She stared at me, her semblance a bit familiar. She seemed a bit tired, a gaze serious enough for me to notice her. Her features spoke to me of olden days, her faint smile, of recognition. A kin allure of something once shared. I studied her face. She glanced back, truth or dare. Not until I journeyed deep into her eyes, did I truly see the woman in the mirror.
Rainy days make good thoughts. Sometimes, I go back in time and observe the younger version of me, through my memories. I can truly detach and see her with kinder eyes, every step, dreams, goals … through good times, not so good times, and even scary times. In times of wisdom, confusion, loss, fear, naiveté, and even doubt, of happiness and growth … In moments of pure bliss and in times of desperation but always striving for more. Then I think, if I could only go back and tell her; hence, the title of this blogpost. Although there is much more that I would tell her, here are ten things (me-truths) I would definitely tell her (in no particular chronological order).
You are never too little or too much; God made you with value for Him.
Life is not a race against time; it is a celebration of time, slow down a bit.
What you truly think of yourself is more important than what other people think of you; really, it is.
It is perfectly ok not to achieve the ideal of perfection because it is a lie.
Most so-called experts make it up as they go.
One day, you too will be old, in the blink of an eye.
Evil-intentioned people do exist in real life.
Religion is man-made, but Jesus is not.
Never hand off your agency to another; never!
God will never abandon you, no matter what.
What would you tell a younger version of you?
One day at a time, one step at a time.
Life would be much more pleasant if we would live in that way. This is a lesson I learned later in life. In my younger years, multitasking and the idea of a “superwoman” who thrived on a crammed schedule and did everything to perfection was idealized. Many of us, gender aside, followed that way of living in our everyday interaction. I remember feeling “guilty” if I had “free time” to myself and even worrying that I were to become lazy if I indulged on even an hour of “unproductive” being. The years passed by, and I had become entrapped in one of the biggest lies Society sold me. When I think about it, that way of life was very materialistic in essence, even when I never saw myself as a materialistic person, on the contrary.
Today, I repeated this question, what is truly important to me? Throughout the years, the answer has been narrowed to include the issues at the core of my true values and loves. Today, I finally understand the meaning of living one day at a time, one step at a time, and from that realization, a sense of peace within that recognizes that life is not a race, and I don’t need trophies or crowns to validate my existence; God has already done so when He made me. It is beautiful to achieve dreams and to celebrate our achievements and of others as well, but not at the expense of living. The mere existence of achieving without the joy and beauty of living is contraindicating. Maybe Hans Christian Anderson understood this well.
“Just living is not enough, said the butterfly, one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” Hans Christian Anderson
Love and Light
Oval Circus, a poem.
The false king,
in the oval circus vested
the wisdom from his jester
of his buffoon, discernment.
*
Countless clowns,
upside down crosses
the false king
amok runs his horses.
*
Puppets and pawns ignore disbelief
the circus on fire
the tarp breaks apart
the herald, breathes fire.
*
Paupers and peasants
observe with regret
the noise becomes louder
a voice screams, you’re jested!
Today, I found myself wishing that Spring was here already. Autumn and Winter used to be my favorite seasons when I lived in New Jersey. For a reason that truly eludes me, Spring and Summer have become my favorite seasons here in Virginia. Sometimes, we find ourselves thinking or wishing for the next “season” in life instead of living and being present in the season we are in. I truly believe that each season in life has something to teach us, whether that season is challenging or one of many blessings.
Many times, we rush through life unaware of our present season instead of living our best time in it. We are always thinking of a future season that may or may not materialize because none of us is guaranteed another day or even another second. We go through life making plans, worrying about the future, and ignoring all the good that the season we are in brings with it. We say things like, “time is money,” or “time is of the essence;” however, in trying to capture time, at the same time, we are letting it go. Call it the pursuit of happiness or the pursuit of wealth, or any other thing that we might spend our entire life going after, when we look back, it is all that – a pursuit through time, always wishing for another season.
“To every thing, there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1 KJV
I had never heard of writing dice. One of my lovely nieces gifted me with this interesting writing prop. It looks fun and certainly has the potential to spark creativity. It is a series of color-coded dice with words/categories written on the dice. The way it works is by throwing the dice and creating a story with the words/categories obtained. Each color means something, for example, yellow represents time/place, white is point of view, and so on. Here’s what it looks like.
If I was to apply the example of dice in the picture to my first novel, Moonlit Valley*, it would be like this: written from the protagonist point of view (Rose Carrigan)(white dice), who is very witty (green dice), and taking place in a small rural town (Moonlit Valley)(pink dice); she is presented with an unexpected destiny, that challenges her identity (blue dice), as well as everything she thought she knew about her husband (yellow dice), in a supernatural twist of fate (orange dice). Now the funny thing is those were the dice (in the picture) that came out at my first try. Made me smile for sure. What a fun writing prop.
*You can find Moonlit Valley on Amazon, in eBook and printed format.
I have to become before I become. As I wrote a few things that I want to accomplish this year, the thought crossed my mind. I may develop a detail plan, but it truly does not mean anything unless I start modeling behavior, acting as the person I want to become in order to achieve the target goal. I have to become, in my mind and in my doing, the person I want to eventually become. To illustrate, I will use a simple example, a common goal that most people set – to save x amount of money by a certain day. In order to do that, I have to act as a saver. I have to become/model the behavior of a saver, a person who saves money. I have to act/be what I want to become in order to achieve what I want to achieve. That is just a simple example, but depending on how many layers a goal might have, that will determine how many identities I might have to assume in order to make it real.
As a writer, writing characters, identities, personality traits … become second nature. Eventually, by repeating a specific behavior that is required to achieve a specific result/outcome will become second nature as well. Just as a character grows and develops throughout the pages of a story, so do we, when we model what we want to become. With each layer, each modeled behavior, we grow from one initial step to the next, and so on, just as a character grows/evolves from chapter to chapter or a series.
Depending on the complexity of a goal, that is how many identities one might have to assume. Going back to the example of saving money, I will evolve it to a few more layers, let’s say, saving x amount (first layer) to pay debt (second layer) in order to build wealth (third layer) for a safer future (fourth layer). There are a few layers on this financial goal.
Goal layers – Identity/behavior
Saving money = Saver
Debt free = Frugal person/conscientious of spending
Build wealth = Spend less than you earn/Financially literate
Safer future = Wealth manager/manage money wisely
In each level of progress, a new identity emerges that the previous identity will support; it all interrelates and works together, but without “acting out the part,” without becoming or modeling the appropriate behavior, nothing will happen. Many times, we become overwhelmed by looking at the outcome first, but in reality, it is much manageable and real when we just look at the first step/ the first behavior, and let it evolve from there.
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
“And have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him.” Colossians 3:10 (NKJV)
A new year represents a fresh start for many of us. We evaluate the previous year, check a few boxes, and set new goals. Sometimes, we are disappointed because we did not accomplish as much as we wanted to in the previous year; other times, we are satisfied with our performance. For others, it represents a challenge because they can already identify the areas of struggle ahead.
Whether dread or inspiration, when we look at the new year, one thing that we can always count on is hope. Hope for a better year. Each day represents a blank canvas. We might have to deal with a few smudges here and there, but as long as we keep hope we can paint a new picture or add some color to the one we are painting.
When we feel hopeless it is as if we are covered in darkness. One cannot see the light; one cannot see the colors. Setting goals and planning is good; however, there are times when despite careful planning and hard work, things don’t go our way, or at first glance they don’t seem to go as expected. Add to that a few years of hard work, determination and no results, and it can break your spirit, and burn you out. If you have experienced it, you know well what I mean.
At one point or another, we all will experience setbacks, disappointments, heartache, hopelessness, and brokenness, to various degrees. It is how we view/react during those times that will determine our comeback and the length of time we stay in the shadows.
“I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
It is good to set goals and to plan. To get somewhere there must be a destination and a map.
“Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” Proverbs 16:3
My best wishes for the year ahead.
For me, moving from Jersey to rural Virginia was a significant change; everything was different. Close to nine years have gone by, and I have learned to appreciate the natural beauty surrounding me. I miss many things about Jersey, and I think these will always be in my heart; however, home is what you make of it, and how you receive the blessing of another day. This Summer has been particularly very hot, with the exception of last week, which offered autumnal temperatures. I have never been a fan of weather that is too hot or humid, or of the sun; I prefer cooler temperatures, and I don’t like to spend too much time in the sun. I have never been a sun-bathing person; even as a kid growing up in Puerto Rico, I avoided the sun. My husband loves the sun and prefers Summer to any other season. With only a few more weeks of Summer, I find myself thinking of all the lovely things that I will not see around once this season gives way to another. Such things as Mama Deer with her babies, Mama Crows raising families together, and crows playing in the rain, all kinds of unexpected critters, giant mushrooms popping up everywhere, tending the garden and enjoying its offerings, unique butterflies, the first leaf that turns red, and so much more.
It all speaks of Home Sweet Home. Home is in the details.
For the purpose of this post, I will use an allegory. Ever heard the saying, “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade?” It is certainly a positive outlook, but many people see the lemonade making as one time event. What if you are tiered of life’s lemons? What if you are just tired of making lemonade? What if you just don’t care about making any more lemonade because you are just not up to it anymore? Life is unpredictable, and some of us don’t get one or two lemons, we get an entire orchard. Life is not fair, and maybe, by now you are just tired of making lemonade and drinking it too. You have reached the point of letting these lemons rot, and you don’t even care if they stink.
Many of us have been there at one point or another, and if not, count yourself blessed and be grateful for it. Society expects people to grab the juicer and start making lemonade right away, many times in the midst of a lemon rainfall. If we don’t, we are “lacking courage” or are labeled of “too little faith,” or many other things. Many times, we are expected to bounce back at the blink of an eye, and we are bombarded with positive thinking messages and expectations, as if we are being rushed to get well and function again; it is expected. It is what people do, to bounce back from a “sour episode” as soon as possible, to keep going on, to keep on living. And that is what we want to do. Deep inside we wish that tomorrow was different as quickly as possible. It is harder when other people depend on us.
Every person is different, and we all react in similar or not too similar ways to life’s situations. The way I see it is that we know our own internal temperature; we know our life’s speed, and we know how hurt and affected we have been by an avalanche of lemons. Or maybe, one large lemon is all it takes to weaken our strength and make us doubt our own courage. Besides God, we are the only ones to know how we truly feel, how hard we did fall, and how much time until we can even stand up, much more give that first step again. We should not feel pressured by the growing line in front of our lemonade stand. If any pressure, it should be our own desire or eagerness to join the land of the happy living again.
Whether or not we are ready to make lemonade, in our terms that is, we should consider a few things. We don’t have to make lemonade right away, and we don’t have to make it alone. There are people standing in line at the lemonade stand that are willing to go behind the counter and help us make lemonade; some might even cheer us up while we try. We just have to let them know how thin and fragile our glass is at the time, so they don’t stir too fast in their eagerness to help. But most important, we have the help and love of the Creator of it all (of the lemons, the lemonade stand, the lemon-makers, the helpers …) and He is certainly waiting patiently and lovingly for us to make the sweetest lemonade of all.
Inkspeare 