Equalizing – To make equal (as defined by the American Heritage Dictionary). 

I was pondering the success or failure of many relationships, even the ones that seem like a match made in heaven, but fail.  I wondered why.  There are many reasons for that, I assume – financial, infidelity … the list is long.  However, there must be a constant that can encompass all those reasons.  The word equalizing seems to cover that ground.

I have never been a fan of the 50/50 rule for couples.  I don’t think it is real, and I don’t think it works.  In a relationship, there is never a 50/50 give or take.  Simply put, we are not machines, we do not function as exact mathematical equations, it is just not natural.  This is why I think that the word equalizing makes more sense.

In trying to make something equal, one most try to balance, stabilize, counterbalance, and steady what is not.  Therefore, it is a matter of both individuals working together to try to balance or equalize an issue.

In the 50/50 deal, a couple will try to give half effort, in hopes that the other will put in the other half – this never works out that exact way, someone always puts in a bit more or less – 40/60%, 30/70%, 80/20% …  This is turn, can result in resentment on one of the parts, disagreements, turmoil …

Equalizing relationships without looking for a 50/50 solution will help both parties contribute the part that is missing, and hopefully, the percentages of contribution will fluctuate between both individuals and balance (equalize) the relationship.   But that is just my humble opinion.