career

When Misery Loves Company

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We have heard this line many times – “Misery loves company.”  It is a very damaging way to live by.  Why?  When we sulk in our misery and surround ourselves with people who feel the same way, we are becoming victims of whatever situation it is that we sulk about and prolong.  Some people may even live a lifetime this way.  They have become victims and most likely, blame another for their misfortune.

I wholehearted believe that I cannot blame anyone for whatever happens in my life, because ultimately, I make the decisions, whether these are decisions that I make or think I have to make, but is not what I would like to do – in any case, I always decide, like it or not; therefore, there is no assigning blame.  When I fully understood this truth, I became free.  I saw that no matter the circumstances, I chose and that meant accepting responsibility for those decisions – positive and negative.

When we say ” it is ______ (fill the blank) fault, we are closing the door to growth.  Only by understanding that you are responsible for every path taken, and letting go of blame, there can be growth.  For some people, this is difficult to accept and they don’t want to be reminded of it.  If you do, they will find something wrong with you to be able to refute this truth, whether it is your lack of experience in certain area or life situation or something else.  For them, this is ground for invalidation of what you have to say.  Many times, that same “lack” is what helps you be neutral and understand many points of view.  Keep playing the same misery song and you will keep dancing the same misery dance.  If you don’t change the tunes, don’t expect your feet to move at a different rhythm.  That is what I say.

The artist/writer is many times, misunderstood and labeled.  Many artists/writers know that there is a price to pay when they chose to welcome creativity and change in their lives, specially when others don’t understand their art or path.  They may be accused of daydreaming, having unrealistic expectations, not working, being too emotional … and many other things, tons of other things.  If you find yourself wanting your dream very much and on the path to make it real, to survive this you must avoid becoming discouraged by what others may or may not think of you and you must work your dream against the odds.  Most important, don’t invite company to celebrate misery, because misery loves company, and growth will stop.

The Why to What?

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As I savor the last piece of my magical box of Turkish Delight, I happen to be thinking about a post I read earlier.  The post was about “what you really really really want,” and you can read about it in Ollin Morales blog – Courage 2 Create.  Well, right now what I really want is another box of Turkish Delight, but pondering about this issue prompted me to write this post.  I like to read books about positive thinking/attitude, setting goals … and so on.  Most of these books talk about how important and crucial it is to know your why, because without knowing your why, it will be very difficult to achieve your goals.  The Why is the real reason or motivator for you to do something or achieve what you want.  Thinking about Ollin’s post, I realized that the Why doesn’t matter so much if you don’t know or have a clear definition of “what you really really want.”  In other words, you have to know the What to be able to ponder and establish your true Why.

Unless you know your true What, your Why is useless.  To add to the dilemma, many times, you might think that what you want is a certain something, to later find out that you really didn’t want that at all, or maybe had to tweak your want a bit to realize that your Why was totally out of zinc with your What.  I don’t blame you if your head hurts by now, but life is complicated sometimes, or at least, our perception of it.  I have found that many times, my What (s) were totally wrong, and my Why (s) did not take me there; however, I found that it was all a process for me, and one that I had to undergo to be able to find my true What and Why.  Sometimes, the journey is a What in itself, and later, it becomes the Why, at least temporarily until you realize your true What and Why.

Don’t forget to check out Ollin’s post; you can find it by clicking here – http://ollinmorales.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/and-you-cant-pull-me-down/

 

 

To Creed or Not to Creed

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What is a creed?  The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as:  “a statement of beliefs or principles.”  The origin is from the Latin credo – “I believe.”   In this fast-changing, high stress, quick-consuming world, the need to reaffirm our beliefs, our truth, is necessary to achieve the goals that we have proposed to ourselves.  Goal setting, planning, ambitions … all that is good, but in order to achieve our target, we must know what we want, why, and marry that to our belief system.  Anytime that there’s a “glitch” between the “wants” and “our truths,” the balance is off, and somehow, we don’t feel quite centered.  The harmony has been altered, and our focus, shifted.  The result is a deviation of our initial intent.  The goals that were set in excitement soon become out of target, far, or simply unattainable.  We lose our steam, our “mojo,” and the path that we were heading towards, soon disappears.  A feeling of discontent and emptiness hovers like a cloud over us, and sometimes, we ask to ourselves:  Why do I feel this way? – What’s wrong with me?  Not knowing the answer, we just accept the feeling of emptiness and we carry it around with us, until it blends in our soul.  I know, I was there once.

To answer the previous questions:  Nothing is wrong with you.  Simply said, “You are out of balance.”  Your “wants” and “your truth,” are not in perfect alignment with your self.  This is why writing your own creed is important.  It serves as a reminder, a beacon, to where you are headed.  This is the destination that you mapped:  your dreams, goals, desires – all those things that make life worth living, and that are personal and different for everyone.  Put your creed in writing; carry it around in your pocket or your wallet.  Read it every day as a reminder of your goals.

Before writing your creed, think of what you believe, who you are in the core, and what you want.  Visualize yourself with your trophy, in balance.  Then, write it down as if it already happened.  It should be no longer than a paragraph, short but very clear to you – so you can easily read it every day.  That is your creed.

What you believe, you become.  “And the word became flesh…”  (John 1:14)

Dreaming Your Reality

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Many times, we entertain fantasies of dreams and goals for the future, and we take them as far as we can in our minds.  The sad part is that as soon as we come back to reality, this is where it stops, and we delegate them to the file drawers of our mind, until we decide to fantasize again.  Why do we do this?  Is it because we think that there is no way we can reach our dreams and goals?  Or is it that the daily grinding puts a lid on our dreams?  Is life making it impossible for us to reach our dreams?  Living should be part of attaining those dreams; instead, we act as if by living the daily routine, we are removing ourselves from those same dreams and goals.  We end up adopting an “impossible” way of thinking, and instead, we replace our dreams with fantasizing about them.

The first step to achieve our dreams is to remove the word impossible from our vocabulary, and our minds, and from our belief system.  Let us adopt a different thinking.  What was one impossible becomes probable, then, it becomes possible, until it becomes a reality.  Many inventions have followed this path.  If we adopt this way of thinking, we will reach our dreams, turning them into probabilities, possibilities, and finally into reality.  This doesn’t mean that it will be an easy journey – it is different for every person and each person needs to learn the lessons in the process.  For some, it is faster than for others; it may even take an entire lifetime, for some.

When we give room to self-doubt and self-limiting assumptions, we are saying the word impossible, over and over, and we start to believe it.  Therefore, the next step is to remove the self-doubt and self-limiting assumptions that we entertain daily.

You can dream, but you have to be proactive at your dreaming.  To put it simple, you can dream that one day you will win the lottery, but if you never play a ticket, you are self-limiting yourself.  You are not acting on your dream.  What would someone think if you told them a hundred years ago that one day you would send them mail that will take seconds – you would probably use another way of expressing yourself, maybe by saying that you will one day send a letter that will take an instant to arrive.  They would have told you that time traveling is impossible or that you are going nuts; maybe even commit you.  An email makes this impossible possible.

This is just an example to illustrate that your dreams are not impossible; it is up to you to dream them into reality.  When you start working towards your dreams, step by step, little by little, as you make progress, they will start to look more real, more possible.  And don’t forget to send the naysayers an email when you get there.

Finding Your Own Paradigm

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Truth!

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The American Heritage Dictionary defines paradigm as:  an example or a model.

We follow paradigms all our lives (voluntary or involuntary), since the time we are born, till the time of our departure.  Standards are set, ideals, models of behavior, social patterns that we follow throughout our lives, sometimes, without questioning their validity.  We accept these models as truth, but sometimes these models fail us.  When this happens, it is time to reevaluate the standards and ideals on which we have put our faith.

Finding your own paradigm, creating your own system, is necessary if you want to accomplish what you have set out to achieve in your life.  Following predetermined systems, other people’s ideas of “what works” – blindly – guarantees many broken dreams, and tons of wasted precious time.

There are set models and standards that have been established to help the better functioning of society.  Our job as responsible individuals is to weigh those systems and take what is useful, apply it to our lives, and improve on it.  By learning to get in touch with our dreams, goals, inner desires, skills, and core beliefs, we give form to our own system – what works for us.

While creating your own system, you can expect to make waves, to raise eyebrows, and to get the unsolicited truth from “the know it all.”  You will have to endure the comments coming from your loved ones (the ones that hurt the most), as they cannot see pass beyond their reality and the label that they have assigned you through the years.  Their opinion is sometimes clouded by the expectations by which they live, and these by the paradigms that they have themselves accepted as true.  Many times, influenced by titles, society labels, and the general belief of the masses, that follow as blind cattle.  So what if you are the only one proud of what you do for a living?  What if it is taking longer for you to hit the “I made it” label?  The growth is slowly, many times, and each person is different.  This is the price to pay for following your truth.  “As you believe so shall become,” we have heard this adage before, simple but true.  The law of attraction says that what we think, believe, and visualize, becomes our reality.   The Bible, and many other uplifting philosophies reinforce the same premise.  Many turned into paradigms, many twisted by society, history, political powers … and so on.

My question to you is whose reality?

 

 

Planning Your New Year – Resolution Solution

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The New Year is around the corner, and we start thinking about new goals, plans, starting anew, and the inevitable – all the goals that we set and did not accomplish.  We feel guilty, and at our worst, as failures.  So we take the pen and paper and start all over again, sometimes repeating the same goals – promising ourselves:  “this year for sure …”  I’ve been there.

Setting goals and naming things that we want to accomplish should not be a painful or shameful process.  It should be a guide, a road map of what we want to do and where we want to end up.  But goals should be realistic and measurable.  Just saying: “I want to lose weight” is not enough.  Instead, go thru a series of questions like:  how many pounds, how, when will I schedule the how, and most important – why?  Why do I want to lose the weight?  Your motivator is your best weapon.  If you don’t know your why, most likely, another year will pass, with no results.  This formula should be applied to every goal or project that you plan for the New Year.

Take a planner or your PC and schedule in your goals, daily, weekly, or however you figured out that you will work at them throughout the entire year.  If you have a reminder every day of your goal schedule, then it is likely that you will work at them with more enthusiasm and determination.  Set an automatic reminder in your PC.  The list of goals written on December 31st is not enough – it has to be planned.

Start thinking realistically of the things that you want to accomplish this coming year; make your list, but don’t stop there – map out a schedule to make them real.  At the end of the year, even if some of them did not work out, most will – and you will feel better and more productive.  I find that by doing this, by the end of the year I see that I have crossed out a good part of my list.  Some goals are still there, but I am a few steps closer to them, and I can always continue to work on them.

One thing that I have observed in some people if that they take their goals as written in stone and will not deviate, even when there is a need for some modification.  Many times a goal is missed just because of this, which is ironic.  In addition, goals should be taken as a guide to where we want to be and not as a horse blinder that will prevent us to enjoy the scenery in the process.  It is good to set some goals but it is also good to leave some room for flexibility, change, and modification.

Happy New Year Planning!

You are What You Read

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How many times have you heard the adage “You are what you eat?”  The same can be said about reading.  You are what you read.  Whatever you feed your brain, that is the connection that you are promoting.  The connections that form in the brain are the result of the stimuli that we receive.  So, if we feed the brain garbage, we better beware, because that is the connection that we are forming.  Despite all our medical and scientific advances, much of how the brain works is still a mystery.  But we know for sure that the brain is making connections as we learn and receive more stimuli.

So when Rene Descartes – the philosopher – said, “I think therefore I am,” we can say that he was not only referring to the cognitive and thinking process, but for sake of this argument, of the possibility of becoming in the sense of what we feed our brains.  How does a college student become a physician?  By learning, reading, and studying to be one.  He becomes the information that he studied.

The possibilities are infinite.  By feeding our brain the right kind of information we become.  Take your goals into consideration.  For example, do you want to be in a better financial position?  Then, start feeding your brain the kind of information that will take you there.

We also read for entertainment. It relaxes us, and takes us to another world.  When is time to come back to reality the reading material that we choose to advance ourselves, is as important as the air we breathe.  Many of us use reading as an escape to reality, or a tool for learning, but it can be much more.  Reading can be a positive power of suggestion, a tool to make you achieve your potential.

So, next time you pick up that book (or magazine, or whatever) – are you feeding your brain a healthy diet?

Think, Speak, and Do, but Love

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Some people may not agree with me on this, but our entire existence is based on three words – Think, Speak, and Do.  These words shape our present, and with it, our past and future.  I have realized that where I am is a result of those three words.  What I think, and how I think has much input in how I conduct myself and in the way I choose to live my life.  What I think, is in part shaped by what I read, see, and entertain in my mind; however, my interpretation of it also bares weight. Visualization is rooted in what I think, so I better think positive to visualize a great future or outcome.  However, it goes deeper than that, because what I think and visualize NOW is what really counts.

What I speak, what comes out of my mouth, also shapes my present.  If I speak negativity, I should not expect positive results.  When I call myself dumb or idiot it is shaping the image that I have of myself and the one that I will present to the world.  The words that I utter, aloud or silently, are powerful.

What I do, the actions I take, are highly influenced by what I think and what I have spoken to myself or to others.  Action is always preceded by thought.  However, many times, it may seem as if we do the opposite – Do we really?

If I think and speak positive, I must still take action to be able to enjoy all the great opportunities coming my way, and grab them as they present themselves.  Think, Speak, and Do interrelate to shape my life.  However, there is a word that will change greatly what I think, speak, and do – LOVE.

When I think, speak, and do with Love, things take a different meaning.  Doing things lovingly really makes a different in how I view my day, my life.  This is why we hear people say, “Do what you love and you will be successful, the rest will come …”  This is why when I like something very much I say – “I love chocolate or coffee …” It is why we can say to our loved ones “I love you.”  I can think, speak, and do all the positivity until I am all pumped up to take on the world, however, if I don’t use a genuine loving approach, I can only go so far.

There was a time when I worried much about all kinds of things – career, money, knowledge, long to do lists, information, image … the list goes on and on.  One day, out of a series of unfortunate events, I realized that all it matter was how I dealt with that big four letter word during my existence – LOVE.  Now, I still care about those things, but in a loving way.

Is it Fear of Failure or Fear of Success?

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Figure 20 from Charles Darwin's The Expression...

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As artists/writers we have heard how important it is to learn to deal with rejection.  Simply, it is part of the path we take.  Many books have been written about rejection.  We recognize rejection as part of the growth process and almost embrace it.  However, we are not so happy with the concept of failure.  We avoid failure, we fear it, and we want no part of it.  The fear of failure is paralyzing for some people, for others, it may be the fuel that propels them to keep excelling at what they do – we react differently in various circumstances.  These people, whether paralyzed or excelling, have something in common – the fear of failure.  However, there is a third group, which I am very aware of, simply because I found myself in that group once.

This third group thinks that they are afraid of failure; however, this is not the case.  The real fear has been disguised as fear of failure, but on the contrary, it is not failure what this groups fear – it is success.  Fear of success can be as paralyzing as the fear to fail.

Fear of success may be a personal issue and rooted in your childhood, or on any other phase of your life.  It is very hard to spot, and that is why it may hide itself as fear of failure or even of rejection.  Fear of success may involve being afraid of new things or new responsibilities, or even of the spot light and recognition that comes with success, in many cases.  The issue is personal.  If you think that you are afraid of failure, ask yourself why.  Ask again, and again … until you can’t ask no more; the answer may surprise you, as it did me.

Once in the open, your fear has no where else to hide and you can look at it straight, understand it, accept it, and move on.  Once you do this, it will never have the power to paralyze you, because it has been exposed.

So, is it fear of failure or fear of success?

The binding of Age

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Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909.

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If you grew up as I did, most likely, you will have the imprinted belief that as soon as you hit 40, you are going down hill.  I have seen a few over the hill greeting cards that seem to cater to that frame of thought.  Believing that this is the case, is a very dangerous thing because it binds you to certain expectations throughout your life.  Certain things should have happened before you turned 45, and if they have not, most likely you will abandon certain goals, and will end up feeling a failure.  What a sick belief!

The truth is that no one knows how long they will live and most people may live to their late eighties.  In this case, being 40, for example, is having half or more of your life to live.  This is not the time to abandon goals or feeling as a failure; on the contrary, it is the time to make them real and with more “gusto” since you have already enjoyed many years of being traditionally “young.”

Age is in your mind;  it is a matter of how your mind is set and of how it has been programmed all these years.  Yes, there are some physical changes on the outside, but the “you” inside the shell knows better.  No one likes wrinkles or the physical changes that come with age; if they did, plastic surgery and beauty aides would not exist.  I myself, am not a fan of wrinkles.  However, I have met young people who act as 90 year olds, and 80 year olds who act as if they were 25.  For those 80 year olds that still see a bright life ahead of them, age is just a number, and age does not bind them to any “society expectations” – they are the masters of their lives.