Ponderable

Why I Don’t Care About Winning an Argument

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There was a time when I used to get blue in the face defending an argument; I don’t anymore.  Why?  Because first, I am not a lawyer nor do I enter any debating contests; therefore, it doesn’t make a difference to me.  Personal arguments do not take my energy anymore and this is why.

  1. People’s beliefs vary – In the old days, I was trying to convince people of accepting or adopting my belief.  The agenda was set wrong since the beginning.  Instead of inviting people to ponder or take a look at my point of view, I wanted to convert them to it.  Wrong!
  2. I have learned to agree to disagree – Instead of preaching my point of view until air from my lungs is exhausted, and they collapse, I have learned that it is alright to disagree, and it is healthy as well.
  3. It doesn’t change me – Learning to disagree and accepting disagreements does not mean that I have lost or have become weak.  On the other hand, understanding where the other person is coming from, makes me stronger and open-minded.  Agreeing to disagree does not change my core of beliefs, so there is no need for defensiveness.
  4. It is healthy to ponder others points of view – When you learn to appreciate the differences in others people’s arguments, you are allowing your mind to expand and look at other possibilities beyond your own.  You are freeing yourself out of your own box, and can benefit from this mental exercise.
  5. You are totally free – You are allowing yourself to consider other points of view, and there is no need to waste energy defending yours.  This may result on strengthening your own beliefs, or in allowing the freedom of changing them, if you discover new information that contradict your beliefs.

I have learned that there are more colors to an argument besides blue, and welcome all kinds of points of view.  Now, instead of preaching my point or trying to convince the other person that my way is the right one, I choose to expose my feelings in a non treatening way, providing information, and letting that person know why there are features and benefits (for me) to my point of view.  Now, instead of arguing, I sell.

I FaceBooked My Way Through Irene

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Well, the worst of Irene in Cliffwood Beach, NJ is over.  We had some trees down, and some flooding, but overall, better than what we expected.  I decided to keep aware and did not sleep until the worst of the hurricane was over.  Facebook helped me cope with Irene, and in a way, it helped ease my nerves.  I talked to family and friends while the winds were hitting the house, and this proved to be good storm therapy for me.  This proves once more that FB is more than a networking site, it extends to much more.  It has become a way for us to communicate during hard times, and many times the only way when phones and other ways of communication don’t work.

Irene scared the heck out of many people; I Facebooked my way through Irene.

Hurricane Irene – An Education

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Irene was located south of Bermuda and was mov...

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I live in Cliffwood Beach, NJ, close to the path of Irene.  I have observed the preparation for the storm and I have gotten an education on how differently people react.  First, I have to say that Governor Chris Christie has made New Jerseyans feel safe, as he seems very prepared and ready, and he is not taking things lightly.  He has also been “very real” giving his awareness speeches.  I applaud him for this.

Despite all the warnings, I have observed people taking the arrival of Irene very lightly – having parties, planning on getting drunk, or staying in danger zones that are mandatory evacuation.  I know people who are not ready, even with the basics of water and can food.  Their believe – “Nothing is going to happen.”  They just don’t seem to want to hear it.

I have also seen people who at the time of this writing have not secured their stuff outside – many of this things, with the possibility of turning into dangerous projectiles that may damage other people property or even lives.

For the ones planning on partying and getting drunk, think of your family, and the importance of being alert enough to get them to safety if they need you.  There are plenty of times to get drunk and party, and during emergency alert is not one of them.

I have observed that most of the stores here in local Jersey are almost empty.  I am not sure about today, but water is certainly almost gone.  I had to visit two places yesterday to be able to buy water ( single small bottles since the 24 pk kind was gone in my area).  Affordable wood panels were almost gone at the local Home Depot – I had to buy two panels costing $20 each, to cover large windows.  At least it is a good sign that people are getting ready with supplies.  It also makes me think how low in supplies the local stores are, and in the event of a large emergency, they may not be enough for everyone.

I hope that we don’t get hit hard by Irene; it has certainly been an education prior her arrival.

 

The Ageless Artist

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Sketch of W. Somerset Maugham.

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This morning I read a post on Facebook that quoted someone – “… no artist should be allowed to live after he’s 40.  By then a man has done his best work, all he does after that is repetition.” Of Human Bondage,” W. Somerset Maugham.

My reply to the quote itself was,  “Those are such foolish words, inspiration and art are ageless.”

If that was true possibly half or more of the greatest works in history would have not come to be.  Art and Inspiration are ageless, simply because they come from within, from the heart, the soul, and the deepest crevices of our spirit.  The artist inside you is ageless and ready to create when the need and instinct to create makes it inevitable for Art to be born.  Whether artists realize it or not, their art comes from their deepest desire to become creators themselves, and from the spiritual connection between their humanity and their soul.  When you create a piece, there is more than the aging carcass at work; the shell is just the instrument to make art real, art relies on the artist to become, but it is.  Many artists may have the same idea, but it is expressed in different ways and takes its unique form; therefore, becoming art.  In that sense, the artist is ageless.

Simply Human

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The title of this post came to me after opening the lid of the trash can in the kitchen – the brand is simplehuman.  When I glanced at it, this question came to mind, What is to be simply human?  We belong to the human species on this planet, and we live among many other species.  Just as elephants are pachyderms, we are human.  Unfortunately, over the years, the term human has been associated with mistake, error, shame, and a negative connotation.  When we make a mistake we tend to say, “Well, I’m only human or I am simply human.”

I have said that in many occasions, and it wasn’t until today that I got to think about what I was saying.  By saying the phrase, I was giving a negative meaning to my species.  Not on purpose, I was saying that being a human was being less than … far away from perfection, and I was using the word human as a crutch.  A crutch to justify mistakes and not performing up to my potential.  I think that the reason we think of ourselves, as humans, as something far away from beauty, has to do with a philosophic and religious influence throughout the ages, starting with the original sin and Adan and Eve story.  It also has to do with us comparing ourselves to the perfection of divinity.

On the contrary, implying that God or a Creator (if you believe in such) made a beautiful species, capable of many great and not so great deeds, would liberate us of the “simply human” negative connotation.  If you are an atheist, you may see the beauty of our species, and the greatness of our kind.  We can learn that there is no need for excuses in our journey to achieve our potential, and for many who believe, like me, on a divine purpose, to fulfill such.  Whether you believe in God or not, you may find yourself thinking of your humanity as an excuse.  It doesn’t matter if you are an atheist or if you believe in a Creator, you belong to the human species, and this puts you on the same level as any other human being.  What you do with your life – with your human existence is up to you.

Today, thanks to my trash can, I stop saying that I am “Simply Human,” because I know I am much more than that.

The binding of Age

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Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909.

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If you grew up as I did, most likely, you will have the imprinted belief that as soon as you hit 40, you are going down hill.  I have seen a few over the hill greeting cards that seem to cater to that frame of thought.  Believing that this is the case, is a very dangerous thing because it binds you to certain expectations throughout your life.  Certain things should have happened before you turned 45, and if they have not, most likely you will abandon certain goals, and will end up feeling a failure.  What a sick belief!

The truth is that no one knows how long they will live and most people may live to their late eighties.  In this case, being 40, for example, is having half or more of your life to live.  This is not the time to abandon goals or feeling as a failure; on the contrary, it is the time to make them real and with more “gusto” since you have already enjoyed many years of being traditionally “young.”

Age is in your mind;  it is a matter of how your mind is set and of how it has been programmed all these years.  Yes, there are some physical changes on the outside, but the “you” inside the shell knows better.  No one likes wrinkles or the physical changes that come with age; if they did, plastic surgery and beauty aides would not exist.  I myself, am not a fan of wrinkles.  However, I have met young people who act as 90 year olds, and 80 year olds who act as if they were 25.  For those 80 year olds that still see a bright life ahead of them, age is just a number, and age does not bind them to any “society expectations” – they are the masters of their lives.

The Power of Change

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I have met people who do not like change.  They simply don’t like things around them to be different, whether change is for the better or not.  There is risk in change – the unknown.  For some people, this is scary; simply put, they prefer the known to the unknown.  The known comforts them.

I welcome change, whether good or bad, if there is such a thing as bad change.  I believe that when we see our circumstances to be changing for the worst, it is just a matter of perception.  Change always bring something new and different.  With this, it brings the opportunity for new challenges, growth, and new lessons.  It brings the chance – requested or unrequested – of creating something new of the experience or change.  In a way, change is creation.  Change is always forward, even when it is perceived as a step backwards.

Some people may disagree with me on this.  For example, if you were to lose everything you own, you would perceive this as a negative change in your life.  However, this could be the best opportunity for you to start anew, to create a second life, an exciting opportunity.  Yes, no one thinks of being in that situation, and I don’t know of anyone that would consciously welcome it; however, many people in today’s economy have gone thru similar change.  The perception of this change is what will make them powerless or powerful individuals.  This is the power of change.

Simplifying Your Life

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Simplifying your life may sound easier than done.  That is because when we decide to (truly) simplify our lives, the process has percolated in the spiritual sense.  Something has happened on the inside that is starting to manifest on the outside.  The truth is that we do not recognize this; we just feel the desire of simplifying our material lives and this is where we usually start.  Suddenly, we start decluttering our home and environments in which we spend most of our time.  We declutter our desk, closets, attic … and the healing begins.  This is necessary to make space on our cluttered minds and hearts to welcome the things that are needed for our healing.  This is a personal process, for some people, it takes longer than for others, and you arrive at this cleansing stage on your own terms and in different circumstances.  The important issue is that you arrive and let the growth begin.

What started as material decluttering suddenly transforms into spiritual decluttering as well, and the path’s design is personal – unique to you.  Each one of us are here on a journey – whether a short or long journey.  Many times, people watching you from the outside do not understand this much-needed cleansing and may think that you are going nuts, even try to dissuade you to hold on to your stuff – “Get a storage space,” they will suggest, “You will be sorry you got rid of that one day,” and some other similar remarks.  However, it is up to you – it is always up to you to continue your journey.

Roses by Magic

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A rose bush.

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Sitting at my computer for long hours is a bit tiring, so I try to walk around the house, for short breaks or to get some  coffee.  Today, I glanced outside thru the screen door that leads to the backyard.  I was pleasantly surprised to see the rose-bush full of dark red roses – a magical blanket of red.  When did it happen?  As if by magic, the rose-bush that was just sticks a few weeks ago, turned into a marvel of nature.  Although I was not paying attention, the change did not happen from one day to the next – it took some time; slowly the lush leaves appeared, and later, the breathtaking roses.

This gave me some insight.  I thought, sometimes, we worry so much when we are following our call, specially when we don’t see results right away.  We tend to shrivel, to dry, and forget that the growth happens slowly; and just as those roses one day appeared in all their splendor, so it will happen if we continue our path and let growth and bloom happen naturally.

On Being Your Own Cheerleader

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Many times, people find themselves in a sea of uncertainty about their dreams and goals.  Many times, the uncertainty comes from outside sources – from the naysayers that have managed to bury the seed of doubt in the dreamer’s heart.  If you are a dreamer that is working hard towards the goal, it is up to you to toughen up and grow some roses in your heart – their thorns will suffocate the weed that is trying to grow from the seed that naysayers planted there.

Many times, you will have to be your own cheerleader, maybe even the only one.  When others fail you, you can always count on you.  But when you feel as if you have failed yourself, it is because you have let many weeds grow in the garden of your heart.  Start weeding out and you will find again your dream.