goals

The Mausoleum Writer

/ inkspeare

This post was inspired by a postcard that my husband received in yesterday’s mail.  It was a promotional card for buying your own mausoleum.  The card is truly cute and kind of happy for such death talk.  It is colorful and direct to the point, and I thought that the message was delivered in a smart sassy way and pushed the right buttons – family – significant other – guilt.  The words Always and Alone are written in a fun aqua font so talking about the creepy topic is not so creepy, and that leaving the ones that you Always loved Alone to take care of the arrangements, is taken care ahead of time.  This marketing card is going to get noticed for certain – look at me, I’m writing about it on this blog.  It stands out from other too serious and “party of life poopers” promotional/marketing ads for funerals and mausoleums.  The funny thing is that my husband and I have not even reached the age of 50 yet.  But this got me thinking.  Once you are over the hill, society starts thinking of your funeral, assisted living or nursing home care, life insurance, reversible mortgages … and so on, the promotional/marketing literature keeps on coming, because this is how you are seen, with just a few steps closer to one of those alternatives.

This got me thinking some more – do I view myself in the same light?  The answer to that question was a bit conflicting and this is why.  I, for certain, don’t feel closer to a mausoleum or a nursing home, on the contrary, I feel young, healthy, and with much yet to live and do.  On the other side, realizing that I passed forty and fifty is in the horizon, brings a sense of urgency to my projects and things that I want to accomplish before hitting the mausoleum or the nursing home.  I have read more than once, that starting a writing career in your forties, is starting a bit late, and for that matter, any other ventures that may require time ahead of you.  I have never agreed with that philosophy.  I think that each one of us goes on a journey, and the time is right when the time is right, and opportunities abound at each bent of road.  The important thing is to follow your call, live your dream, and love what you do, but do it – no matter what age you happen to be.

I resent being told what to expect at any age, and I don’t  like to be told what to do about it either.  I am far from a procrastinator; however, I believe that there is a time for everything under the sun, and the sun keeps shining until my last breath – and that is when I would become the Mausoleum Writer.

Here is a picture of the Happy Death Card.

 

The front of the card.

This is the back of it.  I hid the business name, but you can see the sense of urgency, the pretty and happy font, and tons of marketing psychology in between the lines.

 

We had a good chuckle.  Do you think that you are too old for a writing career?

 

 

 

What to do When You are on Hold

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This is a topic that best relates to people who might be going through significant changes in their lives or careers – I am one of those people.  I can say that when your life is in transition, that middle spot where you try to “hold it together” may seem as if you have been put “on hold” for a while, despite of the changes occurring and new plans taking shape.  When there is such “in between,” restlessness and impatience can happen because your excitement to start the new phase is making you anxious to move on with your plans already; however, many times, the “in between” extends (sometimes long) and you may feel idling on empty.  New projects have to wait, and old and current ones may seem stale or boring.  That is because you have outgrown the current phase, and are eager to move on to the next one.  The problem is that when you are “on hold” there is always the risk of becoming uninspired or loosing interest, as if you might be falling backwards.  So, how to fight this feeling?  What to do when you are “on hold?”

The best way is to keep working on your current projects, however learning new things.  One way in which I try to keep inspired is by using the transitional period to plan and craft a set of new projects and a new territory chart.  Making an open plan for when the transition is over, will help you become inspired and keep you away from feeling restless or anxious.  If the changes are in a 360 degree way, then there is plenty in which you can plan, chart your steps, and educate yourself on new matters.  It is the perfect time to craft the foundation of your new endeavor and to work on some projects for when the ball starts rolling.  You will be ahead of time.

Starting a new lifestyle?  Moving to another state or country?  Starting a new business or line of work?  Undergoing a total change?  Think of all the things that will be new to you and start learning about them.  Being “on hold” can actually be grounding and work to your advantage.  Soon, you will find that there are more things to learn and plan for than there are hours in your day.  It becomes exhilarating!  You may find yourself wishing for more “in between” time.

Why Can’t I Have my Cake and Eat it Too?

/ inkspeare / 4 Comments

I have never been able to understand the expression “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”  It doesn’t make sense to me, and I always end up thinking “Why can’t I?”  Although it may mean that you cannot have your cake intact or whole and eat it at the same time, referring to wanting the best of two worlds or wanting more than you can handle, or even having it both ways, a popular phrase, I still think that it is possible to have your cake and eat it too.  It is all on the approach to whatever “the cake” means to you.

The way I see it, when we practice mindfulness, we can have the cake and eat it, one bite/moment at a time, and that makes a huge difference.  When we multitask or want it all at once, the expression might make sense; however, when we learn to enjoy every bite, as tiny as it may be, we are able to savor the cake while appreciating it at the same time.  Picture a whole delicious cake (your favorite), and take a whole chunk out of it, or many at once, it is not whole anymore, it doesn’t resemble the original cake.  Now, take the same cake and with a spoon or fork, pick up a bit of frosting or ganache, and dig a little deep deeper, enjoying every bite.  Now, look at it, it still resembles the original cake.  You are having your cake and you are eating it too, one delicious small bite at a time, minding every bite.  Apply this to life, the cake representing your dream or goal.

The above metaphor tells you that without celebrating the journey, things may feel a bit incomplete or hollow.  I realized this later in life because I always thought that I was supposed to celebrate when I reached the pinnacle.  It is what I was taught in school and how I was socialized – the journey doesn’t count.  It is how most of us are raised and socialized.  The way I see it now, without the journey and the celebration of it, the last stop, the pinnacle, may seem a bit empty once I arrive.  I also know that the pinnacle is only one part of the whole journey.

We have a choice; we can rush eating the cake or we can eat it slowly and enjoy every bite while still seeing the big picture.  Many times the journey is what makes the destination worthwhile.

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger – Does It?

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South Padre Island: A person takes advantage o...

South Padre Island: A person takes advantage of the early morning for peace and quiet. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How many times have you heard the phrase “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger?”  Probably countless of times, and usually from someone who is going through rough times.  I always agreed with it, that is, until I had to say it.  The issue with it is that it doesn’t tell the story.  It assumes that the person will have a quick recovery from what almost “killed” him or her.  The truth is that unless that person struggles and fights to stay afloat and takes action to become stronger, that person can become paralyzed, stuck, traumatized, and remain a “living dead,” broken and far away from being “strong.”

What if you went through a significant circumstance in your life which marked you in a way that although you know you have to keep going, it has become very hard to do so?  You may stay alive but with little to no strength to fight.  This may apply to different situations.  One thing that I have learned is that what doesn’t affect someone may paralyze another – we respond and deal with situations in our own way.  The struggle can be brief, or long, and the longer it takes, the outcome becomes either,

  • you become paralyzed in your own situation and fear – and stay iddling,
  • or you come out a bit wrinkled, tossed, teared, just as a thin piece of paper, but those creases are what made you hold on and keep it together.

In either case, you must take a step to come out.

Pondering about this, and notebook in hand, this is what I was inspired to write.

One way in which you can become stronger is by,

  • Asking for help – the kind that you might need, whether professional, financial, spiritual, from a friend …  However, there is so much that outside support can help, and you must help yourself.
  • Pick yourself up.  Get dressed everyday, take care of your physical appearance, force yourself to look your best even if you don’t feel like doing so.  It is easier to wear your pajamas all day than taking the time and effort to look yourself in the mirror and work on your image.  This is only one of the pieces in the mirror that you might have to pick up.
  • Talk to your spiritual source – the fountain of your inspiration and divinity, whatever you may call it.
  • When you wake up in the morning, just say Hello.  It means that you are still here and ready to try once more.  If you happen to believe in a Divinity, then you are also greeting the divine source, and if you don’t, you are greeting the world in which you are waking up.  One more day, one more opportunity or thousands of them.
  • Love the people and pets that you hold dear to you.  Appreciate them and watch them be, and be grateful that they are in your life.
  • Pick up your environment, your home, and make it pretty again.  Right now, where you are is your home.  Clean, yes clean, as you clean on the outside, you are cleaning in the inside.
  • Talk to people and share, whether in person, phone, or online.  A bit of isolation helps you find yourself, but eventually you must emerge.
  • Do things one at a time.  Do things with loving care, taking time and minding them.  Don’t try to multitask.
  • Every night when the lights are out, in silence, give thanks for whatever you are thankful that day.  This is not so much to thank the divine or the universe but to acknowledge the good in your life, and make room for more blessings in your heart.  You will have more blessings, but for that, you have to make room in your heart.
  • As for your purpose, to each its own, and all it is, is a plan to make you happy – the ultimate goal.  Now go on, blessed be your life and the ones under your wings.

 

The Elusiveness of Success

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A carpenters' ruler with centimetre divisions

A carpenters’ ruler with centimetre divisions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At one point or another, we think about success, about how “successful” we are in our lives or endeavors.  The problem with measuring success is that we usually measure it against an ideal set up by society or against the success of others in our circle or people whom we admire and consider successful.  It is no surprise that most people would consider themselves unsuccessful and may feel a bit discouraged or sad about their stagnant lives or careers.  Little do we know that we are looking in the wrong direction and we are using the wrong measuring stick.

The question is, if we want to be successful (success is defined here as feeling realized and whole) why are we looking outwards when we should be looking inwards?  Why use the success of others as a measuring stick when we are our own “self” with unique dreams and goals, feelings about those dreams and goals, and a sense of where we want to be, whether clear or not at the moment.

Maybe it is that we are taught (since early age) to look at role models not so much in admiration but as imitation.  When we are asked the question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” we are being asked, “who do you want to be like?”  If we happen to give the wrong answer, our parents or caretakers will offer a better suggestion – “why not becoming a – fill the blank – instead?”  And the quest for success starts.

I think that society needs role models, but not at the expense of creativity and individuality.  Role models fuel dreams, mentors inspire.  All that is good; however, it is sad that today we look to Hollywood to find role models, when we might have one in our backyards (and that is not to say that there aren’t any role models in Hollywood, because there are).  Without sounding preachy, let’s go back to the topic of success and why it may seem so elusive.

“Why don’t I feel successful?”  This is a good question to ask ourselves.  It focuses on the individual and his/her feelings, which is an inward point of view.  The minute we focus our answer outwards, there lies the problem (the culprit).  A possible answer could be – “Because I have not found an agent or a publisher yet” or “Because I don’t have much money” or “Because my art is not selling well enough” or “Because I am no Stephenie Meyer or Bill Gates” and it could go on and on …  These are examples of answers that point outwards and offer the wrong measuring stick.  The feelings of inadequacy that you might be experiencing may not be yours at all but rooted into the illusion of becoming like someone else, and that in itself is denying your own individuality (in a sense).  And this is why success is so elusive for most of us – because looking inwards is not that easy, and it is not what we were taught as we grew up.

So today, look inwards, take account of all your efforts, and see how far you have come, and celebrate that.  It is the first step to feeling successful and capturing the elusive butterfly.  Greatness comes from within and it becomes when it is directed to the service of others.

Weed Out the Dead Stuff – It is all a Death Trap

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“This is a great idea!” – we have thought at one point or another.  It may be a good idea, but good ideas are sometimes, not well received or are ahead of their time.  Pride in what we do is great; however, pride should not block our vision, stalling our future.  Simply put, “try it, give it some time, and if it doesn’t work, weed it out.”  This is something that I’ve learned with time.  The problem is when we are so emotionally and intellectually attached to our work/idea that we forget to evaluate its performance and choose to ignore the fact that it is not yielding the results we expected.  You may spend years pushing a project, to find out that it was time to let it go, years back.  Just because a good idea is not ready for the now, doesn’t mean that it is rendered obsolete or useless.  It may have a good reception in the future.  An idea or project may be ahead of its time, so if you have given a good and honest try to something and it is not working out for you, put it aside, and revisit it in the future, or not.

Weeding out all the dead stuff is a way of opening room for new ideas and opportunities.  It hurts to let go of a project, especially when we spend a lot of time, energy, money, commitment, and emotional interest in it; however, not weeding out the dead stuff might end up crushing your spirit, impeding growth as an artist and as a human being.  This is a death trap for the soul.

For many of us, letting go of a project or putting it aside is synonym of failure.  I disagree; on the contrary, recognizing the need to move and rearrange ideas and projects will lead to success.  Success is defined by how you feel about the results, and not by what society tells you success is – which is usually money or status.  We are so conditioned to “the persevere-never quit mentality” that we fail to recognize when things are not working out.  If you are passionate about something, pursue it, but keep your gardening gloves on, and weed out everything that is not contributing to that dream’s growth; only then, it can flourish.  In the garden of your dreams, time is precious, don’t waste it trying to revive dead roses; instead, plant new ones.  (Could not resist ending this post with that cheesy line).

When Misery Loves Company

/ inkspeare / 2 Comments
Finger pointing

Image via Wikipedia

We have heard this line many times – “Misery loves company.”  It is a very damaging way to live by.  Why?  When we sulk in our misery and surround ourselves with people who feel the same way, we are becoming victims of whatever situation it is that we sulk about and prolong.  Some people may even live a lifetime this way.  They have become victims and most likely, blame another for their misfortune.

I wholehearted believe that I cannot blame anyone for whatever happens in my life, because ultimately, I make the decisions, whether these are decisions that I make or think I have to make, but is not what I would like to do – in any case, I always decide, like it or not; therefore, there is no assigning blame.  When I fully understood this truth, I became free.  I saw that no matter the circumstances, I chose and that meant accepting responsibility for those decisions – positive and negative.

When we say ” it is ______ (fill the blank) fault, we are closing the door to growth.  Only by understanding that you are responsible for every path taken, and letting go of blame, there can be growth.  For some people, this is difficult to accept and they don’t want to be reminded of it.  If you do, they will find something wrong with you to be able to refute this truth, whether it is your lack of experience in certain area or life situation or something else.  For them, this is ground for invalidation of what you have to say.  Many times, that same “lack” is what helps you be neutral and understand many points of view.  Keep playing the same misery song and you will keep dancing the same misery dance.  If you don’t change the tunes, don’t expect your feet to move at a different rhythm.  That is what I say.

The artist/writer is many times, misunderstood and labeled.  Many artists/writers know that there is a price to pay when they chose to welcome creativity and change in their lives, specially when others don’t understand their art or path.  They may be accused of daydreaming, having unrealistic expectations, not working, being too emotional … and many other things, tons of other things.  If you find yourself wanting your dream very much and on the path to make it real, to survive this you must avoid becoming discouraged by what others may or may not think of you and you must work your dream against the odds.  Most important, don’t invite company to celebrate misery, because misery loves company, and growth will stop.

The Inevitability of Change – Accepting Change

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Some people don’t like change, others associate change with negative things, mostly because they are very comfortable with the current situation or stage in life, and they view change as a disruption.  “If it is not broken, don’t fix it” they may say.  When change is abrupt,and fast it leaves little or no time for this.  Change may be good or bad, however, it is always change.  The only thing that you can control about it is your reaction – accepting change.

Change is inevitable, and it offers an opportunity for movement and growth – whether it is disrupting or good change, either way you must claim your place in life – either embrace it and grow or fight it until you have no more strength – change is inevitable; it is part of our nature.  We go through change since our conception in the womb and it continues until we die – and God knows what else is beyond that, more change?

Change can be sudden, or it can be gradual, the later easier to swallow and embrace, the first, full of punch and invigorating, both regenerative, leaving a sense of renewal in the end.  The greatest thing about change is that no matter how it comes and how it may feel at the moment, it is evolving, and never stalls – that in itself is good.  If change for you represents your darkest hour, find comfort in that – everything shall pass, and it leaves experience, and growth if you choose to accept/embrace it.

Change is inevitable; it is our nature.

Heavy Heart? How Much can it Hold?

/ inkspeare
Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909.

Image via Wikipedia

February is around the corner, and I can’t help but think about Valentine’s Day; must of us do, at least if the holiday is part of your culture. The sweets are everywhere, the cupids are in full view, and the roses are in full bloom in the store shelves. The other day, my husband came home  with the cutest Valentine mug full of Dove chocolates – he knows I love coffee and he told me “you don’t have one of these.” I have enjoyed the little chocolate treats from time to time, and I love to read the sweet message inside the wrapper. I read one that stuck with me – “Discover how much your heart can hold” – it read. That tiny Dove chocolate heart was an epiphany.

Huh, I thought; I have never asked myself that question before.  I wonder, how much can my heart hold?  The answer is as inspiring as it is scary.  Why?  Because it touches on the essence of being human; on how much can we love, and how much we can  hate, and all the other emotions and feelings in between – from Awe, Bliss, and Beauty, to Fear, Doubt, and Heartbreak.  In physiology, the heart can take a beating, and eventually, one day, it will give up.  In terms of emotions and feelings, the heart is so much more amazing, stronger, and stretchable.  (I know, it is all about the brain and its electrical connections, but bare with me for the purpose of this post).

While pondering about the message in the Dove chocolate wrapper, I realized that the only way to know the answer to that is to live life, to live one heartbeat at a time.  Only thru living, the heart will continue to expand, to hold all the humanity and spirituality that life presents its keeper.  So, how much can the heart hold?  It is different for every person, as it is life and the things we let ourselves experience.  We can live minute by minute, or we can live heartbeat by heartbeat – it is up to us.  We can live life going thru the motions, at the beat of the clock, or we can find a true heartbeat in everything we do.  We can expand the capacity of our heart to hold as much as we want, as we allow, and many times, as much as we need.  As far as I’m concerned, every heartbeat counts, you don’t have to climb Mount Everest to get your rush, but if you want to do it, that is wonderful, as it is the way you want to live as you stretch your heart.

How much can your heart hold?  It is up to you to discover it.