American Dream

It is Not You!

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We are conditioned and bombarded with messages from the second we arrive in this world, positive and negative, messages of becoming a success and live up to our unlimited potential. These messages may be subtle or direct, and they become ingrained in our minds and hearts so deeply that we spend the rest of our lives chasing the success we were told and promised if we did all the right things. It happens in every culture on this planet, but here, we call it the American Dream.

People sacrifice everything in the pursuit of this promise, and when they see that some poor soul rose from the ashes and achieved what they have dreamed of, well, it serves as a reinforcement that they are in the right path, that no sacrifice is in vain. They say, “I too, will succeed.” But what happens when you have done all the right things, taken all the right steps, followed the rules, sacrificed much, and success has not materialized how you visualized it? It puzzles you, it shrinks you, it demoralizes you because deep inside you know well that you gave it your all, and more so.

Have you ever thought of something, that the piece of the puzzle that refuses to connect, to finish your picture of success has nothing to do with you? That there is nothing wrong with you, that it is not you? That you are living in an imperfect system that failed you, and not the other way around? You did not fail. You are not a failure. You did everything you learned you were supposed to do, you followed every rule, you sacrificed much more than you should have, and you gave more than one hundred percent in the pursuit of your dream. If you can honestly answer, “Yes, I did all that,” then you did not fail. You did not fail yourself, you did not fail your loved ones, and you did not fail “the system,” but the system failed you. A system that has not evolved with each new generation but that has eroded in every area possible, and has become obsolete, slowly.

Each one of us has a different journey to follow, and one doesn’t fit all. If today, you are feeling exhausted, drained, demoralized, and even without faith, don’t blame yourself for your “material failures”. There is much more to your journey here than the material success that you were sold into since you arrived at your earthly living. The One who designs everything designed your journey, and with it, it gave you the freedom to choose. Every new day that you receive only means that your journey has not ended, that there is still more to come, and that you are certainly more important in this journey of yours than the imperfect and incomplete image of success that you were presented with and sold when you didn’t know better. But now you do. You are finally free. It is not you, and you are not a failure. So, pick up your journey and invite your Designer, your Maker, your Creator into the rest of your life. But this time, knowing fully that it is not you, that you are not a failure, but a victor in Him.

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.” Proverbs 16:3

The Elusiveness of Success

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A carpenters' ruler with centimetre divisions

A carpenters’ ruler with centimetre divisions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At one point or another, we think about success, about how “successful” we are in our lives or endeavors.  The problem with measuring success is that we usually measure it against an ideal set up by society or against the success of others in our circle or people whom we admire and consider successful.  It is no surprise that most people would consider themselves unsuccessful and may feel a bit discouraged or sad about their stagnant lives or careers.  Little do we know that we are looking in the wrong direction and we are using the wrong measuring stick.

The question is, if we want to be successful (success is defined here as feeling realized and whole) why are we looking outwards when we should be looking inwards?  Why use the success of others as a measuring stick when we are our own “self” with unique dreams and goals, feelings about those dreams and goals, and a sense of where we want to be, whether clear or not at the moment.

Maybe it is that we are taught (since early age) to look at role models not so much in admiration but as imitation.  When we are asked the question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” we are being asked, “who do you want to be like?”  If we happen to give the wrong answer, our parents or caretakers will offer a better suggestion – “why not becoming a – fill the blank – instead?”  And the quest for success starts.

I think that society needs role models, but not at the expense of creativity and individuality.  Role models fuel dreams, mentors inspire.  All that is good; however, it is sad that today we look to Hollywood to find role models, when we might have one in our backyards (and that is not to say that there aren’t any role models in Hollywood, because there are).  Without sounding preachy, let’s go back to the topic of success and why it may seem so elusive.

“Why don’t I feel successful?”  This is a good question to ask ourselves.  It focuses on the individual and his/her feelings, which is an inward point of view.  The minute we focus our answer outwards, there lies the problem (the culprit).  A possible answer could be – “Because I have not found an agent or a publisher yet” or “Because I don’t have much money” or “Because my art is not selling well enough” or “Because I am no Stephenie Meyer or Bill Gates” and it could go on and on …  These are examples of answers that point outwards and offer the wrong measuring stick.  The feelings of inadequacy that you might be experiencing may not be yours at all but rooted into the illusion of becoming like someone else, and that in itself is denying your own individuality (in a sense).  And this is why success is so elusive for most of us – because looking inwards is not that easy, and it is not what we were taught as we grew up.

So today, look inwards, take account of all your efforts, and see how far you have come, and celebrate that.  It is the first step to feeling successful and capturing the elusive butterfly.  Greatness comes from within and it becomes when it is directed to the service of others.