, union … to each its own journey, One as Many

Time/Space – Now (always Now, other measure of time is irrelevant)

Report – Ongoing

 

Although life might seem a weird experiment at times, it is a journey, a destination in itself, and a different experience for every person. It presents its challenges as a way to keep the journey going in the now. Without challenge, conflict, unfortunate events, fortunate events … without change, there cannot be movement, journey, growth. It is necessary as fuel to keep us going. Imagine a life of perfect harmony, everything goes one way – perfect, and nothing happens that will let you have/create a frame of reference that serves as a compass to evaluate your journey. If everything is as perfect as it can be, how would you know the difference? Simply put, without a compass/navigator you might be lost.

Many times, change (fuel) will present itself in various degrees of difficulty, as much fuel as we might need to propel us to the next level. I truly believe that. Sometimes, the size of a pebble, other times as a rock, or even a giant boulder. Sometimes even as the entire quarry. However, if growth is the goal, the natural way would be to keep walking the path, pick up the pebbles, carry the rocks, and even embrace the boulders, and if we have to go inside the quarry, may we find the message in its walls. And when we do, evolution continues.

Photo by M.A.D.

Photo by M.A.D.

 

 

 

Blue Season – Systems Crash

/ inkspeare / 2 Comments
Photo by MAD

Photo by MAD

As human, you may have experienced a blue season. It is when one of your support systems fail or crash. As organized people we have many support systems, some basic – family, friends, marriage, home, finances, health … – other systems are unique to your particular situation or life arrangement. A blue season may be brief or lengthy, come at once or crawl up on you. No matter its nature, it is still a blue season, and a whole bucket of emotions come with it. If you are lucky, you deal with one failing system at a time; however, sometimes, all systems crash at once. This is when your humanity is tested in all areas, and if there’s an echo of divinity in you, better take a good hold on it, because you’ll need it – even if you don’t believe.

What happens when the big test comes? The answer is as unique as we are, and so is the solution or outcome. The tools to use during this time appear in you somehow, and you pick them up or ignore them. During a blue season, whether a single test, or the big one, emotions and feelings run wild, solutions evade or play hide and seek, the mind plays inhumane tricks on your ego, and the physical you collapses, rendering yet another of your systems (health) weak. If you are among the Job (bible character) category, all your systems will fail at once, and Mega Blue Season it is. Better hold on tight for the ride, because this one is a wild one, and most likely, when you are crawling breathless, you will still find strength to yell, “Not fair, not me!” Just in time to collapse once more. But where did the idea of wanting a fair life came from? From our humanity.

Thank God (or whatever you choose to call it) for colors. Colors make a difference. We understand colors, just as we understand music, tunes… We can make the shades of blue whatever we want – perception? No, it is more than that, more like painting a response. We can paint our response the shade we want, until we dilute the blue to a pure white, coming out of it drenched in light, stronger, wiser, glad, and alive. Be grateful for that; I am. It is humanity at its best, or maybe a small grain of the divine seed in us. Whatever it is, it is there inside every one of us to call upon in the hour of need, during the blue season.

Easier said than done? Maybe doing has nothing to do with it. Maybe knowing is just enough. In the end, it will always be up to us. The response is up to us. Whether one or all systems crash during the blue season, how we respond during its length will determine the outcome. And that is all there is to know, as long as we choose to know.

When Your Inner Critic Befriends the Naysayers

/ inkspeare / 3 Comments

Boom! This is an explosive combination. Inner Critic + Naysayer(s) = Dangerous Liaison. If you are human, you have an inner critic living inside you. It is a ruthless, sneaky, negative, tricky, hopeless saboteur who celebrates doubt, chaos, fear, weakness, and illogical self-punishment. It creeps when you least expect it and creates the perfect environment for growing failure.  It sucks that you have to live with this innate character 24/7 but it does not have to be like that; you, the real you – the positive, enlightened, spiritual, self-assured, divine, and blessed soul who happens to live next to it, have the total control and will to overpower the inner critic. Because the inner critic knows this, it has to find outside help to validate itself, to become stronger, and to overpower the real you. It is when it welcomes any naysayer available for grabs. The inner critic delights in such presence and input; it is the perfect companion to build together an environment fertile for growing the fruits of failure – the enemies of the spirit. Because of this, you have to be vigilant and smart about the kind of company you keep, as well as the kind of conversations you encourage. Too much of it will weaken you, and will lower your defenses. It will dwindle your faith and will consume your inspiration. It will slowly envelop you in a fake comfort-blanket of self-pity and lethargy that will keep growing until it destroys you.

It is normal to have doubt, fear, even a bit of self-pity sometimes; after all, we live in blood and flesh bodies in a material world. However, it is when you allow the inner critic to form the above equation that you empower it.

Photo by M.A.D.

Photo by M.A.D.

 

Answering Your Calling – Enjoy the Process

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Animation of the structure of a section of DNA...

Animation of the structure of a section of DNA. The bases lie horizontally between the two spiraling strands. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Life is full of surprises, of twists and turns, of straight roads, of the predictable, of the inevitable, of the good, and of the not-so-good … life is a miracle. It seems short many times, too short; other times, it may seem as an eternity, depending on what chapter are you living or reliving. When we are young, we live day by day, as if life is eternal; with the pass of time, we realize that it is not, and so our search for meaning begins. We experience mid-life crisis, moments of enlightenment, moments of despair, epiphanies, and absolute sense of loss. Time becomes important, precious, our best ally, and our worst measure of self. We come to a halt; suddenly, we need more, meaning and purpose – we want to find our calling. So we set on a journey of discovery, introspection, and awe. A journey that is different for every human being. To each, its own, says the adage. We focus on finding, and we search and question, ponder and wonder … and we become exhausted. We have not found our calling. Maybe, there is nothing to be found. How can we find what is already there?

We don’t have to find our calling, we have to answer it. Each human being is here for a reason, an important and unique (as DNA) purpose. It is engraved in us, and no matter how much time goes by, the calling is still there. Our searching is part of the process of discovering to be able to answer when we are ready – in perfect synchronicity, in harmony. Instead of enjoying this process, we become frustrated, impatient, sad, lonely, angry, desperate, hopeless, doubtful, without faith … we forget about the now, the moment that is part of the whole that becomes the calling. When we become aware of the now, we begin to answer. Wonderful and magical things happen as we become present.

Majestic New Day

/ inkspeare

“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”  Psalm 118:24

The other day, I was thinking about how everyday I look at the same scenery and how a generic mental picture of that scenery is kept on my mind, as if it was a postcard that was filed in my brain. I pondered how I took the visual image for granted every day, and even thought that tomorrow that panorama as seen through the generic image filed in my brain would still be there. Well, I didn’t like the thought, so I had to change it. I needed a “not for granted” appreciation of the everyday scenery. Why? Because writing is a solitary endeavor, and sometimes, too much of it starts to feel stale. I took several pictures of the same scenery on different days. This exercise opened my eyes, and reprogrammed my brain. It also gave me a sense of renewal and gratitude. Pictures sometimes tell it better than words (yes, I said that), so here is a Majestic New Day of the same scenery. This pictures have not been enhanced in any way, which proves how blessed we are every day, and how blind we can become to what each day brings anew.

On an early morning, before sunrise. A thick line of clouds in the horizon, perfectly straight looks like a mountain.

On an early morning, before sunrise. A thick line of clouds on the horizon, perfectly straight looks like a mountain.

The sun is rising on another day, at about the same time.

The sun is rising on another day, at about the same time.

On another day, the same view, the sun already out, and this time a palette of gold.

On another day, the same view, the sun already out, and this time a palette of gold.

Do you see what I mean? The same view in the morning, but on different days this week has no resemblance to the generic mental image that I keep of the view.  It tells a story of a majestic and wonderful gift of a brand new day, that the Creator of this universe paints different every day, and for our enjoyment. I could probably go on an on taking pictures, and each day, it would be different. The generic image might still be in my brain, but not with the same level of appreciation.