existence

Planning Your New Year – Resolution Solution

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The New Year is around the corner, and we start thinking about new goals, plans, starting anew, and the inevitable – all the goals that we set and did not accomplish.  We feel guilty, and at our worst, as failures.  So we take the pen and paper and start all over again, sometimes repeating the same goals – promising ourselves:  “this year for sure …”  I’ve been there.

Setting goals and naming things that we want to accomplish should not be a painful or shameful process.  It should be a guide, a road map of what we want to do and where we want to end up.  But goals should be realistic and measurable.  Just saying: “I want to lose weight” is not enough.  Instead, go thru a series of questions like:  how many pounds, how, when will I schedule the how, and most important – why?  Why do I want to lose the weight?  Your motivator is your best weapon.  If you don’t know your why, most likely, another year will pass, with no results.  This formula should be applied to every goal or project that you plan for the New Year.

Take a planner or your PC and schedule in your goals, daily, weekly, or however you figured out that you will work at them throughout the entire year.  If you have a reminder every day of your goal schedule, then it is likely that you will work at them with more enthusiasm and determination.  Set an automatic reminder in your PC.  The list of goals written on December 31st is not enough – it has to be planned.

Start thinking realistically of the things that you want to accomplish this coming year; make your list, but don’t stop there – map out a schedule to make them real.  At the end of the year, even if some of them did not work out, most will – and you will feel better and more productive.  I find that by doing this, by the end of the year I see that I have crossed out a good part of my list.  Some goals are still there, but I am a few steps closer to them, and I can always continue to work on them.

One thing that I have observed in some people if that they take their goals as written in stone and will not deviate, even when there is a need for some modification.  Many times a goal is missed just because of this, which is ironic.  In addition, goals should be taken as a guide to where we want to be and not as a horse blinder that will prevent us to enjoy the scenery in the process.  It is good to set some goals but it is also good to leave some room for flexibility, change, and modification.

Happy New Year Planning!

You are What You Read

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How many times have you heard the adage “You are what you eat?”  The same can be said about reading.  You are what you read.  Whatever you feed your brain, that is the connection that you are promoting.  The connections that form in the brain are the result of the stimuli that we receive.  So, if we feed the brain garbage, we better beware, because that is the connection that we are forming.  Despite all our medical and scientific advances, much of how the brain works is still a mystery.  But we know for sure that the brain is making connections as we learn and receive more stimuli.

So when Rene Descartes – the philosopher – said, “I think therefore I am,” we can say that he was not only referring to the cognitive and thinking process, but for sake of this argument, of the possibility of becoming in the sense of what we feed our brains.  How does a college student become a physician?  By learning, reading, and studying to be one.  He becomes the information that he studied.

The possibilities are infinite.  By feeding our brain the right kind of information we become.  Take your goals into consideration.  For example, do you want to be in a better financial position?  Then, start feeding your brain the kind of information that will take you there.

We also read for entertainment. It relaxes us, and takes us to another world.  When is time to come back to reality the reading material that we choose to advance ourselves, is as important as the air we breathe.  Many of us use reading as an escape to reality, or a tool for learning, but it can be much more.  Reading can be a positive power of suggestion, a tool to make you achieve your potential.

So, next time you pick up that book (or magazine, or whatever) – are you feeding your brain a healthy diet?

When Quitting is the Right Option

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Stop

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I used to obsess about stuff – a book, a project …  By obsess I mean, that when I started something I had to finish it, no matter if I was enjoying it or not – in my mind, if I started, I must finish.  I read many books that I disliked or bored me to death, just because I started them.  Some people may think, “well that is not so bad; I wish I could finish stuff.”   It is bad when it sends you thru the path of a wrong career, and in the middle of your studies, you know it is the wrong path, but you keep on, because you started and must finish.  It is bad, when you doubt your instincts, your inner voice, because you must finish what you started, even when you know that may not be the right thing or path for you.  It is bad, when something that you enjoyed when you started it, does not fit your goals or persona anymore, but you must finish because you never leave things unfinished.

There are many instances when quitting is the right option, and maybe the only option, if you want to move ahead.  When something does not lift your spirit anymore and becomes a burden, maybe it is time to take a look and ask why?  Answering why is important because it will let you know if it is just a temporary stale situation, or if you have gone on the wrong direction, and must adjust your step, or stop walking on that direction entirely.  Sometimes, it is just a matter of perspective, and there is no need to quit; other times, quitting will be necessary for growth.

When I realized that doing something just for the sake of doing it, without meaning, without direction, without desire or passion, or without love, that is when I stopped reading the book that bored me half way, working at the wrong career, and just doing things that killed my spirit.  However, before you quit, you have to know your new direction, you have to know where you are headed, and be sure of the why; otherwise, you may regret it.

So, when is quitting the right option?  When you know that continuing in that path will only hurt your spirit, your self, your soul, and when you have the answer to the question Why? … and when you know that you have a sense of where your next path begins – even when sometimes, you may not know right away where it will take you.  However, before you quit, you must first turn around, and STOP!

Pairing Down to Discover Yourself

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The Queen of Hearts, from a 1901 edition of Mo...

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It started with a desire to de-clutter my surroundings and get rid of everything – this is when I knew that I was headed towards simplifying my life and spiritual transformation.  A friend once called me  “the queen of everything” since I loved everything charming and cozy and my home was resembling “The Brass Lantern” – a local store that is filled with the most precious trinkets and magical things, a favorite of both.

The desire for simplifying started in my closet, and moved on to the entire house, luckily coinciding with our decision to move to Virginia, to a simpler life, which made it easier to get rid of much stuff.  The result was – being able to pack everything we own in a medium size hauler, the kind you use for transporting one car, I think an 8×16 or so.  I was happy with that, but during the de-cluttering, I found myself longing for true purpose and undergoing a spiritual search – I’m still working on that.

During the process, I found a few things about the stuff I owned and its relation to the person I was becoming.  First, I was amazed at the amount of stuff I had, although my home has always been very organized and neat.  I learned  that you can have tons of clutter neatly organized.  Eddie has always been a minimalist, and I guess his love for me tolerated my insanity.  However, he discovered that he was getting attached to stuff, and had some issues with letting go of some of it.  My insanity silently had made its way to the minimalist I married over 24 years ago.

Second, I learned that much of that stuff was not me anymore, but I kept it throughout the years.  In a way, I had outgrown my possessions, and the stuff did not suit the persona anymore.

Third, knowing what I knew now, and the evolution I was undergoing – from Queen of everything to Princess of Bare to Basics – made it easier to get rid of much of my stuff – a ton of it.  Understanding that it was better to live surrounded by the things that I truly loved made it easier as well.  I only kept what I loved and had meaning and let the rest go.

If you find yourself on this path, it makes it easier when you approach the path to a simple life from the point of view of the new you and the relation of that persona to the things you own – this will lead you to keep the things that you truly love and are meaningful and get rid of the rest.

There is one organization that is in need of donations and you can schedule a pick up online – The United War Veterans Council (UWVC).  Their website to schedule a pick up is http://www.uwvcpickup.org/  and you can also call this number 1-888-821-UWVC(8982).   In that way, your pairing down serves a purpose as well.

Think, Speak, and Do, but Love

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Some people may not agree with me on this, but our entire existence is based on three words – Think, Speak, and Do.  These words shape our present, and with it, our past and future.  I have realized that where I am is a result of those three words.  What I think, and how I think has much input in how I conduct myself and in the way I choose to live my life.  What I think, is in part shaped by what I read, see, and entertain in my mind; however, my interpretation of it also bares weight. Visualization is rooted in what I think, so I better think positive to visualize a great future or outcome.  However, it goes deeper than that, because what I think and visualize NOW is what really counts.

What I speak, what comes out of my mouth, also shapes my present.  If I speak negativity, I should not expect positive results.  When I call myself dumb or idiot it is shaping the image that I have of myself and the one that I will present to the world.  The words that I utter, aloud or silently, are powerful.

What I do, the actions I take, are highly influenced by what I think and what I have spoken to myself or to others.  Action is always preceded by thought.  However, many times, it may seem as if we do the opposite – Do we really?

If I think and speak positive, I must still take action to be able to enjoy all the great opportunities coming my way, and grab them as they present themselves.  Think, Speak, and Do interrelate to shape my life.  However, there is a word that will change greatly what I think, speak, and do – LOVE.

When I think, speak, and do with Love, things take a different meaning.  Doing things lovingly really makes a different in how I view my day, my life.  This is why we hear people say, “Do what you love and you will be successful, the rest will come …”  This is why when I like something very much I say – “I love chocolate or coffee …” It is why we can say to our loved ones “I love you.”  I can think, speak, and do all the positivity until I am all pumped up to take on the world, however, if I don’t use a genuine loving approach, I can only go so far.

There was a time when I worried much about all kinds of things – career, money, knowledge, long to do lists, information, image … the list goes on and on.  One day, out of a series of unfortunate events, I realized that all it matter was how I dealt with that big four letter word during my existence – LOVE.  Now, I still care about those things, but in a loving way.

Memories of Sandy, the Black and White Pig

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Pig in Sno village

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Lately, Sandy has popped in my mind.  Sandy was a black and white pig with whom I had a childhood friendship.  I saw him grow up since he was a baby pig.  I have memories of conversations with Sandy; early in the morning I ran to his pen and talked to him.  The funny thing is that he seemed to listen, or at least I thought  he did – we had an understanding.

One morning, I went to say hello as usual, but Sandy wasn’t there.  I ran screaming to my grandmother, who told me he must have gone out at night.  I believed her.  The next day, I went to the local country store who was a few steps from home.  I used to run there barefooted at times – out of childhood laziness.  Since I knew the shop owner, I went thru the back entrance, sometimes.  That day, I did.  There, laying on the floor I saw my Sandy – he was dead, but I knew it was him.  I started screaming and crying, and they had to take me home.  They told me it wasn’t him, but I knew him well.  Those memories are so alive in my mind, and as I write this post, tears are flowing.

I write this post, first, because I realized that after more than 40 years, I have to let go of Sandy, and keep only the good memories.  Second, to let you know that you may have your own Sandy (whatever that may be), that needs closure – even when you don’t know it, or have not known it for many years.  If one day, you find yourself reminiscing about your own Sandy, don’t discard your memories as foolish, they popped up for a reason.  Reminisce and take care of some doors that have been left open for years.  Oil up the hinges and close them gently.  As artists, we don’t know what may hinder our creativity.

Today, as I write this post, I think of my beloved Sandy in a different way.

Is it Fear of Failure or Fear of Success?

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Figure 20 from Charles Darwin's The Expression...

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As artists/writers we have heard how important it is to learn to deal with rejection.  Simply, it is part of the path we take.  Many books have been written about rejection.  We recognize rejection as part of the growth process and almost embrace it.  However, we are not so happy with the concept of failure.  We avoid failure, we fear it, and we want no part of it.  The fear of failure is paralyzing for some people, for others, it may be the fuel that propels them to keep excelling at what they do – we react differently in various circumstances.  These people, whether paralyzed or excelling, have something in common – the fear of failure.  However, there is a third group, which I am very aware of, simply because I found myself in that group once.

This third group thinks that they are afraid of failure; however, this is not the case.  The real fear has been disguised as fear of failure, but on the contrary, it is not failure what this groups fear – it is success.  Fear of success can be as paralyzing as the fear to fail.

Fear of success may be a personal issue and rooted in your childhood, or on any other phase of your life.  It is very hard to spot, and that is why it may hide itself as fear of failure or even of rejection.  Fear of success may involve being afraid of new things or new responsibilities, or even of the spot light and recognition that comes with success, in many cases.  The issue is personal.  If you think that you are afraid of failure, ask yourself why.  Ask again, and again … until you can’t ask no more; the answer may surprise you, as it did me.

Once in the open, your fear has no where else to hide and you can look at it straight, understand it, accept it, and move on.  Once you do this, it will never have the power to paralyze you, because it has been exposed.

So, is it fear of failure or fear of success?

The binding of Age

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Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909.

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If you grew up as I did, most likely, you will have the imprinted belief that as soon as you hit 40, you are going down hill.  I have seen a few over the hill greeting cards that seem to cater to that frame of thought.  Believing that this is the case, is a very dangerous thing because it binds you to certain expectations throughout your life.  Certain things should have happened before you turned 45, and if they have not, most likely you will abandon certain goals, and will end up feeling a failure.  What a sick belief!

The truth is that no one knows how long they will live and most people may live to their late eighties.  In this case, being 40, for example, is having half or more of your life to live.  This is not the time to abandon goals or feeling as a failure; on the contrary, it is the time to make them real and with more “gusto” since you have already enjoyed many years of being traditionally “young.”

Age is in your mind;  it is a matter of how your mind is set and of how it has been programmed all these years.  Yes, there are some physical changes on the outside, but the “you” inside the shell knows better.  No one likes wrinkles or the physical changes that come with age; if they did, plastic surgery and beauty aides would not exist.  I myself, am not a fan of wrinkles.  However, I have met young people who act as 90 year olds, and 80 year olds who act as if they were 25.  For those 80 year olds that still see a bright life ahead of them, age is just a number, and age does not bind them to any “society expectations” – they are the masters of their lives.

The Power of Change

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Cover page cuverture Turning the Tide On Clima...

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I have met people who do not like change.  They simply don’t like things around them to be different, whether change is for the better or not.  There is risk in change – the unknown.  For some people, this is scary; simply put, they prefer the known to the unknown.  The known comforts them.

I welcome change, whether good or bad, if there is such a thing as bad change.  I believe that when we see our circumstances to be changing for the worst, it is just a matter of perception.  Change always bring something new and different.  With this, it brings the opportunity for new challenges, growth, and new lessons.  It brings the chance – requested or unrequested – of creating something new of the experience or change.  In a way, change is creation.  Change is always forward, even when it is perceived as a step backwards.

Some people may disagree with me on this.  For example, if you were to lose everything you own, you would perceive this as a negative change in your life.  However, this could be the best opportunity for you to start anew, to create a second life, an exciting opportunity.  Yes, no one thinks of being in that situation, and I don’t know of anyone that would consciously welcome it; however, many people in today’s economy have gone thru similar change.  The perception of this change is what will make them powerless or powerful individuals.  This is the power of change.

Designing Your Life Map

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A treasure map

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I have to admit that I love lists.  Yeah, I make all kinds of lists.  Therefore, to me, goal setting comes natural, it’s been like that for long.  I find that most things that I put in writing somehow get done, or play it that way – even when I think I have forgotten about them.  One thing that I have indulged on recently, is creating a life map.  This is not with the purpose of tracking or carving each step on stone, but more as a fun way to visualize the things that I would like to carry out and showcase my interests at a particular stage of life.  We all know that interests change and it is important to allow these changes.

Your life map can be an inspirational tool and it can include pictures or take the shape of an actual map that you create – this is the fun part.  It can also follow a timeline or a series of steps – just as a treasure map would.  I find it makes goal setting more interesting and helps you focus as you look at it everyday and see the big picture plastered in front of you.  It is the inspiration to do what you have to do everyday – what you know you have to do – even when people around you may not understand it as you do.

Next time you sit down to check or write some goals , try this method and see how you like it.