Finding My Way Back, an Update (and books and roses)

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Finding my way back to my book in progress, The Girl Who Could Not Love, hasn’t been easy. I stopped. I tried. I stopped once more. I had to put it aside for some time despite wanting to continue writing it. Something was not right. It lay dormant, and eventually, I knew I had to come back to it. It has been on my mind all this time, morning, night, and in between; however, distant, but calling me. It is the book that begs to be written to a hesitant writer that has finally surrender to it. Whether to answer the call or not, is not important anymore; it is why. Why is this story haunting me? Why the fight between pen and heart? Why do I want to write this story? Why won’t the story quit? Why won’t I quit?

While reading Never Too Late (or was it Shine On? I read them back-to-back) by Claire Cook, I thought about something she mentioned. It is to ask yourself in the reinvention journey, but in her case while writing a book, what stands in the way of my protagonist? I asked that question about my novel, and my protagonist. The answer, me. I was standing in the way. So, I had to ask myself the question, and I got my deep-rooted answer. I am working on it.

In the meantime, I have been reading up a storm, some of which are these. I am currently reading It’s Rising Time by Kim Kiyosaki. I am enjoying this book very much. I like the writing style of Kim Kiyosaki; it is straight and to the point. So far, I think that this is a book that every woman should read. Next on the agenda is Life Glows On by Claire Cook. Her non-fiction books are straight from the heart and fueled by her experience, as a woman who reinvented herself.

Photo by M.A.D.
Photo by M.A.D.

The garden always calls this time of the year. About two years ago, I planted two tiny rose bushes. One of them, the red rose bush, has grown considerably when compared to the other, a pink rose bush. I planted these at the same time, and they have grown under similar conditions. Both were labeled miniature rose bushes. Just as people, they continue to grow at a different pace. Just like writer’s stories, they bloom and develop at different stages.

To the left, near the duck, the pink rose bush, and on the right, the red rose bush. Photo by M.A.D.
Red rose bush. Miniature? Not so much, but spectacular. Photo by M.A.D.

Miniature or not, both rose bushes have their own enchantment.

Perfect Timing

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Although we had a mild winter, for some reason, it feels a long one. We had a bit of a cool down this week, and even frost overnight. I am glad that I did not jump ahead and planted any veggies, otherwise the timing would have been wrong.

In life, perfect timing seems to be an important issue, more than money or drive. How many times people have had all the money and resources, but it was just not the “right time?” Whatever the project or venture, it did not come to fruition. Immediately, we tend to label it as failure, and even label ourselves as such. What was important for us were results. We forget quickly about the journey, all the effort, work, and focus we put into a project. As if that doesn’t count at all. We only see that we failed. Simply put, results were more important than the journey itself. By disregarding our journey, we forget the lessons learned, and sometimes, the lesson is more important than the result we were hoping for, but we fail to see it because we are too focused on the outcome. After all, we labor hard for something, right? Most people do. We trade something for something else. Time for money, money for things … In the meantime, we forget all that we learned, and how it shaped us. Because we are so conditioned to trade something for something, when we trade our hard work and effort, our mental focus, even emotional energy, and something does not materialize at the end, we blame and label ourselves as failure, and even punish ourselves deep in our hearts. We end up feeling frustrated, tired, lost, and another mental game starts. We think that there must be something wrong with us because we start comparing ourselves to others who have obtained the results we wanted and worked so hard, even sacrificed for, but never materialized. Once we jump into that rollercoaster, our self-esteem is (naturally) going to suffer; then, our trust and believe in ourselves are lost.

What is perfect timing? Many define it as being in the right place at the right time, other people as a kiss from Lady Luck. I define it as learning to be quiet enough that I can see the picture, appreciate the lesson, and wait for the direction that God has for me. I view perfect timing as God’s timing, separate from my human perception of how things should be and end. Learning that has made a difference in my life and how I define success and failure. Perfect timing is God’s speed.

Faith Moves Mountains

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Faith moves mountains. Jesus said that (Matthew 17:20). It is truth for Christians, or it should. Why is it so hard to believe what seems impossible? Maybe because of our human nature. We tend to focus on the problem more than the outcome. Faith is defined as “the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1) That seems to go against our human nature, yet we have all the capacity for hope and conviction. It is in our darkest hour that we put that truth to the test. Our mountain suddenly seems insurmountable compared to our conviction at the moment; however, hope can only grow, and grow bigger than a mountain. Our assurance doesn’t come from our own human effort, but from the One who said that a little faith moves mountains.

“Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20-21

Whatever our mountain, let’s climb it with hope and conviction, eventually, it won’t be in our field of vision; it would have moved from the horizon.

The Passing of Time

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Photo by M.A.D.

It is a rainy day. As I sit in my favorite chair, I glance at the cedar trees that line up the driveway. They dance gently in the wind. The trees have grown so tall since the first time I saw them, back then, when we looked at the property. They were at most, three feet tall, growing wild and free. We considered getting rid of them to open up more land, but my love of pine trees convinced me to keep them all, and I am glad we did, because now, I can look at these trees and smile. They are so lovely, most of them towering over 25 feet, a testament to the passing of time.

I used to think that time is just human invention, human perception to guide humanity throughout the days while living in a material world. In a way, it is true; however, time is more than that. Nature speaks of it “all the time” throughout the seasons, the harvest, the growth of anything and everything on earth. Throughout the journey that each one of us sets on. Time is the silent keeper of our days. One has only to look outside, especially now that winter has given way to spring, and see how the landscape changes daily. Have you ever been amazed at how fast the trees grow their leaves? As if overnight.

The miracle of life throughout the eyes of time. Time becomes more precious when we don’t have enough of it. Youth doesn’t mind the passing of time in the same way, unless life depends on it. In late golden years, time becomes precious, almost borrowed, a divine gift of sorts. It takes on a different meaning; it becomes the friend and foe of life, a duality that only a soul who has lived well comprehends, while finding peace in that knowledge. The eternity of time suddenly seems to dissolve; it has a beginning and end.

Has Independent Publishing on Amazon Lost Its Allure?

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Photo by M.A.D.

Has self-publishing on Amazon lost its allure? I have asked myself the question, and I honestly think that it has become a non-monitored farm where the cows run amok, and the farmer is too busy to do it all. The amount of crap (content without any creative effort just for the sake of making a quick buck) that has been published over time is nothing compared to the amount of low content books that plague the site. Low content books are defined as “books” that have minimal content/text, are repetitive or contain templates, blank pages, or a simple design/drawing. Examples are coloring books, notebooks, journals … Although there are many of these items that have been created with much care, creativity, and offer value to the customer, and that is a legitimate endeavor, there is another type of low content that does not follow the guidelines, and the creator has not made an effort to make the product legitimate. It does not have any valuable or substantial content for the customer. This type of low content takes up a lot of real estate on Amazon, and it is being published at a fast rate, thus “clogging up” Amazon. The problem is the product that does not offer anything to the user and is created without any creative care or thought-out intent. These self-publishers only focus on quantity vs quality and are there to sell as many low-content books to make fast money.

Legitimate authors are paying the price having to navigate the dirty waters that are flooding prime real estate. Although Amazon is making efforts and intensifying the review process, as well as removing non-compliant books, the flood gates have been open for a while. This will be a long and continuous effort, and hopefully, will alleviate part of the problem. I say part of the problem because there are many other issues in the future, if not now, such as AI generated “books” or content from legitimate authors that might have been manipulated and rebranded, and of course, there has always been content on public domain that can be published by anyone. As you can imagine this takes up prime real estate on Amazon.

So, has independent publishing on Amazon lost its allure for legitimate authors? Well, the answer to that might depend on the answer to other questions: Has publishing on Amazon lost prestige? Is Amazon too crap-saturated? Has Amazon hurt legitimate authors by allowing this type of content? Will the traditional publishing industry say, “I told you so?” The questions are many. Self-publishing continues to evolve, hand in hand with technology, and no one knows what the future holds, even for the big giant. I guess that for now, I’ll take it one book at a time.

Long Gone Are the Days

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Photo by MAD

The other day, I was minding my daily grind and an idea for a new novel came to mind, a good one, I thought. The idea presented itself as the beginning and ending of the story, nothing in between. I was busy, so I decided to write it down later on. Later on never came, and the whole idea went out of my mind; I simply cannot remember it. When it is gone, it is gone for good. This is something that I find happens more often as I age. Before, in my younger years, I would put the thought or idea on pause, and come back to it later. Not so anymore. That is why now it has to be written when it presents itself, otherwise it is lost forever, and forever is a long time.

As we age, our memory is a bit less reliable than it was in our younger years. We are not as quick and sharp as we used to be, and that happens to every person, to some more than others. After researching this topic for my own benefit, I decided to write this post. No matter how old we are, it is good to exercise the mind just as we exercise the body. It is common knowledge that exercising the body improves the mind function, and so does eating a healthy diet; so is leaving habits like smoking, alcohol, drugs, sugar …. Beyond that, what can a person do to improve brain function? Getting enough sleep and rest is another item in the commonsense bucket. Aside from those mentioned above, experts recommend social contact, mental activities that exercise the brain such as word puzzles, painting, drawing, manual dexterity activities, reading, jigsaw puzzles, learning something new … Eating nuts and seeds seems to be beneficial, and so is my favorite treat, dark chocolate. There are other foods that appear to boost your brain, and vitamins such as B6, B9, B12, are also beneficial. Some supplements are specific to brain health, and there is difference of opinion about that. Meditation and keeping a diary seem to help as well. All of the above things I do already, although I have to work on the “sweet tooth” a bit more.

All this information most of us know it by heart; it has been repeated over and over. I find that most times, I forget things when I am on automatic pilot and not being mindful of what I am doing. When I pay attention and focus on what is at hand, I feel more alert and conscious, even organized and with less brain fog. I guess use it or lose it is appropriate in this case. Long gone are the days.

When Miracles Leave a Trail

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Photo by M.A.D.

Ever been in a situation where no matter how much you analyze it there appears to be no solution? In those instances, one hopes for a miracle, and many prayers after, a miracle takes place. Most likely, one recognizes and appreciates the miracle, however, many times, it takes a while to comprehend the full impact of that miracle and all the backstage work (godly work) leading to it. Sometimes, it takes time to see the whole miracle as it unfolded. It is then, when we start discovering little pieces of information that come to us bit by bit, leading us to understand and comprehend the magnitude of a miracle. It is this trail of awe that makes us see in full completion the experience of it. If gratitude and awe were strong before, the trail of a miracle not only humbles us, but plants a seed of hope, faith, joy, and peace within.

One realizes that human reasoning has its limits, and when reached, faith and hope take over. If you have experienced a miracle, a happy resolution to what seemed like a hopeless situation, pay attention to the trail that it leaves, and your perspective (more so) will be changed.

Looking Forward

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Spring is almost here, and the old farmhouse becomes alive again. That entails many chores, most of them delightful, at least in my eyes. To prepare this home for spring, I like to give the porch a refresh, change or move around things a bit, after a good cleaning. The side entrance gets new life as well. Both entrances are adorned with new wreaths (recycled). This year, it was time to change the tattered flag and replace it with something different. I love the farm animals’ motif on this flag. I have decided to eliminate the side entrance flag in order to simplify the outdoors a bit. It will stay up until the holidays, and then, I will remove the pole as well. Most of these items have migrated from indoors to outdoor use as I continue to declutter and simplify things inside. I love pine trees, so the pine tree sign stays all year and so does my two potted cedars. I found the little cedars growing outside when these were about two or three inches tall, and they have grown lovely. They look great during the Christmas season as well. In living simply, one of the things I have decided to eliminate is having artificial flowers all over the house, indoors that is. These flowers were repurposed for use on the side door arrangement. The rest of the flowers and many other items were donated to our local SPCA thrift shop. All the proceeds go to help pets in the shelter and families who need pet food and cannot afford it at a particular time. It is a great place. Once the holidays arrive again, I will eliminate most of my Christmas decor, and leave only a few items and our Christmas tree. I have already told members of my family that I don’t want any gifts, unless they disappear with use, such as a candle or holiday food items, if they insist on gifting. As I age, I find the need and want for things, whether decor or other has really diminished. I can appreciate the beautiful and lovely things without wanting these items. I have only left some meaningful items that represent gifts from people I love, and a few dear to me. I like the feeling of lightness and simplicity, and as I am enjoying this feeling, I think more items will have to find new homes and people who will appreciate these in their surroundings. It is a win-win.

The month of March is reserved for setting up the garden areas and for general cleanup. Areas that have not performed well will be eliminated, and other areas will be improved or simplified. The idea is to make the garden more enjoyable and less of a chore. Some potted plants will be condensed and in general, the areas will become less cluttered and easier to manage. March is also the time to clean and set up the veggie garden and also a time to plan what veggies we will plant this year. We also plan the outdoor projects for this year. We will try to tackle one project a month, if possible. One very important, and the first project we will tackle is fixing the way the grape vine is hanging. We let it grow over the veggie garden fence. Last year was the first year that we would have collected grapes, and the vine was full of grapes. However, when the grapes were almost ready to pick, they disappeared overnight, hundreds of grapes gone. I was puzzled. We think that deer had a feast, so we have to come up with a solution. We trimmed the vine, and we will start it again this year, higher up this time.

Outdoor projects will continue until September or October, depending on the weather, so there is not much time to do everything we would like to do. However, planning helps us take care of the most important issues and prioritize them. I will share some of these projects here.

Happy Spring!

Your Dream Might Overshadow Your Purpose

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Dreaming starts early in life. It starts wishing for favorite toys and things we want as kids, and it continues to evolve to more complex desires, material, such as a car or a house, and even nonmaterial things such as success, financial freedom, and so on. I don’t think that there is anyone on this planet that does not have at least one dream.

For many of us, our most precious dreams manifest late in life; other people never get to realize their dream, and others struggle all their life in pursuit of something that never materializes. Other people realize what they thought was their dream, was actually not after achieving it. Sometimes, our dreams can overshadow a main purpose. That is, we are so focused on achieving what we want (or think we want) that we forget the main objective, which might be different from our dream. For example, let’s say that I run a shop to raise money for a cause. The main purpose is to make as much money to benefit such cause. However, I had a dream of owning an upscale boutique, and the shop is fulfilling a small part of that dream, emotionally that is. Ideally, and keeping to the main purpose of raising money for a cause, I would price items at various price points to attract as many people as possible in order to achieve my main purpose. However, my own dream gets in the way and overshadows my main objective. I start thinking of more upscale items that will attract specific buyers, and not the number of customers I need coming through the doors in order to achieve the main purpose. In this example, my personal dream overshadowed my main objective which was to raise as much money as possible for a cause. Another example, it is also the case of parents who live their dream through their kids. The kid’s own dreams take second place and so does parenting. These are just two examples but this can apply to many things in life, including writing.

We are emotional beings and sometimes, the strings of the heart play a louder melody, thus deafening us to our main objective. To dream is in our nature, and so is to strive and achieve a purpose/objective. Sometimes, those two don’t necessarily align well. When in doubt, go back to the main objective.

We can think that the moon is a slice of cheese, or we can see it for what it is. (Photo by M.A.D.)

You Are Not What You Own

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I took this picture in 2012 or so; it still speaks to me. (Photo by M.A.D.)

The minute we open our eyes to receive a brand-new day we are bombarded by advertising, whether on the news, the items we already own, and it continues throughout our day. Whether we realize it or not, we are being sold something (material or other) all the time. It is no wonder that we feel the need to accumulate more things and think that we actually need most of these items to live. We have learned to build status, a persona, around these things, and many times, we confuse who we are with the number of things or status we possess. Society builds itself around opportunities to have and have more, as well as the perception other people have of what we own. If we don’t own, we might not feel at par with the rest and we feel diminished. Why is that?

We have placed more value on our material possessions than on the God-given gifts and abilities we have; we have become our possessions and to have less than what society expects of us is unacceptable for many people. If we don’t follow the herd, we feel marginalized because sometimes, we are. The day we open our eyes and wake up, that is the day that we realize that we are more than what we own, and that our human value surpasses all of that. We understand that any material items in our lives are a blessing and not an extension of our Self. Then, we become grateful and free, not controlled or cursed by our material possessions or even the emotional weight that these put on us. Gratefulness opens the door for generosity and sharing. The true essence of who we are starts to emerge.