family

Reduced to Your Possessions

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When I decided to live in a more present and simpler way, one of the effects that happened almost as a natural reaction was for me to rid of excess in my life, material and other. After evaluating much of my life in a systemic way, I started to let go of stuff first, and eventually, of every other thing that did not fell into balance with my life’s systems. Stuff was a significant area for me, years of accumulation, of excess. This act of letting go opened my eyes to many areas, and I became aware of how possessions dictate on one’s way of living, how people identify with their possessions, and ultimately, how one’s identity can be reduced to one’s possessions, by ourselves and by the perception of others as well. Our living is reduced to maintaining such possessions, and in a way, the stuff that was supposed to enhance living, ends up diminishing it.

I remember attending a funeral when I was much younger, and as I approached the widow to give her my condolences, I decided to wait aside until she finished her conversation with a couple. Without intention, I overheard the man asking this grieving widow how much she wanted for her late husband’s car. Obviously, it was not the time and place to ask that question. This scene stayed in my mind until today. It made me realized how people see other people after death, and how inconsiderate a person who is materially oriented can become. On a more recent observation of human behavior, I observed how a man who owned many vehicles was reduced to his possessions after he died. The next day, there were many takers looking to buy his vehicles. One of them, even checking out a motorcycle during the family service which was at the home of the deceased. This reminded me of the first incident that happened many years ago, its similarity, and made me think of how I would like to be remembered when I go to meet my maker. I am sure that most of us have heard stories about family feuds after a patriarch or matriarch dies, and of siblings fighting for an inheritance and relationships being broken for the same reasons. It happens in the closest of families.

I am not a minimalist, and I can appreciate beautiful things, but I don’t want my identity to be based on stuff, neither how other people might remember me by. When we approach the relation to our possessions as stewards of the material blessings we receive instead of owners or collectors, we become more grateful, but also more generous. We also learn to see people for their true essence and not their status or material abundance, and as a default, we end up having better human to human interactions once we remove the material filter.

Role Models, Where are They?

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I think that younger generations are lacking something that was very important for older generations – role models. Our society has decline in this sense, and instead, a younger generation is filling that void with role models found in Hollywood celebrities and even AI, wherever they can find the ideal, even when it may be a bit removed from reality. If you had an influential and positive role model in your life, count yourself blessed. When we are young, we might not recognize the significant influence of a role model in our life, but later on, in hindsight, we realize how blessed we were.

I had two strong role models in my life, both women, and they contributed much to the woman I am today. One of them, my grandmother, the strong, courageous, and righteous woman who raised me. I can honestly say that she was the living image of the woman in Proverbs 31. I learned so much character and wisdom from her (and much more) throughout my childhood and my early younger years, but her teachings lasted a lifetime.

As a young and married adult in my 20s, I met my second role model, a Jewish woman who introduced me to business concepts, an area of my life that had no previous exposure as far as learning. I value her teachings to this day because she inspired in me a learning for such things and gave me a view of myself that I never had before in that sense. She inspired me to dream more, for the first time.

These women, very different but similar in character, and from very different cultures, upbringing, religious views, education, and socioeconomic backgrounds, shaped much of my thinking in a positive way, and I am so grateful for having them in my life at an early age. When I think about what I consider a scarcity in role models these days, I see a correlation with the erosion of our value system as a society. Times may change, technology may modernize and influence the way we do daily living, but core values should remain and not get lost within a rapid changing culture. These are basic rules of engagement, of humanity and societal goodness that we ought to pass on to the next generation.

Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! and So On …

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Happy Christmas, painted by Johansen Viggo

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A Christmas + Wish

 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays Everyone

Have a happy, happy one!

Cheer and Joy dance in your heart

Merry Melodies from afar.

 

May this year bring you blessings

Tons of sweet things, bliss, and great things

May your heart be full of joy

And your home of many toys.

 

To your neighbor cheer and greet

Make much merry, full of glee

Thank the Lord for all your blessings

Give to others, enjoy sharing.

 

Start the year in full force

See your dreams take some form

If you are tired take a break

Rest, relax, and start again.

 

Happy Holidays to All!  Blessings to you all and thank you for visiting, reading, and commenting here at Inkspeare.

The Creative Octopus

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I am writing this post thinking about those people who are torn between many creative endeavors; simply put, they cannot commit to only one.  If you are like me, you probably cannot work only in painting, writing, or handmade crafts – your creative energy is so strong that you have to do it all, otherwise, you feel strapped down and incomplete.  This can be a challenge, specially because there are only so many hours during the day, and many times you have to deal with the frustration of not being able to dedicate more time to some creative projects.

You have heard the adage, “Jack of all trades, master of none” – well that is something we have to contend with and if we are going to dedicate our time and efforts to all our creative passions, we may have to focus a bit more on one to be able to move forward – there has to be a certain balance, otherwise you end up with tons of projects, lots of creative energy, but nothing done to full completion.

If you are making a living this way, it gets more challenging as you have to deal with all the documentation and paperwork that goes with it, to keep it IRS happy – these activities eat a lot of your creative time; however, they are necessary.  If you work outside the home as well, and have a family, this could get very stressful, and you may end up feeling tired, overworked, but mostly, with your creative hands tied up.  Again, balance is the magic word.  However, singles and couples without kids have it easier, no doubt about that.  There are many other activities and commitments that come with the fact of having a family.

How can you tend to work, family and your many creative passions?

The answer, not at once.  I have found that as long as I know that I can dedicate some time to pursue my passions, I am happy.  For example, I focus on my writing, and dedicate time to my other passions, whether it is one day a week or more than one.  For example, you can dedicate part of your Sunday afternoon to painting or an hour on Wednesday evening.  Maybe your Saturday mornings can become your crafting sessions … you have to find  what works for you.  If you have a family, they have to learn to respect your creative time as well.

If you are a creative octopus and decide to give up painting to dedicate your efforts to writing, for example, but your soul is hurting for some brushstrokes, then your writing will suffer as well, because you are tying up your creative Muse.  Finding a way to keep duty, love, and creativity coexisting together is not easy, but attainable.  For many families, what started as a one person creative endeavor, ended up as a whole family business.

Give your Muse enough time to play with all your passions, while focusing on one artistic venue.  Sometimes, creative octopuses become overwhelmed by their own creative energy, and abandon it all, as they think that they cannot do it all in one day.  That is the clue – not to do it all in one day, but instead, to dedicate one day to each one of your creative passions.

You can enjoy all your artistic passions, but one tentacle at a time.

Equalizing Your Relationship

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Vector image of two human figures with hands i...

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Equalizing – To make equal (as defined by the American Heritage Dictionary). 

I was pondering the success or failure of many relationships, even the ones that seem like a match made in heaven, but fail.  I wondered why.  There are many reasons for that, I assume – financial, infidelity … the list is long.  However, there must be a constant that can encompass all those reasons.  The word equalizing seems to cover that ground.

I have never been a fan of the 50/50 rule for couples.  I don’t think it is real, and I don’t think it works.  In a relationship, there is never a 50/50 give or take.  Simply put, we are not machines, we do not function as exact mathematical equations, it is just not natural.  This is why I think that the word equalizing makes more sense.

In trying to make something equal, one most try to balance, stabilize, counterbalance, and steady what is not.  Therefore, it is a matter of both individuals working together to try to balance or equalize an issue.

In the 50/50 deal, a couple will try to give half effort, in hopes that the other will put in the other half – this never works out that exact way, someone always puts in a bit more or less – 40/60%, 30/70%, 80/20% …  This is turn, can result in resentment on one of the parts, disagreements, turmoil …

Equalizing relationships without looking for a 50/50 solution will help both parties contribute the part that is missing, and hopefully, the percentages of contribution will fluctuate between both individuals and balance (equalize) the relationship.   But that is just my humble opinion.

For Better or for Worst … Love Needs to Be Shared

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Television icons

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For better or for worst, in sickness or in health, in good times and bad times … We are familiar with this sentence, at least if you are married or attended a wedding, saw one on TV, and do not live under a rock.  Love needs to be shared under all those conditions.  The divorce statistics may point to the contrary.

I don’t consider myself an eavesdropper, but I am amused by the conversations I get to listen to when I am waiting online, at a Dr.’s office, post office … Many times, you hear “the bashing of the love one,” – good title for a song.  Men or women, they all do it, they express their dissatisfaction with the love in their lives.  True or not, it is a matter of perspective for many – discounting abuse cases, of course.

The point is, we are sometimes quick to judge our loved ones.  Quick to request perfection, when what we are looking for is a companion who will take us seriously in good times and in bad times.  The following questions offer much insight.

  • Does he/she listens when you talk (when you truly talk)?
  • Does he/she cares, even when it doesn’t show?
  • Does he/she want to be with you forever?
  • Do you see the good in him/her?  Is is more than the flaws?
  • Did you once felt that the two of you could tackle everything, the world?
  • Do you feel tired?
  • Do you need to step back and look at the whole picture?
  • Do you believe?
  • Do you need to ask/answer these questions?

Sometimes, the answers can be found in the questions.

Writer’s Wisdom 80

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Live and Write

If you are busy freelance writing, you may find that it takes most of your day, and sometimes, a few hours at night.  It may also take some of your weekends.  Assignments come and go, and the competition is fierce – you are lucky if you can grab it.  However, how much is too much?  You know you have to eat, right?  But at what cost?  Be thankful for the assignments you get, but also live your life.  Make time for your spirit, yourself, your family, your pets, and your friends.   If you don’t, you will find yourself in a less than perfect mood for writing.

Create a balance, and write.  Live and write.