existence

You Are Not What You Own

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I took this picture in 2012 or so; it still speaks to me. (Photo by M.A.D.)

The minute we open our eyes to receive a brand-new day we are bombarded by advertising, whether on the news, the items we already own, and it continues throughout our day. Whether we realize it or not, we are being sold something (material or other) all the time. It is no wonder that we feel the need to accumulate more things and think that we actually need most of these items to live. We have learned to build status, a persona, around these things, and many times, we confuse who we are with the number of things or status we possess. Society builds itself around opportunities to have and have more, as well as the perception other people have of what we own. If we don’t own, we might not feel at par with the rest and we feel diminished. Why is that?

We have placed more value on our material possessions than on the God-given gifts and abilities we have; we have become our possessions and to have less than what society expects of us is unacceptable for many people. If we don’t follow the herd, we feel marginalized because sometimes, we are. The day we open our eyes and wake up, that is the day that we realize that we are more than what we own, and that our human value surpasses all of that. We understand that any material items in our lives are a blessing and not an extension of our Self. Then, we become grateful and free, not controlled or cursed by our material possessions or even the emotional weight that these put on us. Gratefulness opens the door for generosity and sharing. The true essence of who we are starts to emerge.

Finding Courage in the Midst of Uncertainty

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If you are like me, you want to know as much as possible about a subject before jumping to conclusions or making decisions. I detest half-answers or uncertainty. However, life is a mystery in certain ways, and we don’t always have all the information when we need it. It is part of what makes life worth living, in a way, full of challenges and mystery, usually when you least expect it; call it the lessons of life, sort of.

Uncertainty brings with it not only lack of information, but sometimes, half-truths, bad timing, and sometimes even fear of the unknown. How do you find courage in the midst of all that? How do you navigate through uncertainty in a sea of half-truths, unanswered questions, and lack of information when you want answers fast? Uncertainty drags the soul towards fear. Courage is found through hope, and hope through prayer. Prayer is the best tool when uncertainty lingers in your life and the dawn seems to take longer that you had hoped. Finding courage in the midst of uncertainty is just a prayer away.

The Question You Never Asked

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As writers developing a story, we have questions in the back of our mind. Questions about our characters, situations, details in the story… and much more. Many times, these questions define a character, personality, and its story within the main story. As writers we are not afraid to ask or answer those questions. As people, many times we avoid the questions and answers in our own story. Ever wanted to know the answer to a question you did not want to ask? Sometimes, the truth might hurt more than the question. Sometimes, the question you never asked is the answer you don’t want to know. Life is full of questions and answers; some questions are better left unanswered.

Freedom, Material Detachment

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At the start of a new year, we are bombarded with commercials about weight loss, organizational systems, and anything that will sell a fresh start. Our society has embraced consumerism and “the more and bigger the better” modus operandi while taken it to new levels. This is a topic close to my heart and I should start by saying that I am not a minimalist, although I can appreciate all its benefits.

Throughout the years, I have learned to live with less and continue to do so. Each day is an opportunity to have one less material thing in my life. I still find beauty in things and certainly have my favorites. However, I have pared down quite a lot since I started my journey on living a simpler life. I honestly don’t see myself becoming a hardcore minimalist, but I truly believe in achieving a real balance between material needs and wants.

Pondering about this topic, the other day I asked myself the following question: What would I take with me if I were to leave my home? I find it a good mental and soul-searching exercise. One that lets you know how little you really need. I did this room by room, and my husband even played the game with me briefly, in our living room. The answer had to be significant for each item, and have meaning attached to it, a real reason for keeping the item. I was surprised at the very small number of items I came up with to keep (clothing did not count on this exercise, neither meds, etc.). The number really surprised me. I came up with less than 20 items in my entire home that had meaning and that I would consider taking along if I were to move. For example, my deceased grandmother’s rosary, and my deceased pet’s casted pawprints. It helped me understand a few truths. First, that I have more than I need. That not everything I own has meaningful value, and that I have detached from stuff considerably throughout the years. Also, that I can appreciate the beauty of something, I don’t necessarily need it, and I can live without it.

Many times, we spend so much money, energy, time, and effort in the material part of our existence without even realizing how much weight it puts on our daily living. I still like things, but I don’t need them for my existence or happiness; I think that is where real balance is found. When things don’t weigh in our lives and do not take priority over it, thus affecting other more important issues such as time, energy, financial well-being, time with loved ones … then, a balance has been found. This type of balance goes beyond decluttering. It is not just shedding stuff away, or of an organizational value, instead, it is centering and puts in perspective our material priorities and highlights meaningful value.

I encourage you to give this little exercise a try. It is eye opening, and fun too. Certainly freeing.

Decade of Doom and Gloom

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Ever had a time in your life when everything seemed to go wrong, and you didn’t know why? I mean, you even questioned your existence or desired to cease to exist. Many years ago, I had such an experience, an entire decade. During that time, I lost so much. I lost my beloved grandmother, who raised me and was a mother to me. I also lost two brothers, six much-adored pets that I loved as my kids, almost everything I owned, and I almost lost myself. Why am I sharing this very personal experience? Well, because I believe now that we are put on this earth to be beacons of light to others, and if there is one person out there that has lost its way during a bad life-storm, then it is worth writing about it.

That decade left me shriveled and tired, out of breath, questioning everything; I was emotionally and physically drained. However, upon reflecting on that very dark time, I realized that there was a constant. That constant was the love of God, even when I could not feel it at that moment. Events and moments like that blindfold you, and you cannot think straight or weave two thoughts together, neither give of yourself to anything or anyone. As sad, desperate, drained or disconnected as you may feel, there is one thing that you can do, and that is talk to the one that made you and put you on this earth for whatever purpose, whether you see it or not. God is always accessible and ready to listen, when you are ready to talk.

During those dark days I found that this was the only constant in my life. The love of Jesus was ready to embrace me, if I would only let it. With time, day after day, I saw God’s hand working in my favor, rendering the help I had asked for, and working all the details. It let me to believe and know that He is just a prayer away, ready to intervene in my life if I only let go of my walls of darkness and call upon Him. The love of God transcends the material and immaterial, so anything that you might think is too much and is breaking you, that love can heal anything in your life. Just ask with your heart open; He is next to you, ready to answer. Just give it a try; I did.

We Are a People …

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We are a People…

We are a people of strength,

because we are a people of faith.

We are a people of courage,

our faith rests in the Lord.

*

We are a people of kindness,

our love comes from above.

We are a people of joy.

In God we trust alone.

*

In good times, in bad times,

we are a people of soul.

For when darkness clouds our day,

It is He who restores our soul.

At that Age

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photo by Maria Antonia Diaz

I find myself at “that age,” when I finally feel that a bridge has been crossed, and the perspective from the other side of the bridge is very different from the side left behind. I can surely say that life takes a different meaning from that point of view. The things I wanted then are very different from the things I want now. One of “those things” that I have learned is to stop trying to “fix” people. What I thought in my younger years that people needed to hear, was not necessarily what needed to be said. Advice should not be given unless it is requested. Pretending to know what people need in their lives, how they should live or fix their problems, even when it is meant with a good heart, is wrong, especially when the advice isn’t requested. When we are young, we want to change the world and we might take that feeling and desire and translate it to offering wisdom from our “fresh” point of view, especially when the person is happy and satisfied with how a life is being lived. Why assume another person’s life is broken? Because it is not suitable to our standards? Why assume that our way is the only way, and the other person needs anything from us to be fulfilled, not left behind? Why “fix” their existence?

With age comes maturity. Many steps have been taken and the soles of one’s shoes are worn enough. I’ve stopped giving advice that is not solicited. I’ve stopped thinking that I have the right answer. I’ve learned that there is no need to prove a point, unless someone asks for my opinion. I’ve learned to love and shut up, to enjoy my way while accepting other people’s right to live their way without harming others, even when I don’t share their opinion of how they handle situations. There is a modern say, “You do you.” In a way, I understand it. It is not to say that I don’t care about what goes on, consequences, moral issues, the illnesses of a society … all of that is real, and needs to be addressed, first, in our life and circle, then by supporting the agencies that fight against the injustices and crimes committed in society, however, that is another subject, and very different from the topic of this article.

Crossing the bridge gave me a sense of peace and understanding of having been once at the other side. With peace comes understanding, with understanding, acceptance, with acceptance comes the realization that what I thought was good for me is not necessarily good for another in their own journey. Although many suggestions and opinions come from a place of love and genuine concern; however, it is not a “one fits all” reality. I might be hot-tempered at times, maybe somewhat opinionated, still dreaming of a better world, but no longer do I give or take unsolicited advice. The bridge has been crossed.

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye but do not notice the log that is in your own eye.”

Matthew 7:3 ESV

The Life that We Dream

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“I’m standing here in summer sun, where rabbits hide, and small quail run… I listen to the prairie’s song in every breeze that comes along.” – Betty Lou Hebert, “Prairie Gentian.”

In our youth, we imagine life turning out a certain way; we are full of dreams and less experienced. We set out to conquer the world. As we mature, experiences, good and bad, have placed some weight on us, influenced our desires and dreams, and our footsteps hold firmly to the ground. Steps become steadier and more careful, less rushed, and bit more planned. Some of us find ourselves living the life we dreamed, while some of us might not, and others might be half-way there. For many of us, the life that we dreamed once might not be the life that we want to live now. Whatever the case might be, dreams remain. The adage, “When you stop dreaming you stop living,” might have a bit of truth.

From small dreams to larger dreams, it all seems to propel us forward in life, whether we want a fancy life or a simpler life. There are setbacks, new dreams, and things don’t always turn out the way we dreamed or planned for, but this doesn’t diminish the preciousness of life, and each day presents a new opportunity to dream again; each day, an opportunity to do a bit better than we did yesterday. After all, and on the way to a dream, we become our own judges, that is, in relation to our dreams in life.

What does a 90-year-old person dreams of? Maybe what we all seem to take for granted – to enjoy another day. What does a person with a terminal illness dreams of? Maybe for one more day amongst friends and loved ones. A person contemplating suicide? Perhaps for a better day, each day. In the end, no matter what one’s dreams were about or how these turned out, we seem to ask for one more day. In perspective, that is all we have, one day at a time.

Photo by M.A.D.

Assessing Your Strength and Building a Stronghold

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Photo by M.A.D.

I wrote this blogpost as a second part to the previous post.

After a devastating life event, how do you come back to living?

A devastating event will be different for every person, as well as its lasting effects, physically, emotionally and psychologically, as well as materially. When your life has been uprooted and turned upside down and around, how do you recover? During a life storm, everything is taken out of place, including your center, your sense of self and well-being, especially, your sense of self in relation to your Creator.

The recovery and healing process and timeline, assuming that you want it, will be different for everyone, but there are key steps that you can take to start and continue on your way up.

  • First, acknowledge the situation, what has happened, how it happened, but don’t linger on the why looking for blame. Just acknowledge it for what it is at the moment. Know that stagnation or the present condition are not forever unless you decide so.
  • Decide that you want your life back. You want to own your life again, and not be a victim of the circumstances.
  • Acknowledge that you need help, and that help doesn’t equal weakness or handouts. Help can come in many forms: as faith in a higher power, help from above, from a friend or family, from community resources or private resources …
  • Assess your strength. What is good right now? What do you have that is an asset to your healing and recovery? Whether it is in character, spirituality, people, or material resources, make a list of each blessing and look at it. You are not alone. You will feel better.
  • Start visualizing your stronghold, your safe place; it is unique to you. See it in your mind, but also in your heart, no matter how impossible or far away it may seem right now.
  • Start building your stronghold one brick at a time.
    • Brick 1 – Faith, in God and yourself. You need to strengthen it because this block will be the foundation to build over it.
    • Brick 2 – Velocity. Take it one step at a time. Learn to manage the little things first. When you are hurt and vulnerable, anything seems like a huge crisis, unsurmountable, and sometimes it is; however, when in pain, smaller issues are magnified.
    • Brick 3 – Strive for balance. When the weight is out of place, it is easy to feel off balance. Know that a sense of balance will come back as you start managing smaller issues and details one by one. It will strengthen you to keep on going and feel equilibrium. During this time, talk to God; He listens.
    • Brick 4 – Live with intention. By now, you feel a new sense of purpose and desire, even if that is only to come back to the living. Make your days count for you and your loved ones. Live intentionally each day. After all, each brand-new day is a gift the second you open your eyes. Do the best you can with what you have.
    • Brick 5 – Use any resources available to you wisely and carefully. Plan the application of these resources in your life. Don’t waste or overuse these. Develop a sense of responsibility in their inception.
    • Brick 6 – Become selective. Choose carefully the things and people you will give your full attention. This might seem common sense, however, how many times have we placed our attention on things and issues that will not benefit us, whether it relates to time management, frivolous pursuits, unfruitful projects, toxic people, toxic behavior or habits, unhealthy thoughts … Actively choose what enters your space, your sanctuary, your new stronghold. But also, what you will go after from now on, your pursuits.
    • Brick 7 – Build your financial security. This starts with an honest appreciation of your everyday blessings, whether material or immaterial. Be grateful for what you have now and learn to manage it well. Not until that will you be able to define financial health (or any other type of security) for you. However, during that time, you should be working on a few simple skills.
      • Keeping your expenses as low as you can so you can do as much as you can with what you have.
      • Managing your money/resources better. Budgeting.
      • Being intentional with every purchase and on/or below budget.
      • Eliminating your debt one step at a time. It will take time. Stay away from new debt.
      • Building savings slowly. Set an amount, even if low, to start. Savings never stop.
      • Defining your standard of living according to the needs of the stronghold you set out to build. That is why your definition of financial health is important. It will help you discard anything that does not fit in your safe stronghold, whether expensive habits, behavior, or unnecessary purchases. You cannot build a new stronghold while living in an old one that crumbled.
    • Brick 8 – Don’t focus on other people’s strongholds, mind your own. Their blessing is their blessing, yours is yours. It is easy to become distracted by other people’s wants and achievements. It is good to celebrate those and admire, even having someone successful as a mentor. However, when you take your eyes off your stronghold for too long, you will end up neglecting it and even devaluating it. Focus on continuing to build your safe place. Admire others, dream, but don’t neglect your own. This ties back to gratitude.
    • Brick 9 – Realize that stuff and money do not make you rich or more valuable, and it certainly does not make you secure. You do and are with the help of God. When you realize where your true sense of security comes from, that is when you will have built your stronghold. You might have started building it from the outside, in the material, little by little, one small step at a time, one small achievement at a time, however, you will continue to build and improve it on the inside, inside of you, and that is a lifetime’s endeavor.

You are your stronghold and in it reside God’s strength, love, and blessings, because you placed Brick 1 as the foundation.

Disclaimer: I know because I’ve been there.

Falling Up While Looking Down

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Photo by MAD

The title of this blogpost may seem a contradiction, however, it is not. This blogpost is about when one experiences a life changing event, a sort of “life crash” that changes not only your life, but everything around it. A life crash might be different for every person. It is that event that touches your core, your inner being, and it can make you or destroy you. It usually comes in the form of a loss, whether of health, possessions, relationships, finances … It turns your world upside down.

In the midst of mourning your loss, and while you are still falling, it is then when you will make the most important decision. On that defining moment, when you feel that you have reached rock bottom, you will decide whether you will continue to fall up while looking down or you will stay down and never look up. If you decide to mourn your loss on your way up, you will still feel the fall and hurt, but you will be on your way to regain your balance, and later on your strong footing. With every small and unrushed decision that you make, your stance will become stronger, even when you are still hurting from that fall.

During that time of healing and recovery, faith will surely provide a foothold and a stronghold; however, still looking down on your way up is not easy but requires trust in other than yourself because you are broken down and vulnerable. Faith in a higher power and force will be the bridge that will make a big difference in recovery. Recovery of what, when your world is broken and upside down? Recovery of your self-esteem, your “feeling again,” your courage, your values, your determination, your self-knowledge, your humanity, and ultimately, your heart and soul.

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

Martin Luther King

“I shall walk in a wide space, for I have sought your precepts.”

Psalm 119:45