When Misery Loves Company

Finger pointing

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We have heard this line many times – “Misery loves company.”  It is a very damaging way to live by.  Why?  When we sulk in our misery and surround ourselves with people who feel the same way, we are becoming victims of whatever situation it is that we sulk about and prolong.  Some people may even live a lifetime this way.  They have become victims and most likely, blame another for their misfortune.

I wholehearted believe that I cannot blame anyone for whatever happens in my life, because ultimately, I make the decisions, whether these are decisions that I make or think I have to make, but is not what I would like to do – in any case, I always decide, like it or not; therefore, there is no assigning blame.  When I fully understood this truth, I became free.  I saw that no matter the circumstances, I chose and that meant accepting responsibility for those decisions – positive and negative.

When we say ” it is ______ (fill the blank) fault, we are closing the door to growth.  Only by understanding that you are responsible for every path taken, and letting go of blame, there can be growth.  For some people, this is difficult to accept and they don’t want to be reminded of it.  If you do, they will find something wrong with you to be able to refute this truth, whether it is your lack of experience in certain area or life situation or something else.  For them, this is ground for invalidation of what you have to say.  Many times, that same “lack” is what helps you be neutral and understand many points of view.  Keep playing the same misery song and you will keep dancing the same misery dance.  If you don’t change the tunes, don’t expect your feet to move at a different rhythm.  That is what I say.

The artist/writer is many times, misunderstood and labeled.  Many artists/writers know that there is a price to pay when they chose to welcome creativity and change in their lives, specially when others don’t understand their art or path.  They may be accused of daydreaming, having unrealistic expectations, not working, being too emotional … and many other things, tons of other things.  If you find yourself wanting your dream very much and on the path to make it real, to survive this you must avoid becoming discouraged by what others may or may not think of you and you must work your dream against the odds.  Most important, don’t invite company to celebrate misery, because misery loves company, and growth will stop.

When to Mind your Fabulous Business and Shut Up.

Duality of Mind

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This morning, as I scanned the FB comments, I stopped at one made by Paolo Coelho – “What other people think of you is none of your business.”  I thought, excellent words of wisdom, but not easy to follow them.  The truth is that doing that is really very difficult because it goes against our human nature.  As a social species, we want to be liked by others,  and we love to be accepted and celebrated by others.  We want to share our wisdom with others, wether blogging, writing a book, talking to family or friends, thru a painting exposition …  We want to achieve but we also want those achievements to be recognized.  We do mind what other people think and say of us, and maybe we give too much importance on what others think of us.  That is why I thought that those words were such an epiphany – “What other people think of you is none of your business.”

If we lived that way we would be so much happier with the world around us and with the world within us.  We would be less critical of others and of ourselves.  We would spend less time worrying and sulking and more time dreaming and doing.  Ever tried to talk to someone who refutes or challenges every word that comes from your mouth – even if you are talking about laundry?  Well, I have, and let me tell you that it is the hardest thing to do, because it is impossible to have a normal conversation with that person.  This is when those words work well and instead of forcing a conversation or defending mine, I choose to mind my fabulous business and shut up, and in the way to happy land, I realize that Paolo Coelho is right – what other people think of me is none of my fabulous business.

Expanding Your Horizon

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If you are human, you have a set of beliefs.  Those beliefs form as you grow up and are highly influenced by culture, family, country … and many other things.  In a way, you identify with those beliefs, in a way, they are you, part of you.  I know people who are so set in their beliefs that refuse to explore beyond their horizon or entertain another point of view.  These people may fear that by opening their mind to receive information that may or may not contradict their belief system, they might cheat on that same system or worst, lose themselves – I pity them.  Why?  Because opening your mind to try to understand something and exploring information does not in any way diminish what you think, or believe; on the contrary, if you truly respect your beliefs, there is no need to fear new information.  What would have happened if all the explorers and scientists of the past had not stepped one foot pass their comfort zone (beliefs) and try to expand what they already knew or believed?  You answer that question, since the answer is obvious.

I used to write for a site and the community there seemed very friendly and loved commenting on each other’s work.  There was only one thing that drove me nuts, especially when I wrote a piece of poetry.  I write about many things, true or fictional, and many times, I love to imagine things poetically.  What drove me nuts?  That most times, people thought that the piece of poetry was directly related to me, as in true life.  I was too lazy to explain that it was just a piece of writing, many times fictional.

Don’t believe everything you read or are told; expand your horizon, move one step over the flat ocean’s edge and refresh your mind and spirit.  Think for yourself, believe what you must but after you consider the opposite point of view, there is no harm in that; who knows, it may even strengthen your beliefs.  As a writer, you owe it to yourself, and your readers … believe and expand your horizon.

The Why to What?

As I savor the last piece of my magical box of Turkish Delight, I happen to be thinking about a post I read earlier.  The post was about “what you really really really want,” and you can read about it in Ollin Morales blog – Courage 2 Create.  Well, right now what I really want is another box of Turkish Delight, but pondering about this issue prompted me to write this post.  I like to read books about positive thinking/attitude, setting goals … and so on.  Most of these books talk about how important and crucial it is to know your why, because without knowing your why, it will be very difficult to achieve your goals.  The Why is the real reason or motivator for you to do something or achieve what you want.  Thinking about Ollin’s post, I realized that the Why doesn’t matter so much if you don’t know or have a clear definition of “what you really really want.”  In other words, you have to know the What to be able to ponder and establish your true Why.

Unless you know your true What, your Why is useless.  To add to the dilemma, many times, you might think that what you want is a certain something, to later find out that you really didn’t want that at all, or maybe had to tweak your want a bit to realize that your Why was totally out of zinc with your What.  I don’t blame you if your head hurts by now, but life is complicated sometimes, or at least, our perception of it.  I have found that many times, my What (s) were totally wrong, and my Why (s) did not take me there; however, I found that it was all a process for me, and one that I had to undergo to be able to find my true What and Why.  Sometimes, the journey is a What in itself, and later, it becomes the Why, at least temporarily until you realize your true What and Why.

Don’t forget to check out Ollin’s post; you can find it by clicking here – http://ollinmorales.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/and-you-cant-pull-me-down/

 

 

Loving What You Do

English: Heart and Earth

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The New Year is here and I’m happy that it is.  Despite all the doomsday talk, the way I see it, each day is full of possibilities, so I got myself a year full of possibilities.  Each day important, and certainly, not taken for granted.  Although I am a planner by nature and I love lists, I have trained my stubborn self to appreciate each day for what it is, despite the curve balls that life serve and the not so happy situations that may present along the way.  I have learned that everything is temporary, nothing is forever, and things are as bad as you make them to be – the mind and the attitude will master your emotions, and the acceptance and understanding of emotions will shape your day – days will shape your present and your future.  I say this because I have realized that life is indeed too short.  I know everyone repeats this adage, but many have not ponder the depth of it, and truly, when you think about it, life is too short for all the things you want to do and live.  This is why it is so important that you love what you do and try to pursue that love and get there.  Whether that means moving to another state or country, no one will know but you, and there are always sacrifices on the way – a great salary, time, lifestyle … it is different for each person .

I think of the day I arrive to this earth, my birth day, and I am amazed first, that I was born, and second, at how fast the years have gone by.  Yes, I regret the bent on the road, some detours, but then I understand that without taking those, I would not be writing this post.

I have arrived to a point where I can say that I am blessed and I am happy, and it doesn’t have to do with financial status, material possessions (I have none of those) or the curve balls that life serves – all of that is temporary.  One thing I am glad I found along the way – that I CAN love every single day.

40 Tips from Best Selling Authors

Revisited – I wrote this sometime ago and decided to revisit it as I think these tips from best selling authors are worth reading once more.

 

As a writer, I love to hear what other writers have to say about writing, especially, best-selling authors.  I sat down, coffee at hand, and listened to many interviews of best-selling authors.  Many hours later, a list of their recommendations was born.  The following list is full of tips, recommendations, and inspiration, from best-selling authors to aspiring writers, although these authors have been published the traditional way, and we all know that the eBook is shaking the publishing world; however, these tips are worth considering.

 

1.  Write, Write, Write.

 

2.  Accept rejection.

 

3.  Send hundreds of queries.

 

4.  Don’t take no for an answer; keep at it.  Eventually you will get a yes.

 

5.  It took Janet Evanovich 10 years of trying to get published.

 

6.  Write every day, even if you stare blank at the computer.

 

7.  The characters will take life of their own; they will lead you but you still have control.

 

8.  It is a huge honor to get your book made into a movie; but it is a totally different animal.

 

9.  Pick a genre and stick with it; at least in the beginning.

 

10.  Most seemed to have writing on the backburner, and somehow, fell into it as if by chance or destiny.  Some did not even know if they were any good.  Examples are:  Stephenie Meyer, Janet Evanovich, Lalita Tademy and Sara Grwen.

 

11.  Their backgrounds are so diverse but there is a constant:  they persevered, and they write, write, and write.

 

12.  Some observe and listen for ideas, others have dreams, others write about what they know.  Sara Grwen saw a picture of a vintage circus and that instance; she knew she would write a story about that, even when she had started a complete different story.

 

13.  Some used ideas and modified them into complete different stories (careful with copyrights-this author made sure a lawyer handled all details).

 

14.  They all come across as very content with their lives.  And some of them had hardship or events that lead them into writing.

 

15.  Christopher Paolini wrote about what he always wanted to read about, but there just was not enough of it (Besinger).

 

16.  Some seem easy going, go with the flow, while others more uptight, others seem to have fun in the process like Gregory Maguire.

 

17.  Michel Chabon – “You have to live with the book on your head all the time, even when living your normal daily routine.”  Sometimes he goes away to write for a couple days, or two weeks.

 

18.  Elizabeth Gilbert – “There is only one way to tell a story and that is to tell it.”

 

19.   Jody Picoult says – “Ideas come from all over the place – for me usually about an issue that I do not have the answer to.  Characters pop up like mushrooms and take over the book.  I research the subject sometimes months before I start writing.”

 

20.  Brunania Barry self published 2000 copies, and then hired a PR company.  Took a leap of faith, quit her job, and wrote.  Always knew she wanted to be a novelist.  This book started as a dream.

 

21.  Mitch Albom weaves own anecdotes into his stories.  He uses a song in every book, kind of his trademark.

 

22.  Lisa Scittoline – “Try to write something that is inside you, you open your heart and readers open theirs.”

 

23.  Harlan Coben – “I like to write with heart; otherwise it is not going to work for me.”

 

24.  Kate Jacobs – “The secret is being persistent and silencing this inner critic.”

 

25.  John Grisham – Writes mostly legal thrillers, but writes whatever he wants.  He has fun with the genre, he says he does not know where he is going as far as to stick with a genre – “You can’t get to serious, the pages have to turn”.  His style is very disciplined and structured – He writes from 6-12 m mostly 5-6-7-8+ pages a day.  Before writing he has to get his thoughts together.  He makes an extensive outline to follow 40 chapters.  He needs his outline.  Some of his books made into movie, The Appeal/The firm.

 

26.  Sherrilyn Kenyon – Acheron – “Over, under, around or through, there’s always a way to get where you want to go, you just have to find it.”

 

27.  Wally Lamb – “Write the book for yourself and let the audience that have to find it find it”.

28.  Anne Lamott – “Writing, just do it.”

 

29.  Gregory Maguire – “The consolation of the imaginary is not imaginary consolation.”  “Your inventive culture/world should be convincing.  Work this world in your mind, even if you do not write the details in the story.”

 

30.  Jamie Lee Curtis – “I don’t do it (writing) for achievement, it is pure expression for me.”

 

31.  Debbie Maccomber – She is an inspiration, she was dyslexic and learned to read in 5th grade.  She loves being a writer.

 

32.  Claire cook – “Just try it; small steps every day take you there.”  It took her 25 years because she was afraid of the big step.

 

33.  Donald Trump – Think Big and Kick Ass – “Keep your left up”.  “Never ever quit.”

 

34.  Nora Roberts: “Well, first: there ain’t no muse. If you sit around and wait to channel the muse, you can sit around and wait a long time.”  She says writing is not effortless.  “So I work really hard to make it as fluid as possible, as readable and entertaining as possible.”

35.  Kate DiCamillo does not do research.  Her book just shows up.

 

36.  Maggie Stiefvater – “To aspiring authors:  read, read, and read.”  She didn’t take any creative writing classes.

 

37.  The idea of a character of your book writing a book – James Patterson.

 

38.  Writing under different pen names – Jayne Ann Kretz is (Jane Castle and Amanda Quick); Lori Foster is L.L. Foster.

 

39.  Age dilemma when writing – addressing age appropriate dilemmas is important when writing your story.

 

40.  Eloisa James writes 20 pages a day.  She says that writing is hard work, it is tough.

 

Well my friends, here you have it:  Many hours of listening compiled into 40 tips for you to enjoy, and apply to your craft.  I love tip number 26.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Favorite Writing Aides

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Every writer has its own writing style, schedule, method or modus operandi.  These things influence your output and productivity, and ultimately how serious you take your craft.  There are also those “essentials” that you as a writer, “cannot live without,” and are always present at your desk.  These, of course, are different for every writer.  Among the things that I surround myself with, are these favorites.  They make my writing time more enjoyable, and somehow, more productive – maybe because they are a source of delight and practicality.  Here is my list.

  1. PC and printer.
  2. Plenty of scrap paper to jot down ideas, themes, and anything that may pop in my mind.
  3. Plenty of pens and pencils – Mostly, I type on a PC (my number 1 essential), but sometimes notations have to be done fast or when the computer is not on.
  4. An electronic American Heritage Dictionary, thesaurus, speller.
  5. An electronic Franklin translator (the PC works fine for this, but for some reason, I end up using this one more).
  6. A favorite CD playing – Inspires me.
  7. My camera – for those Blog shots.
  8. A duster – Yes, I hate to type on a dusty keyboard or to have a dusty screen in front of me.
  9. A copy of Desiderata by Max Ehrmann posted on my desk – It provides inspiration and grounding.  Next to it a copy of my own Creed – as a reminder.
  10. A posted copy of Be Yourself by Bruce B. Wilmer – Also for reminding me to keep on going.  Writing can be discouraging at times.
  11. A stapler – I keep hard copy of my articles on file.
  12. Essential books:  A copy of The Writer’s Market, Keys to Great Writing by Stephen Wilbers, How I Write by Janet Evanovich, and Grit for the Oyster.  These books are a wealth of knowledge for any writer, and also inspiration and a pick me up, when needed.
  13. A notebook with my passwords – cannot rely on good ol’ gray all the time.
  14. Owls and Crows – they inspire me.
  15. Finally, my lucky charm – A vintage Shirley Temple doll sitting on top of my desk – she is always ready to listen.  That is not to say that my six felines who come to visit me at the keyboard are the last on the list, they are pure joy and inspiration to me, and numberless.

Have you given any thought to what you surround yourself with to inspire your writing?  Can you improve your surroundings, and will it make a difference in your writing?  For me, these things fuel me up and give me pleasure.  What sparks your Muse?

Write it Down – Now!

Hesiod and the Muse

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During the weekend, my husband and I were driving towards an antique market.  The radio was playing Country music and the drive was smooth.  We would comment about a few things we saw on the road, from time to time.  Suddenly, I felt the urge to write.  You know, that nagging command in your mind that screams loud – WRITE!  I always carry a small notebook with me, just in case inspiration strikes.  I have found that when this happens, if I don’t write it down at the moment, it is gone forever.  I am not able to recreate it later.  I listened to my muse and this is what I wrote – a poem.

Ageless Soul

To have a young soul in an old body,

Oh, what is this punishment,

but to be trapped in this decaying shell,

withering to the whims of the body

and wishing the youth of once fresh life.

Is it the punishment of creation or the wisdom of the ages?

Either or it is but and arrow that pierces the flesh and numbs the heart.

 

Now, don’t ask me why, I just wrote what was given to me at the moment.  After I wrote it down fast, I put the notebook back in my handbag and continued the pleasant drive to the market.  The muse did not show up again that day.  Sometimes I wonder …

The Healing Effect of Writing

Why do we write?  To inform, to tell a story, to leave a legacy for the next generation and more to come, and for many other reasons.  I say that writing is therapy for the soul.  The written word in a heartfelt poem is like the tear running down your cheek; it is like the cry, or the laughter, immortalized forever (that’s why you should mind what your write).

Writing provides an outlet for the creative spirit, and for any spirit, to express the deep feelings of the soul, the yearnings and the epiphanies, the dreams or the nightmares, the happiness, the sadness …  The simple action of taking a pen in hand (or any writing instrument) is an act of freedom, of expression – a catalyst.

You may argue that music has the same effect, and it too, soothes the spirit and elevates your soul.  But music without words is introspective.  It is only thru dance and movement that it tells a story – and movement becomes word.  Then it becomes the power of the written word – in a song, in a musical note that you can read.

Writing exercises the mind, and gives free range to the imagination.  Fiction is a good example of this.  Creeds, positive affirmations, all relate to the power of the written word.  It is as old as our existence, in one form or another.  It was the thing that God told Moses to do, when he gave him The Ten Commandments – a base for our society’s rules.

As writers, we hold a powerful instrument in our hands, an instrument to edify or to destroy, to bring growth, or to hinder it, to move readers (or to bore them to death) – an instrument to glorify creation.  By writing we appease ourselves, we choose to enter into a world that is only ours, or to remain in reality.  To write is to refuse to cease to exist – to give wings to your soul, to heal wounds, and restore the heart.

Microwrite Your Novel

I have set a goal to finish my novel before the end of this year, so that means I have seven weeks before December 31st.  I started working on the first draft on July and took a break from it (see post Wrestling with Your Characters 1-2) for the entire month of October.  Now, I am up to 19,500 words and my goal is to pass the 50,000 words by the set date.  I decided to break things down in numbers to see how manageable that was for me.

Taking 50,000 words as my base number minus the 19,500 words I have in, that equals 30,500 left for me to write.  I divided that number between seven weeks, giving me a total of 4,357 give or take words per week, or an equivalent of 622 words per day.  That is not bad at all, and certainly very doable for me.  It looks that I will have my first draft before the new year begins, cause for celebration.  In an equation it would look like this:

50,000 – 19,500 = 30,500 ÷ 7 = 4,357 ÷ 7 = 622

Usually, I write and don’t worry about word count or numbers (the reason I will never do Nanowrimo) but in this case, I needed to figure out the numbers to see if I would be able to meet my goal in the set timeframe.  That will take care of the first draft, and then the hard part starts, revisions 2 and 3, for me.  I stop at the third revision.

If you are trying to write a novel, novella, or novelette, try this.  Give yourself an amount of time, and then break down the correspondent amount of words (an approximate) per week/day and that will make the task easier.  It will help you get an idea of how many words to put in (if you miss a writing day).  Or follow best-selling author Claire Cook’s advice of writing two pages a day.

So go ahead and microwrite that novel a few words at a time.