divorce

Equalizing Your Relationship

/ inkspeare
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Equalizing – To make equal (as defined by the American Heritage Dictionary). 

I was pondering the success or failure of many relationships, even the ones that seem like a match made in heaven, but fail.  I wondered why.  There are many reasons for that, I assume – financial, infidelity … the list is long.  However, there must be a constant that can encompass all those reasons.  The word equalizing seems to cover that ground.

I have never been a fan of the 50/50 rule for couples.  I don’t think it is real, and I don’t think it works.  In a relationship, there is never a 50/50 give or take.  Simply put, we are not machines, we do not function as exact mathematical equations, it is just not natural.  This is why I think that the word equalizing makes more sense.

In trying to make something equal, one most try to balance, stabilize, counterbalance, and steady what is not.  Therefore, it is a matter of both individuals working together to try to balance or equalize an issue.

In the 50/50 deal, a couple will try to give half effort, in hopes that the other will put in the other half – this never works out that exact way, someone always puts in a bit more or less – 40/60%, 30/70%, 80/20% …  This is turn, can result in resentment on one of the parts, disagreements, turmoil …

Equalizing relationships without looking for a 50/50 solution will help both parties contribute the part that is missing, and hopefully, the percentages of contribution will fluctuate between both individuals and balance (equalize) the relationship.   But that is just my humble opinion.

For Better or for Worst … Love Needs to Be Shared

/ inkspeare
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For better or for worst, in sickness or in health, in good times and bad times … We are familiar with this sentence, at least if you are married or attended a wedding, saw one on TV, and do not live under a rock.  Love needs to be shared under all those conditions.  The divorce statistics may point to the contrary.

I don’t consider myself an eavesdropper, but I am amused by the conversations I get to listen to when I am waiting online, at a Dr.’s office, post office … Many times, you hear “the bashing of the love one,” – good title for a song.  Men or women, they all do it, they express their dissatisfaction with the love in their lives.  True or not, it is a matter of perspective for many – discounting abuse cases, of course.

The point is, we are sometimes quick to judge our loved ones.  Quick to request perfection, when what we are looking for is a companion who will take us seriously in good times and in bad times.  The following questions offer much insight.

  • Does he/she listens when you talk (when you truly talk)?
  • Does he/she cares, even when it doesn’t show?
  • Does he/she want to be with you forever?
  • Do you see the good in him/her?  Is is more than the flaws?
  • Did you once felt that the two of you could tackle everything, the world?
  • Do you feel tired?
  • Do you need to step back and look at the whole picture?
  • Do you believe?
  • Do you need to ask/answer these questions?

Sometimes, the answers can be found in the questions.