kindness

The Stages of a Simple Beginning (Starting Over)

/ inkspeare
Morning Glory (photo by M.A.D.)

Ever had to start over, either by a conscientious and premeditated choice or by a forced circumstance? It is like the Spring that comes after the death of Autumn and the coldness of Winter. The difference between the two circumstances is the degree of trauma or excitement. Either way, one has to start somewhere. So, where to start? Obviously, safety is most important to consider. Once a person has a safe haven where primary needs are met, such as food, shelter, income, and other basic needs, only then a person can start recovering and dreaming again, but not until one has grieved the past. Grieving the past is the one thing that should not be avoided, the sooner the better, and the faster a person can recover from whatever circumstances caused a “starting over” situation. Even in a planned and voluntary fresh start, I have to leave things behind, a form of grieving. Only then, forgiveness is possible, of others and myself. Only then, I will be able to move forward towards a new day, a fresh start, a new beginning. The simpler the start, the better.

Simple beginnings hardly are simple. I have to find balance again, the old is gone, and the new, well, it has not fully arrived yet. I am in a suspended state for a brief time, a time where everything or mostly everything is new, unfamiliar, and unpredictable to some degree. Sometimes, one has to find oneself before charging to a brand-new future; a new present has its own challenges, some easier than others, depending on the circumstances that catapulted the change. Even when the change is planned and executed carefully, the unpredictable shows up.

When embracing a new beginning, a slow pace at first helps me see with more clarity the road ahead, even during sudden change. I might not be able to control circumstances, but I can slow down in the way I react to change; I can always control the part that is me. It all starts with me, and of course, faith. Hope will follow soon enough, and with hope, new dreams and possibilities. Once I start dreaming again, I have begun again.

As writers, many times we place one of our characters in such a predicament of starting over, and by not rushing a character through all the stages of a simple new beginning, we are building the character’s credibility and ultimately that character’s truth. When we don’t rush ourselves, and we go through the same stages, we start regaining confidence, believing in ourselves once more, finding our truth. But life is not fiction, even if we deny reality and try to live in our own fantasy. Eventually, the fantasy dissolves and we are left with the possibility of change, of making the decision of a simple new beginning, even when that might be just as simple as embracing a brand-new day, as it is for many. During that time, kindness to ourselves and others on the way will make the most significance.

When we focus on our differences, we don’t see need, and we miss an opportunity for kindness. Kindness with promotion cheapens it. Kindness without forgiveness cancels it.

Reflection

/ inkspeare / 2 Comments

The stay at home order here in Virginia extends until June 10, so far. There is no doubt that this time has been sad and challenging for so many people in so many ways. I don’t think that there is anyone on this planet that has not been touched in one way or another, whether health, grief, loss, financial issues, isolation … so many ways. It has also been a time to pause and reflect on many things. Also, a time for enlightenment in so many levels. For me, I have seen so many blessings in my life, and also on the outside world. My eyes have been keened; it is the only way I can describe it.

I have always been grateful to God for so many things in my life; however, I have discovered many more during this time. I have also seen another side of humanity, a better side, one that I thought had been lost. My faith in it has been renewed. We have learned to appreciate everyday little details, things that we have been taking for granted – touch, company, face to face conversations, gatherings, health, outings, the free outdoors, the freedom to walk around without reserve, and normalcy, whatever that was for you. Just think of the “joy” and/or relief you feel when you see that roll of toilet paper at your grocery store. It may sound as a joke, but doesn’t that feel different now? Our routine, our life has been halted and flipped upside down. Thanks to that, most of us have been able to see better. We appreciate more the work and dedication of so many people, the ones that out of the sudden we call “essential workers.” If we ever looked down on many of those jobs, now we see how meaningful these occupations were. These people were always there, but now we see them better. Now, we call them heroes. Now, we can see better.

Yes, we also have the people who are still thinking about “me, myself, and I” – their modus operandi. The ones who protest about having to spend time at home for over a month. The ones who say, “I’d rather die from Covid-19 than live like this” (yes, someone actually said that when interviewed on the local news). The ones who say, “I already got it; I don’t have to worry.” The ones who cannot stay just a few more weeks home, social distancing, because they are not having “fun.” I think that most people are on the same page, but for those who are not, it has never been about you, or your life, or your body/health, or your fun. It is about the other, your parents, your siblings, your kids, your grandparents, your neighbors … even your pets. You are staying home for them, not for you.

Our first responders, doctor, nurses, aides, grocery store employees, gas attendants … are as human as we are. They get tired, they get hungry, they get sad, they cry, their bodies hurt from those long hours, their hearts feel; they too, have human limits. Don’t take them for granted. They have made their calling a priority at this time. They don’t have to be there for you or me, but they have chosen to do so.

It is easy to yell and protest about “my rights,” but not so easy to see the thin line that exists between our rights and those of our neighbor. It has never been about you, or me.