Mental Health

A Poor Mentality

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A poor mentality has little to do with money. It relates to vision, how we see the world and relate to it, and that world encompasses our past, present, and future. Our past shapes much of our personality traits but does not determine who we are. Its influence marks us but does not make us. Depending on our past experiences, we view the world as a battlefield or a field of flowers. Simply put, some people had it better than other people; however, that does not determine who we become ultimately. It does influence how we view our present and future, and the struggles we seem to endure, many real, other self-created. If we have developed a poor mentality, our vision will be cloudy and we will be in constant struggle, no matter our true reality.

Not long ago, I had a conversation with someone who struggles with a poor mentality despite blessings. This person was telling me how difficult things are financially, and overall, complaining about life in general. I listened, trying to understand this person’s point of view about the situation. I understood that this person had life challenges but also was very blessed at the same time. Knowing part of this person’s net worth I decided to bring some focus to the overall reality, hoping to ease some of the anxiety. I said, ” I don’t know how much money is in your bank account, but I can tell you about the assets you have that I am aware of, and for what I can tell, your real estate net worth is close to two million dollars according to real estate market value right now, possibly more. “ (I had a RE license when I was younger). This person remained a bit quiet, then said, “Do you think so?” I answered, “I know so, and that is only your properties’ market value, which are already paid in full, and you own straight.” That was the end of that, because this person totally dismissed the information I had just shared and continued to complain about how unfair life was. I was puzzled, but I offered my ears. I also knew that this person made double what my husband and I made monthly. This conversation was an eye opener for me. I understood that a poor mentality will keep your mind captive, jailed, and close the doors to much more than opportunity but also to joy, gratefulness, and in a way, to reality.

I share this real example because it truly shows how dangerous a poor mentality can be, and how blinding as well. It causes us to believe that our hands are tied when the solution is in front of us. It makes us victims when we are blessed. It robs our happiness when we have plenty to be grateful and happy about. It darkens our days. It shuts our mind. It dampens our spirit. It makes us believe what is not real and robs us of hope and much more.

Survival Mode

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The topic of survival is one that I have included in my novels. It is interesting to see how survival can bring out the best or worst in people. It separates heroes from the not so good characters. So is in real life, although I believe that there is redemption for everyone. When a person is in survival mode, it forces the individual to act one way or the other; it brings about the truth of that person. In other words, you cannot fake it when you are in survival mode. It forces you to be what you already are. It shows a person’s true colors.

I will venture to say that in today’s USA, many people are in survival mode, probably more people than we realize. Younger generations are having a tough time keeping up with a very high and unrealistic cost of living and many people are working two plus jobs and hardly making it. Young couples simply cannot afford giving birth because hospital care is simply unaffordable. Food prices, daycare costs, and rent or home prices are truly out of reach for most of the younger generation. It is simple very different from what it was for other generations. In simple words, this generation is being hit from all angles. Most politicians fail to see the struggle, or they are simply not in touch with reality out there. People are struggling to keep a roof over their head and put food on the table, even the most frugal people. Most of Americans are in survival mode. Many people are truly doing all they can, working all they can, and cutting costs as much as they can, and they are still not making it. The disparage and disproportion between wages, education, and labor is ridiculous. The middle class is slowly disappearing in this country. It is easy to put a blindfold and label a generation of being lazy without considering all factors and influences at play.

I have always been an observer by nature. How many times have I witnessed someone at the supermarket leave just a few groceries because the card did not take? How many times have I heard a mother tell her child, “Sorry honey, we don’t have enough for “this” today;” “this” being a food item, not a toy? How many times have I witnessed someone staring blank at the insane prices in the meat isle at the supermarket, a hopeless stare followed by bypassing the product section, or even putting groceries back? I can tell you more examples, from couples quietly arguing about food, to older people with less than five items in the food cart, oh, so much more. Food is a basic need, and people can’t even eat in what we call the richest country in the world. Many people are in denial, but that is just a coping mechanism when you are or are about to be in survival mode.

If you have ever been in survival mode and have come through, you know well that there is a lesson to be learned from all of it, and most likely, you recognize that lesson. Most likely, you come out with a sense of gratefulness, stronger, and wiser. Most likely, you have learned about yourself, your true self, and the things that are not to be taken for granted anymore. Most likely, there is a sense of renewal and hope, of clarity and inner peace, and a healthy dose of pride after surviving the event. Having experienced survival mode at one time in my life, I can say that faith is an important component to make it through, that is, faith in yourself, and faith in a higher power. Don’t forget to count your blessings because they are many, in any circumstance.

It is About Focus and Faith

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While researching, I came across the following quote, which inspired this blogpost.

“Dictatorships are one-way streets. Democracy boasts two-way traffic.” Alberto Moravia

While reading the above quote, these poetic lines came to mind.

A People’s Will

Soaring above, keen eye, unsteady flight

Eagle must rest on steady land.

Time to choose,

One way street or two-way traffic.

Alberto Moravia was an Italian writer, whom I am not familiar with or have read any of his works; however, this quote stuck with me. It inspired the following.

Many times, people become discouraged by the current political environment. It might affect people in many different ways, whether mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. There are many things we cannot control directly; however, we can always control how we react to certain issues, events, and our environment. When we focus on what we can control in our daily lives, our focus change, and so does our response and attitude. What I write here, I have applied myself.

Here are examples of controllables. These controllables apply to many of the issues that we might be experiencing under less than pleasant conditions.

I can control,

A healthy diet and exercise

All my decisions

How I decide to start my day and end it

My thoughts

My spending

My relationship with God

My reaction to the people I interact with, or whom I choose to include in my circle

How I choose to view each challenge/problem

How I manage all my resources

How I choose to live my life

My degree of gratitude each day

What I give my time and effort to

The battles I choose to fight or not

How I view my space, my home, my possessions, with gratitude or not

How I value my life

The priorities and values I set daily

How I manage my time and money

My dreams

My expectations of myself, others, and life

The guilt I put on myself and others

What I let into my mind and space

The physical things I surround myself with

How I treat myself (level of respect, love and understanding) as well as others.

These are only a few controllables, but in my opinion and experience, the most important ones, and the ones that will help center our focus when times are not what we expect or desire.

Assuming an Identity in the New Year

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I have to become before I become. As I wrote a few things that I want to accomplish this year, the thought crossed my mind. I may develop a detail plan, but it truly does not mean anything unless I start modeling behavior, acting as the person I want to become in order to achieve the target goal. I have to become, in my mind and in my doing, the person I want to eventually become. To illustrate, I will use a simple example, a common goal that most people set – to save x amount of money by a certain day. In order to do that, I have to act as a saver. I have to become/model the behavior of a saver, a person who saves money. I have to act/be what I want to become in order to achieve what I want to achieve. That is just a simple example, but depending on how many layers a goal might have, that will determine how many identities I might have to assume in order to make it real.

As a writer, writing characters, identities, personality traits … become second nature. Eventually, by repeating a specific behavior that is required to achieve a specific result/outcome will become second nature as well. Just as a character grows and develops throughout the pages of a story, so do we, when we model what we want to become. With each layer, each modeled behavior, we grow from one initial step to the next, and so on, just as a character grows/evolves from chapter to chapter or a series.

Depending on the complexity of a goal, that is how many identities one might have to assume. Going back to the example of saving money, I will evolve it to a few more layers, let’s say, saving x amount (first layer) to pay debt (second layer) in order to build wealth (third layer) for a safer future (fourth layer). There are a few layers on this financial goal.

Goal layers – Identity/behavior

Saving money = Saver

Debt free = Frugal person/conscientious of spending

Build wealth = Spend less than you earn/Financially literate

Safer future = Wealth manager/manage money wisely

In each level of progress, a new identity emerges that the previous identity will support; it all interrelates and works together, but without “acting out the part,” without becoming or modeling the appropriate behavior, nothing will happen. Many times, we become overwhelmed by looking at the outcome first, but in reality, it is much manageable and real when we just look at the first step/ the first behavior, and let it evolve from there.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2 (NKJV)

“And have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him.” Colossians 3:10 (NKJV)

Photo by M.A.D.

The Simple Life _ Healthy Living

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In learning to live a simpler life, I had to become a bit more mindful about my health, physical, mental, and even spiritual. A switch in lifestyle required me to do more physical work than what I was accustomed to, and to realize what things I could not perform as well anymore due to age and a lifetime of 9-5 and beyond workdays, little time for physical development, along with my dislike of exercise routines and doctor appointments (dislike the term wellness visits). I realized that peaking 60 meant a need for creating a simpler health routine that I could keep. It is as simple as eating as healthy as I can, take vitamins and supplements, and keep on moving, along with my yearly checkup.

A far as what I do, I cook 95 percent of my meals but also, I don’t deprive myself of something I would like that does not fall under my regular nutrition. I don’t pay attention to brands, organic or not; I just cook balanced meals and don’t overeat. Exercise takes the form of chores, some heavier than others, walking, stretching every morning, and staring at a stationary bike when I don’t feel like using it. I am up early, at 5 am and that works well for me. Part of simplifying my way of thinking about exercise was to accept my dislike of it and stop blaming myself and feeling guilty for not liking it. How freeing. My most hated class as a kid in school was physical education; truly hated it. That mental switch made a difference because the battle was over. As a Christian, understanding that our bodies are a temple for the Holy Spirit, also made a difference, hence respect it and treat it as well as you can, so I take care of myself as best as I can.

You can eat well and exercise till’ the cows come home but if you do not take care of your mental health the rest is wasted time and calories. Mentally, I try to keep myself healthy by being aware of what’s going on, reading, making art, taking on projects and learning new things. I don’t welcome negativity in my life, whether in the form of news, people, or propaganda … I don’t like gossip and will stop it at once. That doesn’t make for making many friends. I don’t watch trash on TV anymore; I rather do something else, but still enjoy some TV time (sad that most of it is trash these days). I don’t play the politically correct game and do not compromise my values. I also accept and admit when I am wrong. It keeps my peace of mind. I try to be true to myself and others, but mostly to operate from a place of love and understanding, even when that may seem very hard to do. Understanding to give it all to God when I can’t has made a big difference in my life. I live by Christian values, and in my case (I need to make the distinction) I had to learn to separate Christianity from religious indoctrination/history in order to understand the way – Jesus. In my opinion, if you want to know him better, go straight to the pages of the Bible and read in between the lines as well. It answers the question What would Jesus do? and the answer is always the right one.

It has not happened instantly, but slowly I have made better changes and adjustments in my life in order to live a simpler healthy life. Today, I try to balance those three aspects, but it wasn’t always that way, and it definitely took some time. Living in a healthier way is part of living a simple life, as long as there is a balance of what one likes, believes, cares for, as it honors one’s value system while being respectful of other people who might not think like you.

Simplicity comes in many shapes and form.

How to Stay Balanced When You are Upside Down

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A triangular prism, dispersing light; waves sh...

A triangular prism, dispersing light; waves shown to illustrate the differing wavelengths of light. (Click to view animation) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today, I didn’t want to write about my novel or a writing topic, but instead, I wanted to write about what I was inspired at the moment.  So I asked my Muse, what do you want me to write about today? The title you just read came to mind, so that is what I am writing about this instant.

As someone who has known what this means, I can tell you that it is not easy to hang in there when everything has flipped upside down at one point in your life.  When your world hangs the opposite to your focus, it is easy to be discouraged, throw the towel, and just hang for eternity.  I think that hanging a bit is fine because you need to rest to fix your focus.  You need to rest emotionally, physically, and spiritually, as well as in the material state.  So give yourself time to just be, and let your broken spirit rest.

Once you have rested and pondered on your misery, the moment to make a decision knocks at the door of your heart, and you know that this is the time when you decide to pick yourself up and fix your focus, or maintain a state of hanging, sinking slowly into a deep hole.  Whether the contents of that hole is depression, sadness, anger, hopelessness, inertia, hate, laziness … and many other things, it is different to each individual.  However, when you are hanging upside down, after the rest, you will hear that knock, and you will have to answer.  Whether you start pulling at that rope, lifting yourself up slowly, and appreciating how the image comes back to focus bit by bit, or let the rope go, it is up to you.  One thing is for sure, you need to balance yourself to be able to pull that rope and getting yourself back up.  How is it possible to balance yourself when everything around you seems to be spinning out of control and you hang but by a leg?  It is not easy, but it is possible.  This happens when you rest and give yourself time to focus.

  • First, you need to recognize that you need help – whether from a professional or a best friend, and of course yourself.  Whether you can do this on your own, or need help is personal.
  • Second, you need to recognize that there are no blames in this process.  I truly believe that we are responsible for our own choices, and no one is to blame.
  • Third, you think about what you believe as truth in your life and make a commitment to yourself.
  • Fourth, you learn to view the world upside down for a while, and ponder about it.  What you discover about it may surprise you.
  • Fifth, you learn what your priorities are, and decide to make them your priority or not – knowing that there will be consequences to your decision (positive or negative).
  • Sixth, you accept to deal with those consequences understanding the process.
  • Seventh, you do this slowly, one step at a time.
  • Eight, you remain true to your beliefs and priorities when you start to fix your focus.
  • Ninth, you will discover that some things from your old upside down world, do not go into focus no matter how hard you try, so you will have to let those go, otherwise you will stay out of focus in some areas.  In this process, you will learn to say no.  You will learn that you will have to accept that you cannot please everyone. You will also learn to weigh which opinions matter more to you – others or yours.
  • Tenth, you must accept that no one can live your life but you, and that you cannot live your life according to other’s ideas of what your world should look like.  You have been given a responsibility to manage your life (a gift) and live it as well as you can; however your truths and priorities will guide you here.
  • Eleventh, this is when you start feeling that the image in front of you is just an image, and what matters is how you feel about it and how you live your life in this quasi upside down world.  You make it as straight as you want, and you do it one step at a time, balancing yourself in the process – checking from time to time your beliefs, truths, and priorities.
  • Twelfth, the realization that you are always in control hits you, and suddenly, even that you might be still pulling yourself up as you pull on the rope slowly, trying to straighten your world and fix your focus, you can see that the view upside down and in between is as ugly or beautiful as you make it to be, and that there is always a prism changing colors.

This is what I had to write today.

 

Following Your Bliss

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An emoticon with a smile. For more emoticons i...

Image via Wikipedia

What is bliss?  It is defined as:  supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment.  I define it as finding your balance, your equilibrium.  Each individual’s bliss is different.  And everyone operates at a different level.  Sometimes, we burn ourselves running after what we think will make us happier:  more money, another step on the corporate ladder, a bigger paycheck, or many other ideals.  In our search and journey we realize that something is missing, even when the prize has been obtained.  In the intense focus and chase of our goal, we fell out of balance – we lost our bliss.

Somehow, our prize is not as shiny as we thought it was.  And soon, we set our eyes on another goal, and the race starts all over again.  Setting goals, and planning is great, but we also have to find the balance while achieving them, otherwise we lose appreciation and become empty vessels looking for fulfillment.  So, how do we follow our bliss without ending up tired and disappointed?

Because everyone is unique, there is no recipe or mold.  The answer is within us, and all we have to do is look inside and figure out what makes us, not only happy, but whole.  When we realize what it is, slow and steady steps will take us there, while enjoying the process on the way.  Each day will bring its own rewards, but its challenges, too.

We live on an instant fast-paced society.  Everything was due yesterday.  We are conditioned to react and think fast.  If we want to follow our bliss, we will have to slow down the speed of life, or at least our perception of it (our attention).  When we live mindfully we are slowing down the speed and opening our minds and hearts to what makes us whole and happy.  Some of us, will make radical changes, others, small adjustments.  For some, the climb is steep, for others a small turn in the road.  But the rewards are living a happy and balanced life in harmony with one’s self and the world around us.  What could be better than that?

 

Simplifying Your Life

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Simplifying your life may sound easier than done.  That is because when we decide to (truly) simplify our lives, the process has percolated in the spiritual sense.  Something has happened on the inside that is starting to manifest on the outside.  The truth is that we do not recognize this; we just feel the desire of simplifying our material lives and this is where we usually start.  Suddenly, we start decluttering our home and environments in which we spend most of our time.  We declutter our desk, closets, attic … and the healing begins.  This is necessary to make space on our cluttered minds and hearts to welcome the things that are needed for our healing.  This is a personal process, for some people, it takes longer than for others, and you arrive at this cleansing stage on your own terms and in different circumstances.  The important issue is that you arrive and let the growth begin.

What started as material decluttering suddenly transforms into spiritual decluttering as well, and the path’s design is personal – unique to you.  Each one of us are here on a journey – whether a short or long journey.  Many times, people watching you from the outside do not understand this much-needed cleansing and may think that you are going nuts, even try to dissuade you to hold on to your stuff – “Get a storage space,” they will suggest, “You will be sorry you got rid of that one day,” and some other similar remarks.  However, it is up to you – it is always up to you to continue your journey.

No Guilt, Just Happiness

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A smiley by Pumbaa, drawn using a text editor.

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever felt so happy that your heart overflows?  Have you ever felt guilty for feeling happy?  Sounds like a contradiction, but it happens.  Many times we don’t know how to accept the happiness in our lives and give thanks for it.  Sometimes, we think that it is temporary or that we might put a jinx to it if we enjoy it for long.  What is wrong with this picture?  Everything.

Many times we think of the old adage that said – “After much laughter, there comes the tears.”  I thought of this adage and how sick it is to think that happiness is something that we have to grab fast because it will disappear and be replaced by some sad moment and suffering. 

This adage is an example of the power of words in our feelings, and in entire cultures.  Words are passed from generation to generation.  They build stories, they become tools for educating entire families, cities, countries … civilizations.  They become sacred or heresy; they become anointed with the same feelings they have provoked in people.  But they are just words, and we choose to give life and meaning to them.

The truth is that there are happy moments and sad moments – and we should embrace both to grow as humans and spiritual beings.  Our Creator made us to enjoy our lives and be happy.  (This is a personal belief).  However, even when you do not believe in a Creator, a God, or whatever you choose to call it – him – her …. one thing remains true – It is silly not to enjoy a happy moment or a happy life.  It is silly to feel guilty about pure happiness, and moreover, to let a silly adage cloud a perfect day!

Be happy!

The Simple Life

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Simple Abundance – A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach

Although this book has been around for a while now (1995) it wasn’t until recently that I got to read it.  Immediately I loved it.  I have to admit that it has sat in my library for a year, maybe two; I just did not have enough time to get to it – but it kept calling me.  Finally, I listened and read it.  I did not read it as intended, one chapter a day, instead I read it until my eyes became blurry, and then came back for more day after day. 

I recommend this book to anyone that is in the path of a simple life and needs inspiration.  Its principles are even more true more than a decade later.  If you are in search of simplicity and abundance, you will enjoy this jewel.