Month: February 2012

When Misery Loves Company

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Finger pointing

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We have heard this line many times – “Misery loves company.”  It is a very damaging way to live by.  Why?  When we sulk in our misery and surround ourselves with people who feel the same way, we are becoming victims of whatever situation it is that we sulk about and prolong.  Some people may even live a lifetime this way.  They have become victims and most likely, blame another for their misfortune.

I wholehearted believe that I cannot blame anyone for whatever happens in my life, because ultimately, I make the decisions, whether these are decisions that I make or think I have to make, but is not what I would like to do – in any case, I always decide, like it or not; therefore, there is no assigning blame.  When I fully understood this truth, I became free.  I saw that no matter the circumstances, I chose and that meant accepting responsibility for those decisions – positive and negative.

When we say ” it is ______ (fill the blank) fault, we are closing the door to growth.  Only by understanding that you are responsible for every path taken, and letting go of blame, there can be growth.  For some people, this is difficult to accept and they don’t want to be reminded of it.  If you do, they will find something wrong with you to be able to refute this truth, whether it is your lack of experience in certain area or life situation or something else.  For them, this is ground for invalidation of what you have to say.  Many times, that same “lack” is what helps you be neutral and understand many points of view.  Keep playing the same misery song and you will keep dancing the same misery dance.  If you don’t change the tunes, don’t expect your feet to move at a different rhythm.  That is what I say.

The artist/writer is many times, misunderstood and labeled.  Many artists/writers know that there is a price to pay when they chose to welcome creativity and change in their lives, specially when others don’t understand their art or path.  They may be accused of daydreaming, having unrealistic expectations, not working, being too emotional … and many other things, tons of other things.  If you find yourself wanting your dream very much and on the path to make it real, to survive this you must avoid becoming discouraged by what others may or may not think of you and you must work your dream against the odds.  Most important, don’t invite company to celebrate misery, because misery loves company, and growth will stop.

When to Mind your Fabulous Business and Shut Up.

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Duality of Mind

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This morning, as I scanned the FB comments, I stopped at one made by Paolo Coelho – “What other people think of you is none of your business.”  I thought, excellent words of wisdom, but not easy to follow them.  The truth is that doing that is really very difficult because it goes against our human nature.  As a social species, we want to be liked by others,  and we love to be accepted and celebrated by others.  We want to share our wisdom with others, wether blogging, writing a book, talking to family or friends, thru a painting exposition …  We want to achieve but we also want those achievements to be recognized.  We do mind what other people think and say of us, and maybe we give too much importance on what others think of us.  That is why I thought that those words were such an epiphany – “What other people think of you is none of your business.”

If we lived that way we would be so much happier with the world around us and with the world within us.  We would be less critical of others and of ourselves.  We would spend less time worrying and sulking and more time dreaming and doing.  Ever tried to talk to someone who refutes or challenges every word that comes from your mouth – even if you are talking about laundry?  Well, I have, and let me tell you that it is the hardest thing to do, because it is impossible to have a normal conversation with that person.  This is when those words work well and instead of forcing a conversation or defending mine, I choose to mind my fabulous business and shut up, and in the way to happy land, I realize that Paolo Coelho is right – what other people think of me is none of my fabulous business.

Expanding Your Horizon

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Rendition of Homer's view of the world (prior ...

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If you are human, you have a set of beliefs.  Those beliefs form as you grow up and are highly influenced by culture, family, country … and many other things.  In a way, you identify with those beliefs, in a way, they are you, part of you.  I know people who are so set in their beliefs that refuse to explore beyond their horizon or entertain another point of view.  These people may fear that by opening their mind to receive information that may or may not contradict their belief system, they might cheat on that same system or worst, lose themselves – I pity them.  Why?  Because opening your mind to try to understand something and exploring information does not in any way diminish what you think, or believe; on the contrary, if you truly respect your beliefs, there is no need to fear new information.  What would have happened if all the explorers and scientists of the past had not stepped one foot pass their comfort zone (beliefs) and try to expand what they already knew or believed?  You answer that question, since the answer is obvious.

I used to write for a site and the community there seemed very friendly and loved commenting on each other’s work.  There was only one thing that drove me nuts, especially when I wrote a piece of poetry.  I write about many things, true or fictional, and many times, I love to imagine things poetically.  What drove me nuts?  That most times, people thought that the piece of poetry was directly related to me, as in true life.  I was too lazy to explain that it was just a piece of writing, many times fictional.

Don’t believe everything you read or are told; expand your horizon, move one step over the flat ocean’s edge and refresh your mind and spirit.  Think for yourself, believe what you must but after you consider the opposite point of view, there is no harm in that; who knows, it may even strengthen your beliefs.  As a writer, you owe it to yourself, and your readers … believe and expand your horizon.

The Three Forgotten Rules for Living

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CHILDREN PLAY ON GARBAGE DUMP - NARA - 544794

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The other day, I was pondering on this adage (yes, I ponder a lot – even as a toddler, according to my Mom) – “Use it up, Make do, Do without.”  I don’t know if you are familiar with it, but it has been thrown around from time to time.  I realized that these words have been forgotten in today’s society.  Although, some people are turning their lives around and embracing these words (many times they are called “greenies”) most people live the opposite to this, at least that is what I’ve observed.  I was there once.

Use it Up – Most people throw away things before they even finish their contents, many times, unused items that they never got to open, spoiled food, and so on.

Make Do – That has become an insult in today’s society.  To some, Make Do is synonym to being a loser, or being poor.  I’ve known people with lots of money that live by the Make Do rule; it doesn’t have to do with how much money you have.  Some people choose this way of living, but this is the minority.

Do Without – This is unheard these days, especially since the invention of credit cards.  It is the source of many tantrums at stores or at home, and I am not talking about kids.  People become miserable if they cannot have stuff NOW!  Do Without? – But that is impossible!

The New Rules of the Game

1.  Use it Halfway, if ever.

2.  Get the newest and latest.

3.  Get it Now before it becomes old.

Disclaimer:  Some people will hate me for this post.  After the Zombies invade, nothing will matter, so old goods will become new again, and the old rules will become survival techniques.

The Inevitability of Change – Accepting Change

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Some people don’t like change, others associate change with negative things, mostly because they are very comfortable with the current situation or stage in life, and they view change as a disruption.  “If it is not broken, don’t fix it” they may say.  When change is abrupt,and fast it leaves little or no time for this.  Change may be good or bad, however, it is always change.  The only thing that you can control about it is your reaction – accepting change.

Change is inevitable, and it offers an opportunity for movement and growth – whether it is disrupting or good change, either way you must claim your place in life – either embrace it and grow or fight it until you have no more strength – change is inevitable; it is part of our nature.  We go through change since our conception in the womb and it continues until we die – and God knows what else is beyond that, more change?

Change can be sudden, or it can be gradual, the later easier to swallow and embrace, the first, full of punch and invigorating, both regenerative, leaving a sense of renewal in the end.  The greatest thing about change is that no matter how it comes and how it may feel at the moment, it is evolving, and never stalls – that in itself is good.  If change for you represents your darkest hour, find comfort in that – everything shall pass, and it leaves experience, and growth if you choose to accept/embrace it.

Change is inevitable; it is our nature.