Life

The Mystifying Nature of Time

/ inkspeare

The other day, I had a conversation with my sister that made me think about time, mortality, and my perception of these. She watched a video in which a former supermodel now in her sixties, said that if she were to live until her eighties, she will have about 20 more summers to enjoy. Being about her age, the realization that 20 summers is not too many hit me. Imagine writing these numbers down and crossing each one as time goes by and realizing that 20 is such a finite number and thus, the fragility and brevity of one’s existence. Overwhelming on paper for sure.

Time is aloof. It is long, it is short, it is real, but also measured by our kind, by our humanity. It is freely given; it is used and misused. It is ignored when we think we have much of it but wanted when it seems scarce or limited. It is a blessing but a curse for many. Perception defines it, for every person differently; we give it meaning. It is constant but forgettable. It is natural but also, supernatural and mystifying.

Summers come and go. I never thought about them as a finite number. When I think of what I did last summer, much of it eludes me. Did I enjoy it? Did it just go by as any other season? For some reason, when you start numbering your summers, your life seems to have gone faster, time seems to speed up, and the realization of how fragile one’s existence is, and how special it is as well, certainly puts many things into perspective. Memories are markings of the passing of time. I guess that my point to all of this rambling is that time is a gift, a blessing we are given, and our days are not guaranteed. No one knows for sure what this day will bring, or if it will be the last, so in that sense, would a number even matter?

For us time is linear, but also, it is more than that. Just think of everything that happens at once in your life, with all your interactions, and the people in your circle and beyond, all around you, all interconnected in some supernatural and natural way. Live well the blessing of a new day and be grateful for the time that has been given to you; it is all a gift from above. I am certainly looking forward to this summer.

Photo by M.A.D.

After 10 Years of Living in Black Crow Cottage

/ inkspeare

Ten years ago, we moved to rural Virginia and fixed up a dilapidated farmhouse. I ended up naming it Black Crow Cottage, for the many crows who live and play here, one of my favorite birds. I love crows, and I love their song, so when I saw that we had so many around, it was natural to name the farmhouse just that. Over the years, we have done a lot of work on the place. We made it livable; we gave it its soul back. This old farmhouse (circa 1910) has given much to us as well. For those stopping by and visiting this blog for the first time, here’s a picture of the way it looked when we bought it. For more on the whole process you can visit my older posts under Fixing an Old Farmhouse or Restoring an Old Farmhouse.

The old farmhouse as it was, dilapidated, covered in weeds, almost destroyed.

After all this time, we got to know the old farmhouse better. We were respectful of its past but also lived in it knowing that it could be our home in our golden years. Knowing this, we experienced the house and all it had to offer but realized that there are many things that we need to change for making it a permanent residence. This is what this post is all about, the changes that we know we have to make, now that we have lived in it for a decade. Also, we have decided to give it a refresh and paint the entire place, while we rethink the layout. In addition, we love the tight small community in which we live. After the monstrosity data center ordeal that we all lived through, it has been more apparent how special this community is.

Our initial layout served us at the beginning but now we realized that we need a bedroom downstairs. The stairs to the second floor are very narrow and steep (I cannot fit my entire foot on the step). After hurting my knee during the summer, I realized how important it was for us to have a bedroom downstairs. The original layout had a bedroom downstairs, where we set up the living room in order to make the old living room a dining room. The kitchen was an eat-in kitchen. For long term living, the old set up was much more suitable, so we are reverting to the old set up. Recently, we repainted both rooms and switched the living room to where the dining room was, eliminated the dining room, and now, we are in the process of converting the old living room into a bedroom. We are reverting to the way things used to be and functioned in this old farmhouse.

Below, is a progression of the stairwell during all this time, from the beginning until now. We changed the color and added a much-needed longer railing.

The living room is now where the dining room was. Our family is spread out so we really did not need a large dining room. This is a progression of the old living room, which will become a bedroom, and the new set up for the living room as it is now, located where the dining room was.

The kitchen is in the middle of a refresh right now, we need to paint, and half of it is done. Due to the recent cold temperatures, we stopped painting. The temperatures here have been in the 30s during the day, and in the teens or single digits during the night, sometimes, even a below zero negative wind chill. It has been unusually cold. Here is a progression of the kitchen from its awful early stages when we bought the farmhouse, until now. We still have some work to do, which will continue during this year.

The back room will remain the mudroom/cat room, and it will be repainted. The upstairs will remain a bedroom, and an office, but will be repainted. However, this area has experienced an increase in energy bills, as well as many other counties have, and we are planning to do some energy efficient changes in the future, which will include encapsulating the crawlspace, new roof and insulated siding, as well as closing the second floor by adding a door/wall at the end of the stairway, which can be closed during winter to keep the heat mainly downstairs. This type of farmhouse construction used to bypass insulation and in order to insulate it, a frame has to be built around the entire house (costly) to allow for insulation. It cannot be insulated in the usual way because there is no space between the outside wall and interior wall, thus preventing the airflow and creating mold problems in the future. Since the majority of the heat escapes through the roof and crawlspace, addressing those areas should take care of the issue, as well as using a new pre insulated siding. Those are costly projects that will be planned in the future. For now, adding a wall/door to the upstairs should improve energy consumption considerably, followed by crawlspace encapsulation. We also use a pellet stove for heating, which is very energy efficient.

These are mainly the issues that we will be dealing with to make this farmhouse a place where we can live for many years to come with God’s blessing. I will be sharing the progression in future blog posts. I hope this helps those of you who are going through a renovation of an older home, of how important it is to consider issues that will be relevant in the future, especially if planning to live in it for many years or if it may be a forever home.

A Poor Mentality

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A poor mentality has little to do with money. It relates to vision, how we see the world and relate to it, and that world encompasses our past, present, and future. Our past shapes much of our personality traits but does not determine who we are. Its influence marks us but does not make us. Depending on our past experiences, we view the world as a battlefield or a field of flowers. Simply put, some people had it better than other people; however, that does not determine who we become ultimately. It does influence how we view our present and future, and the struggles we seem to endure, many real, other self-created. If we have developed a poor mentality, our vision will be cloudy and we will be in constant struggle, no matter our true reality.

Not long ago, I had a conversation with someone who struggles with a poor mentality despite blessings. This person was telling me how difficult things are financially, and overall, complaining about life in general. I listened, trying to understand this person’s point of view about the situation. I understood that this person had life challenges but also was very blessed at the same time. Knowing part of this person’s net worth I decided to bring some focus to the overall reality, hoping to ease some of the anxiety. I said, ” I don’t know how much money is in your bank account, but I can tell you about the assets you have that I am aware of, and for what I can tell, your real estate net worth is close to two million dollars according to real estate market value right now, possibly more. “ (I had a RE license when I was younger). This person remained a bit quiet, then said, “Do you think so?” I answered, “I know so, and that is only your properties’ market value, which are already paid in full, and you own straight.” That was the end of that, because this person totally dismissed the information I had just shared and continued to complain about how unfair life was. I was puzzled, but I offered my ears. I also knew that this person made double what my husband and I made monthly. This conversation was an eye opener for me. I understood that a poor mentality will keep your mind captive, jailed, and close the doors to much more than opportunity but also to joy, gratefulness, and in a way, to reality.

I share this real example because it truly shows how dangerous a poor mentality can be, and how blinding as well. It causes us to believe that our hands are tied when the solution is in front of us. It makes us victims when we are blessed. It robs our happiness when we have plenty to be grateful and happy about. It darkens our days. It shuts our mind. It dampens our spirit. It makes us believe what is not real and robs us of hope and much more.

Survival Mode

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The topic of survival is one that I have included in my novels. It is interesting to see how survival can bring out the best or worst in people. It separates heroes from the not so good characters. So is in real life, although I believe that there is redemption for everyone. When a person is in survival mode, it forces the individual to act one way or the other; it brings about the truth of that person. In other words, you cannot fake it when you are in survival mode. It forces you to be what you already are. It shows a person’s true colors.

I will venture to say that in today’s USA, many people are in survival mode, probably more people than we realize. Younger generations are having a tough time keeping up with a very high and unrealistic cost of living and many people are working two plus jobs and hardly making it. Young couples simply cannot afford giving birth because hospital care is simply unaffordable. Food prices, daycare costs, and rent or home prices are truly out of reach for most of the younger generation. It is simple very different from what it was for other generations. In simple words, this generation is being hit from all angles. Most politicians fail to see the struggle, or they are simply not in touch with reality out there. People are struggling to keep a roof over their head and put food on the table, even the most frugal people. Most of Americans are in survival mode. Many people are truly doing all they can, working all they can, and cutting costs as much as they can, and they are still not making it. The disparage and disproportion between wages, education, and labor is ridiculous. The middle class is slowly disappearing in this country. It is easy to put a blindfold and label a generation of being lazy without considering all factors and influences at play.

I have always been an observer by nature. How many times have I witnessed someone at the supermarket leave just a few groceries because the card did not take? How many times have I heard a mother tell her child, “Sorry honey, we don’t have enough for “this” today;” “this” being a food item, not a toy? How many times have I witnessed someone staring blank at the insane prices in the meat isle at the supermarket, a hopeless stare followed by bypassing the product section, or even putting groceries back? I can tell you more examples, from couples quietly arguing about food, to older people with less than five items in the food cart, oh, so much more. Food is a basic need, and people can’t even eat in what we call the richest country in the world. Many people are in denial, but that is just a coping mechanism when you are or are about to be in survival mode.

If you have ever been in survival mode and have come through, you know well that there is a lesson to be learned from all of it, and most likely, you recognize that lesson. Most likely, you come out with a sense of gratefulness, stronger, and wiser. Most likely, you have learned about yourself, your true self, and the things that are not to be taken for granted anymore. Most likely, there is a sense of renewal and hope, of clarity and inner peace, and a healthy dose of pride after surviving the event. Having experienced survival mode at one time in my life, I can say that faith is an important component to make it through, that is, faith in yourself, and faith in a higher power. Don’t forget to count your blessings because they are many, in any circumstance.

This Old Farmhouse

/ inkspeare

One thing that we have learned by living here is that we are never completely done as far as projects and unexpected things. This year, we have put some projects aside and have decided to “listen to the house” and see what it wants, and evaluate if after years of living in it, our vision is still aligned with it or if we should adjust or deviate from some projects. One of the things we realized is that because we have agreed to age in this house until a certain point, a bedroom on the first floor would be necessary, eventually, thus posing the dilemma of assigning different uses to rooms. It is also time to refresh the paint, and rethink previous choices.

Turning 60 did something to me, an overnight change that I was not expecting. My husband thinks that one of the “pods” exploded overnight and replaced me. I am not sure why, but suddenly life takes another meaning. It presents new possibilities but also grounds you as far as “real time.” What was so important might not be as important anymore, and priorities shift. Time is seen and valued in a different perspective, but also, not taken for granted. Other things don’t seem to matter or bother me anymore. What was, becomes questionable and what is, seems to take another meaning; somehow, what will be does not occupy center place anymore. Complacency or peaceful arrival? It doesn’t even matter. Likes and dislikes changed overnight or at least feels like they did. A new person emerges out of a years’ slumber. Everything is questionable and all is well. Battles are chosen or not at all. That is the best way I can describe it. This of course, affects how I see and interact with my new discovered environment.

We have halted some projects, reviewed others, and scrapped a few. This year, we have not proceeded with any new projects, only clean up, some minor painting, and future considerations. We did not plant anything. This old farmhouse is on standby for now. We have tons of grapes in the grapevine ready to be harvested soon, and picked tons of blueberries, but only a few strawberries this year.

Summer Yummy

We transplanted one of the little cedars that I was growing in a pot. The other two went to my sister’s home. So far, it is doing fine in its new spot in the ground.

The king of the trees

Spring was lovely around here. It has rained a lot during Spring and Summer. Today, we have cooler temperatures, but overall, it was not a hot summer, with the exception of a couple of weeks. The garden did very well.

The weather was on and off; we even had a small rainbow in the backyard while it was pouring rain, and the sun was out, all at the same time.

Lucky charm. One of the most beautiful sights of a very close and low rainbow. I regret not stepping outside and try to “touch it,” but it was raining hard while the sun was fully out.

For now, we are concentrating our efforts on doing some painting indoors and working out the idea of converting the living room into a bedroom and rethinking the downstairs arrangement. No new outdoor projects are taking place for the remainder of this year. Overall, it has been a very pleasant Spring and Summer, and I have enjoyed this year’s mild weather. I am looking forward to the next two seasons.

It is About Focus and Faith

/ inkspeare

While researching, I came across the following quote, which inspired this blogpost.

“Dictatorships are one-way streets. Democracy boasts two-way traffic.” Alberto Moravia

While reading the above quote, these poetic lines came to mind.

A People’s Will

Soaring above, keen eye, unsteady flight

Eagle must rest on steady land.

Time to choose,

One way street or two-way traffic.

Alberto Moravia was an Italian writer, whom I am not familiar with or have read any of his works; however, this quote stuck with me. It inspired the following.

Many times, people become discouraged by the current political environment. It might affect people in many different ways, whether mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. There are many things we cannot control directly; however, we can always control how we react to certain issues, events, and our environment. When we focus on what we can control in our daily lives, our focus change, and so does our response and attitude. What I write here, I have applied myself.

Here are examples of controllables. These controllables apply to many of the issues that we might be experiencing under less than pleasant conditions.

I can control,

A healthy diet and exercise

All my decisions

How I decide to start my day and end it

My thoughts

My spending

My relationship with God

My reaction to the people I interact with, or whom I choose to include in my circle

How I choose to view each challenge/problem

How I manage all my resources

How I choose to live my life

My degree of gratitude each day

What I give my time and effort to

The battles I choose to fight or not

How I view my space, my home, my possessions, with gratitude or not

How I value my life

The priorities and values I set daily

How I manage my time and money

My dreams

My expectations of myself, others, and life

The guilt I put on myself and others

What I let into my mind and space

The physical things I surround myself with

How I treat myself (level of respect, love and understanding) as well as others.

These are only a few controllables, but in my opinion and experience, the most important ones, and the ones that will help center our focus when times are not what we expect or desire.

Reflections: One Day at a Time, One Step at a Time

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Photo by M.A.D

One day at a time, one step at a time.

Life would be much more pleasant if we would live in that way. This is a lesson I learned later in life. In my younger years, multitasking and the idea of a “superwoman” who thrived on a crammed schedule and did everything to perfection was idealized. Many of us, gender aside, followed that way of living in our everyday interaction. I remember feeling “guilty” if I had “free time” to myself and even worrying that I were to become lazy if I indulged on even an hour of “unproductive” being. The years passed by, and I had become entrapped in one of the biggest lies Society sold me. When I think about it, that way of life was very materialistic in essence, even when I never saw myself as a materialistic person, on the contrary.

Today, I repeated this question, what is truly important to me? Throughout the years, the answer has been narrowed to include the issues at the core of my true values and loves. Today, I finally understand the meaning of living one day at a time, one step at a time, and from that realization, a sense of peace within that recognizes that life is not a race, and I don’t need trophies or crowns to validate my existence; God has already done so when He made me. It is beautiful to achieve dreams and to celebrate our achievements and of others as well, but not at the expense of living. The mere existence of achieving without the joy and beauty of living is contraindicating. Maybe Hans Christian Anderson understood this well.

“Just living is not enough, said the butterfly, one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” Hans Christian Anderson

Love and Light

The Passing of Time

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Photo by M.A.D.

It is a rainy day. As I sit in my favorite chair, I glance at the cedar trees that line up the driveway. They dance gently in the wind. The trees have grown so tall since the first time I saw them, back then, when we looked at the property. They were at most, three feet tall, growing wild and free. We considered getting rid of them to open up more land, but my love of pine trees convinced me to keep them all, and I am glad we did, because now, I can look at these trees and smile. They are so lovely, most of them towering over 25 feet, a testament to the passing of time.

I used to think that time is just human invention, human perception to guide humanity throughout the days while living in a material world. In a way, it is true; however, time is more than that. Nature speaks of it “all the time” throughout the seasons, the harvest, the growth of anything and everything on earth. Throughout the journey that each one of us sets on. Time is the silent keeper of our days. One has only to look outside, especially now that winter has given way to spring, and see how the landscape changes daily. Have you ever been amazed at how fast the trees grow their leaves? As if overnight.

The miracle of life throughout the eyes of time. Time becomes more precious when we don’t have enough of it. Youth doesn’t mind the passing of time in the same way, unless life depends on it. In late golden years, time becomes precious, almost borrowed, a divine gift of sorts. It takes on a different meaning; it becomes the friend and foe of life, a duality that only a soul who has lived well comprehends, while finding peace in that knowledge. The eternity of time suddenly seems to dissolve; it has a beginning and end.

A New Outlook Must Follow Leaving Behind

/ inkspeare
Photo by M.A.D.

As a new year starts, a time for reflection continues, and new beginnings, new goals emerge. New plans are taken into consideration, and a new array of possibilities. For many of us the start of a new year represents a new slate, an exciting journey. We plan, we dream, we ponder, reconsider, and evaluate. We measure ourselves throughout the year left behind. Sometimes, we chastise our self, and other times, we are very pleased with our performance. It is also a time to reflect and leave behind that which does not fit us anymore – the old self that we have been carrying around for years for whatever reason, sometimes, even unaware of its presence. The shadow that once was but remains in our subconscious.

The old self manifests in old habits that don’t serve us anymore, dislikes that we force ourselves to like because we once did, old hobbies that we do not seem to enjoy anymore but think we do, objects that are meaningless to us but we keep, and even beliefs and frame of thought that does not serve us and that we have outgrown by time and experience but seem to have lingered in our lives and mind. Whatever it may be, material or unmaterial, it is better to leave it behind, and make room for new experiences. Sometimes Old Self is heavy and tiresome, even adding mental and emotional weight and clutter that we certainly do not need if we want to live a good life.

As I have pondered and evaluated over the past few weeks, I have found many things that are just not fit for me anymore, material and not, even just present in my life by habit through the years, but not serving the person I am today.

Your life, your space, your mind, should reflect the person you are, not the one you were or even the one you aspired to be once but are not. Life is ever changing, evolving, and sometimes, it turns out better than what we planned for that Old Self. Other times, we might feel that we have not measured up to our expectations, and regret might set in. When that happens, I am reminded and uplifted by this beautiful scripture. It is not critical, judgmental, or demanding. It is simple, sweet, and full of hope and possibilities.

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

Mathew 5:16

Life’s Staircase

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By the end of the year, I find myself looking back, reminiscing of the year, and years back. It is an exercise I welcome; it opens one’s mind and perspective. Whether good moments or less than good moments, it all makes up the big picture, an entire year that turns into memories. It makes me think of life as a staircase. You either go up or down, or sometimes you get tired and rest in the middle. Sometimes, you take one step and back up many, and sometimes, it feels as if you never took one single step, even when you have taken many.

Some people have more steps to take or climb than other people, or it seems. Once you take the first step, you want to go up, even when you don’t know what awaits. During the climb, one defines the staircase, its shape and style, its design, or maybe it has been already defined in part, and our job is to climb it, putting our own print and style on it with the decisions and indecisions we make. It may be winding or straight up, see through or solid, wide steps or narrow. It reminds me of a line from the old TV show The Honeymooners. Norton said, “Be nice to the people you meet on your way up, because they are the same people you will meet on your way down.” Falls hurt, ones more than others. Stumbles are scary, especially the further up you are.

One thing brings comfort. If you don’t like where it is going, it is ok to turn back down. Eventually, you will reach the last step, and inevitably, you will think of the first, and all in between.

“I shall walk in a wide place, for I have sought your precepts.”

Psalm 119:45