Photo by M. Diaz
Dear Child,
Find me in the stillness of your soul, in the nature of things, their purity, their essence. Find me in the song of the day, the sounds of a new beginning, the voice of a start as pure as the essence of your soul. Dear child, find me in the time, the seconds, the hours… find me in the voice of the unknown yet to be revealed. Find me, but most of all, find yourself, for there I reside.
Where to go from now? This is a question that many of us ask, as we tend to worry sick about the future – career, finances, relationships … We make plans, lists, life maps … you name it, in the hopes of being too careful about how we live our lives and plan our future. We dream of better days, success, and happy lives … and that is good – planning for the future is good; however, we forget about the Now.
It doesn’t matter if you consider yourself a worry wart or not, we all do it – we lose sleep about the promotion, the query, the bills … however, we forget to live the life that we have been gifted on this day. Sometimes, it takes an unfortunate event, or a series (in stubborn cases) to make us realize that the important moment is the one that we have been given by our next breath, and the gift of a brand new day. NOW is what truly matters. I was having this conversation with one of my sisters and we agreed on how futile it is to sweat the big and small stuff when it hasn’t even showed up.
One of my favorite quotes from the bible Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 reads,
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to
embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”
I like it because it reminds me of the Now and of the human condition and nature. In my opinion, this verse “gets us.” Sometimes, we don’t even understand our purpose under the sun; however, the Now is always there, and all we have to do is live it.
Next time the question “Where to go from now?” pops in your mind (or heart) answer it with a simple NOW.
This post was inspired by a postcard that my husband received in yesterday’s mail. It was a promotional card for buying your own mausoleum. The card is truly cute and kind of happy for such death talk. It is colorful and direct to the point, and I thought that the message was delivered in a smart sassy way and pushed the right buttons – family – significant other – guilt. The words Always and Alone are written in a fun aqua font so talking about the creepy topic is not so creepy, and that leaving the ones that you Always loved Alone to take care of the arrangements, is taken care ahead of time. This marketing card is going to get noticed for certain – look at me, I’m writing about it on this blog. It stands out from other too serious and “party of life poopers” promotional/marketing ads for funerals and mausoleums. The funny thing is that my husband and I have not even reached the age of 50 yet. But this got me thinking. Once you are over the hill, society starts thinking of your funeral, assisted living or nursing home care, life insurance, reversible mortgages … and so on, the promotional/marketing literature keeps on coming, because this is how you are seen, with just a few steps closer to one of those alternatives.
This got me thinking some more – do I view myself in the same light? The answer to that question was a bit conflicting and this is why. I, for certain, don’t feel closer to a mausoleum or a nursing home, on the contrary, I feel young, healthy, and with much yet to live and do. On the other side, realizing that I passed forty and fifty is in the horizon, brings a sense of urgency to my projects and things that I want to accomplish before hitting the mausoleum or the nursing home. I have read more than once, that starting a writing career in your forties, is starting a bit late, and for that matter, any other ventures that may require time ahead of you. I have never agreed with that philosophy. I think that each one of us goes on a journey, and the time is right when the time is right, and opportunities abound at each bent of road. The important thing is to follow your call, live your dream, and love what you do, but do it – no matter what age you happen to be.
I resent being told what to expect at any age, and I don’t like to be told what to do about it either. I am far from a procrastinator; however, I believe that there is a time for everything under the sun, and the sun keeps shining until my last breath – and that is when I would become the Mausoleum Writer.
Here is a picture of the Happy Death Card.
The front of the card.
This is the back of it. I hid the business name, but you can see the sense of urgency, the pretty and happy font, and tons of marketing psychology in between the lines.
We had a good chuckle. Do you think that you are too old for a writing career?
This shot was taken in a very lonely road going outside of Sapa in north Vietnam. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
“Chances are you won’t make it.” – I consider that phrase the worst and best motivator.
Why? Because it can motivate you to fight against the odds, inspire you to prove them wrong, and fuel your heart; but on the other hand, it can take all that away from you, demoralize you and send you to the bottom of the barrel. It is true that many times, it depends on where it comes from – on who said it; however, the attitude you choose is up to you. Either fight back and hold on to your dream or sink to the bottom.
Ah, but is not that easy. When you hear that phrase after many trials and failures it becomes heavier, and your beat up vulnerable heart and spirit has weakened to a point where you think that you have no strength to prove them wrong, to fight against the odds or to keep holding on. It is very different if that was said to you when you started your journey, isn’t it? All fresh, with tons of energy, exuberant and smelling of soon to be success, drunk on the juices of the big dream cocktail and ready to fight against the odds, prove them wrong, and hold on with your teeth if necessary. What happened?
The journey happened. It is all part of the journey, the trials, the failures, the tiredness, the broken heart, the broken dreams, the broken spirit … Until you understand that all is part of the journey, you won’t be able to keep going. It is the path that takes you there, but only you can follow it.
I have never been able to understand the expression “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” It doesn’t make sense to me, and I always end up thinking “Why can’t I?” Although it may mean that you cannot have your cake intact or whole and eat it at the same time, referring to wanting the best of two worlds or wanting more than you can handle, or even having it both ways, a popular phrase, I still think that it is possible to have your cake and eat it too. It is all on the approach to whatever “the cake” means to you.
The way I see it, when we practice mindfulness, we can have the cake and eat it, one bite/moment at a time, and that makes a huge difference. When we multitask or want it all at once, the expression might make sense; however, when we learn to enjoy every bite, as tiny as it may be, we are able to savor the cake while appreciating it at the same time. Picture a whole delicious cake (your favorite), and take a whole chunk out of it, or many at once, it is not whole anymore, it doesn’t resemble the original cake. Now, take the same cake and with a spoon or fork, pick up a bit of frosting or ganache, and dig a little deep deeper, enjoying every bite. Now, look at it, it still resembles the original cake. You are having your cake and you are eating it too, one delicious small bite at a time, minding every bite. Apply this to life, the cake representing your dream or goal.
The above metaphor tells you that without celebrating the journey, things may feel a bit incomplete or hollow. I realized this later in life because I always thought that I was supposed to celebrate when I reached the pinnacle. It is what I was taught in school and how I was socialized – the journey doesn’t count. It is how most of us are raised and socialized. The way I see it now, without the journey and the celebration of it, the last stop, the pinnacle, may seem a bit empty once I arrive. I also know that the pinnacle is only one part of the whole journey.
We have a choice; we can rush eating the cake or we can eat it slowly and enjoy every bite while still seeing the big picture. Many times the journey is what makes the destination worthwhile.
South Padre Island: A person takes advantage of the early morning for peace and quiet. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
How many times have you heard the phrase “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger?” Probably countless of times, and usually from someone who is going through rough times. I always agreed with it, that is, until I had to say it. The issue with it is that it doesn’t tell the story. It assumes that the person will have a quick recovery from what almost “killed” him or her. The truth is that unless that person struggles and fights to stay afloat and takes action to become stronger, that person can become paralyzed, stuck, traumatized, and remain a “living dead,” broken and far away from being “strong.”
What if you went through a significant circumstance in your life which marked you in a way that although you know you have to keep going, it has become very hard to do so? You may stay alive but with little to no strength to fight. This may apply to different situations. One thing that I have learned is that what doesn’t affect someone may paralyze another – we respond and deal with situations in our own way. The struggle can be brief, or long, and the longer it takes, the outcome becomes either,
In either case, you must take a step to come out.
Pondering about this, and notebook in hand, this is what I was inspired to write.
One way in which you can become stronger is by,
A carpenters’ ruler with centimetre divisions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
At one point or another, we think about success, about how “successful” we are in our lives or endeavors. The problem with measuring success is that we usually measure it against an ideal set up by society or against the success of others in our circle or people whom we admire and consider successful. It is no surprise that most people would consider themselves unsuccessful and may feel a bit discouraged or sad about their stagnant lives or careers. Little do we know that we are looking in the wrong direction and we are using the wrong measuring stick.
The question is, if we want to be successful (success is defined here as feeling realized and whole) why are we looking outwards when we should be looking inwards? Why use the success of others as a measuring stick when we are our own “self” with unique dreams and goals, feelings about those dreams and goals, and a sense of where we want to be, whether clear or not at the moment.
Maybe it is that we are taught (since early age) to look at role models not so much in admiration but as imitation. When we are asked the question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” we are being asked, “who do you want to be like?” If we happen to give the wrong answer, our parents or caretakers will offer a better suggestion – “why not becoming a – fill the blank – instead?” And the quest for success starts.
I think that society needs role models, but not at the expense of creativity and individuality. Role models fuel dreams, mentors inspire. All that is good; however, it is sad that today we look to Hollywood to find role models, when we might have one in our backyards (and that is not to say that there aren’t any role models in Hollywood, because there are). Without sounding preachy, let’s go back to the topic of success and why it may seem so elusive.
“Why don’t I feel successful?” This is a good question to ask ourselves. It focuses on the individual and his/her feelings, which is an inward point of view. The minute we focus our answer outwards, there lies the problem (the culprit). A possible answer could be – “Because I have not found an agent or a publisher yet” or “Because I don’t have much money” or “Because my art is not selling well enough” or “Because I am no Stephenie Meyer or Bill Gates” and it could go on and on … These are examples of answers that point outwards and offer the wrong measuring stick. The feelings of inadequacy that you might be experiencing may not be yours at all but rooted into the illusion of becoming like someone else, and that in itself is denying your own individuality (in a sense). And this is why success is so elusive for most of us – because looking inwards is not that easy, and it is not what we were taught as we grew up.
So today, look inwards, take account of all your efforts, and see how far you have come, and celebrate that. It is the first step to feeling successful and capturing the elusive butterfly. Greatness comes from within and it becomes when it is directed to the service of others.
While cutting some veggies for last night dinner, I had one of my epiphanies. I always cut the ends of the carrots, tomatoes, celery, or any other fruit or veggie that crosses my path. Even when they are cut in halves, if pre-packaged, I go back and cut a slice from the ends just to have a fresh end (not sure if you follow me). Well, by the time I am done, I have a decent amount of veggie scraps that go into the garbage because I cannot compost where I live now (but that will be possible in the near future – can’t wait). It occurred to me that my waste was a perfect meal for people in some countries that will give anything to have a tiny slice of that scrap to make a soup – I mean countries where there is extreme hunger and poverty, and food is not an everyday sight. Not that I am not aware of hunger, for some reason this time, it was different.
Besides feeling terrible and wasteful, I thought of how much perspective matters in how we go through life and do our own thing, and then, I thought of how it affects our writing. When we write a story, even when we are writing from the character’s point of view, our own perspective of things and life is playing in the background. I don’t think that it is possible to escape it totally, even when we try to be true to the character and do a lot of research about the topic or character’s behavior, origins, culture … and so on.
My point is, our perspective follows us everywhere, it is how we see things, life, and how we interpret it, besides being influenced by our own upbringing, culture, and experiences. I have made vegetable soup countless of times, and yet, this time, those scraps meant something different, and have become meaningful somehow.
The pentagram is used as a Christian symbol for the five senses, and if the letters S, A, L, V, and S are inscribed in the points, it can be taken as a symbol of health (from Latin salus). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
As I have said before, sometimes I get so focused on a task that I forget everything around me; I block everything else, and many times I forget that I was just making pancakes for breakfast or that I had just put a load of laundry and heard the bell a minute ago. All I can say is thank God for all my senses. The smell of starting to toast pancakes or the too quiet house will alert me and bring me back. The gentle nag of a cat that wants a temptation treat has brought me back from the extreme focus vortex just in time. This brings me to the topic of appealing to reader’s senses in your writing.
Just as it is important to me to get rescued by my senses, I thought of how important sensory stimulation is on a novel or a piece of writing. Awakening readers senses gives a new depth to your story, and may rescue some readers from boredom – boredom of too much dialog or description. Even if you are deprived of one sense, another takes over, keener and improved. I try to keep this is mind when writing my story, as I tend to run into too much dialog. To me, the senses are a miracle; it is how we experience the world, and how readers can experience your story.
Sometimes, I tend to ask myself the weirdest questions, and I have asked myself if I was to be deprived of a sense or ability, which one will I give up. I know, it may sound sinister to many, but I think about unusual things sometimes. I would give up speech. I don’t talk much; I am the silent type, the observer, and I rather write than talk. As long as I can communicate when I need to in some way, I think I would be happy. I am a very visual person, and that would be the sense that I would miss the most, probably to the point of insanity, which brings me to this point – readers are very different in their consumption of reading material and learning, so the senses that prevail throughout your story may appeal to some readers more than to others. My point, striving for a good balance might not be a bad idea.
Do you think about stimulating the senses when writing your story? Which sense would you give up? Which one would you miss the most? If you are missing a sense, how have you improved the other senses?
Image via Wikipedia
We have heard this line many times – “Misery loves company.” It is a very damaging way to live by. Why? When we sulk in our misery and surround ourselves with people who feel the same way, we are becoming victims of whatever situation it is that we sulk about and prolong. Some people may even live a lifetime this way. They have become victims and most likely, blame another for their misfortune.
I wholehearted believe that I cannot blame anyone for whatever happens in my life, because ultimately, I make the decisions, whether these are decisions that I make or think I have to make, but is not what I would like to do – in any case, I always decide, like it or not; therefore, there is no assigning blame. When I fully understood this truth, I became free. I saw that no matter the circumstances, I chose and that meant accepting responsibility for those decisions – positive and negative.
When we say ” it is ______ (fill the blank) fault, we are closing the door to growth. Only by understanding that you are responsible for every path taken, and letting go of blame, there can be growth. For some people, this is difficult to accept and they don’t want to be reminded of it. If you do, they will find something wrong with you to be able to refute this truth, whether it is your lack of experience in certain area or life situation or something else. For them, this is ground for invalidation of what you have to say. Many times, that same “lack” is what helps you be neutral and understand many points of view. Keep playing the same misery song and you will keep dancing the same misery dance. If you don’t change the tunes, don’t expect your feet to move at a different rhythm. That is what I say.
The artist/writer is many times, misunderstood and labeled. Many artists/writers know that there is a price to pay when they chose to welcome creativity and change in their lives, specially when others don’t understand their art or path. They may be accused of daydreaming, having unrealistic expectations, not working, being too emotional … and many other things, tons of other things. If you find yourself wanting your dream very much and on the path to make it real, to survive this you must avoid becoming discouraged by what others may or may not think of you and you must work your dream against the odds. Most important, don’t invite company to celebrate misery, because misery loves company, and growth will stop.
Inkspeare 