Ponderable

Is it Fear of Failure or Fear of Success?

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As artists/writers we have heard how important it is to learn to deal with rejection.  Simply, it is part of the path we take.  Many books have been written about rejection.  We recognize rejection as part of the growth process and almost embrace it.  However, we are not so happy with the concept of failure.  We avoid failure, we fear it, and we want no part of it.  The fear of failure is paralyzing for some people, for others, it may be the fuel that propels them to keep excelling at what they do – we react differently in various circumstances.  These people, whether paralyzed or excelling, have something in common – the fear of failure.  However, there is a third group, which I am very aware of, simply because I found myself in that group once.

This third group thinks that they are afraid of failure; however, this is not the case.  The real fear has been disguised as fear of failure, but on the contrary, it is not failure what this groups fear – it is success.  Fear of success can be as paralyzing as the fear to fail.

Fear of success may be a personal issue and rooted in your childhood, or on any other phase of your life.  It is very hard to spot, and that is why it may hide itself as fear of failure or even of rejection.  Fear of success may involve being afraid of new things or new responsibilities, or even of the spot light and recognition that comes with success, in many cases.  The issue is personal.  If you think that you are afraid of failure, ask yourself why.  Ask again, and again … until you can’t ask no more; the answer may surprise you, as it did me.

Once in the open, your fear has no where else to hide and you can look at it straight, understand it, accept it, and move on.  Once you do this, it will never have the power to paralyze you, because it has been exposed.

So, is it fear of failure or fear of success?

The Book, the Movie, the Reader, and the Audience

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What is better, the book or the movie?  That is a question that we hear many times, specially when talking about a recent release.  However, there  is no real answer to that question.  Really, there is not.  This is why.

I have found that book lovers (including myself) enjoy reading the book, but love seeing the movie for these reasons –

  • You want to see the images in the movie and compare them to the images that you have stored in your mind after reading the book.
  • You want to re-live the book using other senses.
  • You want to see the interpretation of that book in film and how it compares to the book.  Did they get it right?
  • You want to put faces to the main characters in the book.  You probably may have cast some in your mind.
  • You watch the movie as an extension of the book.

There are many other reasons, as reading a book and watching the movie is a personal experience, one that each reader/movie goer makes as individual as their senses.  This is why there is no straight answer to that question.  For some the book is better than the movie, for others, the opposite may be true.  Some will hate both (although, if they hated the book I doubt they will go to see the movie).  And, for a few others, they will love both, and will keep re-reading and watching over and over.  I count myself in that last group – many times.

 

On this topic

http://jitterygt.wordpress.com/2011/01/24/the-book-or-story-is-always-better-than-the-movie/

They Had a Beef – For Dinner?

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Marbled beef

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When I first heard of the word or phrase “I have a beef with you”  I thought that the person was referring to an actual piece of meat – little did I know that it meant – either an argument, a problem, or a situation, that was setting the stage for a fight.  I was listening to the person speaking of this “beef” and could not make sense of it.  It wasn’t until later, when the conversation had progressed, that “the beef” became much clear.

This made me think that first, I had to brush (a lot) in today’s slangs and second, that we are living in a different world, where language, culture and technology intermix with disregard of time or motive.  It used to be that generations had a bit of time to learn to understand the new slang, and the new slang had a purpose or a motive.  A new slang word appeared and it was used and abused, and you were forced to learn it, want it or not.  Today, slang seems to appear out of the sudden and take you by surprise; there is no prelude to it, no big announcements of the generation using it, and no warning that it is here.  It is as if language has taken a dangerous personality, and one that may appear in the most unexpected places.  An example of this is when today, while watching the morning news, the newscast member reading the headlines used the word Beef.  However, this time, I knew what it meant.

Why I Don’t Care About Winning an Argument

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There was a time when I used to get blue in the face defending an argument; I don’t anymore.  Why?  Because first, I am not a lawyer nor do I enter any debating contests; therefore, it doesn’t make a difference to me.  Personal arguments do not take my energy anymore and this is why.

  1. People’s beliefs vary – In the old days, I was trying to convince people of accepting or adopting my belief.  The agenda was set wrong since the beginning.  Instead of inviting people to ponder or take a look at my point of view, I wanted to convert them to it.  Wrong!
  2. I have learned to agree to disagree – Instead of preaching my point of view until air from my lungs is exhausted, and they collapse, I have learned that it is alright to disagree, and it is healthy as well.
  3. It doesn’t change me – Learning to disagree and accepting disagreements does not mean that I have lost or have become weak.  On the other hand, understanding where the other person is coming from, makes me stronger and open-minded.  Agreeing to disagree does not change my core of beliefs, so there is no need for defensiveness.
  4. It is healthy to ponder others points of view – When you learn to appreciate the differences in others people’s arguments, you are allowing your mind to expand and look at other possibilities beyond your own.  You are freeing yourself out of your own box, and can benefit from this mental exercise.
  5. You are totally free – You are allowing yourself to consider other points of view, and there is no need to waste energy defending yours.  This may result on strengthening your own beliefs, or in allowing the freedom of changing them, if you discover new information that contradict your beliefs.

I have learned that there are more colors to an argument besides blue, and welcome all kinds of points of view.  Now, instead of preaching my point or trying to convince the other person that my way is the right one, I choose to expose my feelings in a non treatening way, providing information, and letting that person know why there are features and benefits (for me) to my point of view.  Now, instead of arguing, I sell.

I FaceBooked My Way Through Irene

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Well, the worst of Irene in Cliffwood Beach, NJ is over.  We had some trees down, and some flooding, but overall, better than what we expected.  I decided to keep aware and did not sleep until the worst of the hurricane was over.  Facebook helped me cope with Irene, and in a way, it helped ease my nerves.  I talked to family and friends while the winds were hitting the house, and this proved to be good storm therapy for me.  This proves once more that FB is more than a networking site, it extends to much more.  It has become a way for us to communicate during hard times, and many times the only way when phones and other ways of communication don’t work.

Irene scared the heck out of many people; I Facebooked my way through Irene.

Hurricane Irene – An Education

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Irene was located south of Bermuda and was mov...

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I live in Cliffwood Beach, NJ, close to the path of Irene.  I have observed the preparation for the storm and I have gotten an education on how differently people react.  First, I have to say that Governor Chris Christie has made New Jerseyans feel safe, as he seems very prepared and ready, and he is not taking things lightly.  He has also been “very real” giving his awareness speeches.  I applaud him for this.

Despite all the warnings, I have observed people taking the arrival of Irene very lightly – having parties, planning on getting drunk, or staying in danger zones that are mandatory evacuation.  I know people who are not ready, even with the basics of water and can food.  Their believe – “Nothing is going to happen.”  They just don’t seem to want to hear it.

I have also seen people who at the time of this writing have not secured their stuff outside – many of this things, with the possibility of turning into dangerous projectiles that may damage other people property or even lives.

For the ones planning on partying and getting drunk, think of your family, and the importance of being alert enough to get them to safety if they need you.  There are plenty of times to get drunk and party, and during emergency alert is not one of them.

I have observed that most of the stores here in local Jersey are almost empty.  I am not sure about today, but water is certainly almost gone.  I had to visit two places yesterday to be able to buy water ( single small bottles since the 24 pk kind was gone in my area).  Affordable wood panels were almost gone at the local Home Depot – I had to buy two panels costing $20 each, to cover large windows.  At least it is a good sign that people are getting ready with supplies.  It also makes me think how low in supplies the local stores are, and in the event of a large emergency, they may not be enough for everyone.

I hope that we don’t get hit hard by Irene; it has certainly been an education prior her arrival.

 

The Ageless Artist

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Sketch of W. Somerset Maugham.

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This morning I read a post on Facebook that quoted someone – “… no artist should be allowed to live after he’s 40.  By then a man has done his best work, all he does after that is repetition.” Of Human Bondage,” W. Somerset Maugham.

My reply to the quote itself was,  “Those are such foolish words, inspiration and art are ageless.”

If that was true possibly half or more of the greatest works in history would have not come to be.  Art and Inspiration are ageless, simply because they come from within, from the heart, the soul, and the deepest crevices of our spirit.  The artist inside you is ageless and ready to create when the need and instinct to create makes it inevitable for Art to be born.  Whether artists realize it or not, their art comes from their deepest desire to become creators themselves, and from the spiritual connection between their humanity and their soul.  When you create a piece, there is more than the aging carcass at work; the shell is just the instrument to make art real, art relies on the artist to become, but it is.  Many artists may have the same idea, but it is expressed in different ways and takes its unique form; therefore, becoming art.  In that sense, the artist is ageless.

Simply Human

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The title of this post came to me after opening the lid of the trash can in the kitchen – the brand is simplehuman.  When I glanced at it, this question came to mind, What is to be simply human?  We belong to the human species on this planet, and we live among many other species.  Just as elephants are pachyderms, we are human.  Unfortunately, over the years, the term human has been associated with mistake, error, shame, and a negative connotation.  When we make a mistake we tend to say, “Well, I’m only human or I am simply human.”

I have said that in many occasions, and it wasn’t until today that I got to think about what I was saying.  By saying the phrase, I was giving a negative meaning to my species.  Not on purpose, I was saying that being a human was being less than … far away from perfection, and I was using the word human as a crutch.  A crutch to justify mistakes and not performing up to my potential.  I think that the reason we think of ourselves, as humans, as something far away from beauty, has to do with a philosophic and religious influence throughout the ages, starting with the original sin and Adan and Eve story.  It also has to do with us comparing ourselves to the perfection of divinity.

On the contrary, implying that God or a Creator (if you believe in such) made a beautiful species, capable of many great and not so great deeds, would liberate us of the “simply human” negative connotation.  If you are an atheist, you may see the beauty of our species, and the greatness of our kind.  We can learn that there is no need for excuses in our journey to achieve our potential, and for many who believe, like me, on a divine purpose, to fulfill such.  Whether you believe in God or not, you may find yourself thinking of your humanity as an excuse.  It doesn’t matter if you are an atheist or if you believe in a Creator, you belong to the human species, and this puts you on the same level as any other human being.  What you do with your life – with your human existence is up to you.

Today, thanks to my trash can, I stop saying that I am “Simply Human,” because I know I am much more than that.

The binding of Age

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If you grew up as I did, most likely, you will have the imprinted belief that as soon as you hit 40, you are going down hill.  I have seen a few over the hill greeting cards that seem to cater to that frame of thought.  Believing that this is the case, is a very dangerous thing because it binds you to certain expectations throughout your life.  Certain things should have happened before you turned 45, and if they have not, most likely you will abandon certain goals, and will end up feeling a failure.  What a sick belief!

The truth is that no one knows how long they will live and most people may live to their late eighties.  In this case, being 40, for example, is having half or more of your life to live.  This is not the time to abandon goals or feeling as a failure; on the contrary, it is the time to make them real and with more “gusto” since you have already enjoyed many years of being traditionally “young.”

Age is in your mind;  it is a matter of how your mind is set and of how it has been programmed all these years.  Yes, there are some physical changes on the outside, but the “you” inside the shell knows better.  No one likes wrinkles or the physical changes that come with age; if they did, plastic surgery and beauty aides would not exist.  I myself, am not a fan of wrinkles.  However, I have met young people who act as 90 year olds, and 80 year olds who act as if they were 25.  For those 80 year olds that still see a bright life ahead of them, age is just a number, and age does not bind them to any “society expectations” – they are the masters of their lives.

The Power of Change

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I have met people who do not like change.  They simply don’t like things around them to be different, whether change is for the better or not.  There is risk in change – the unknown.  For some people, this is scary; simply put, they prefer the known to the unknown.  The known comforts them.

I welcome change, whether good or bad, if there is such a thing as bad change.  I believe that when we see our circumstances to be changing for the worst, it is just a matter of perception.  Change always bring something new and different.  With this, it brings the opportunity for new challenges, growth, and new lessons.  It brings the chance – requested or unrequested – of creating something new of the experience or change.  In a way, change is creation.  Change is always forward, even when it is perceived as a step backwards.

Some people may disagree with me on this.  For example, if you were to lose everything you own, you would perceive this as a negative change in your life.  However, this could be the best opportunity for you to start anew, to create a second life, an exciting opportunity.  Yes, no one thinks of being in that situation, and I don’t know of anyone that would consciously welcome it; however, many people in today’s economy have gone thru similar change.  The perception of this change is what will make them powerless or powerful individuals.  This is the power of change.