Ponderable

Weed Out the Dead Stuff – It is all a Death Trap

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“This is a great idea!” – we have thought at one point or another.  It may be a good idea, but good ideas are sometimes, not well received or are ahead of their time.  Pride in what we do is great; however, pride should not block our vision, stalling our future.  Simply put, “try it, give it some time, and if it doesn’t work, weed it out.”  This is something that I’ve learned with time.  The problem is when we are so emotionally and intellectually attached to our work/idea that we forget to evaluate its performance and choose to ignore the fact that it is not yielding the results we expected.  You may spend years pushing a project, to find out that it was time to let it go, years back.  Just because a good idea is not ready for the now, doesn’t mean that it is rendered obsolete or useless.  It may have a good reception in the future.  An idea or project may be ahead of its time, so if you have given a good and honest try to something and it is not working out for you, put it aside, and revisit it in the future, or not.

Weeding out all the dead stuff is a way of opening room for new ideas and opportunities.  It hurts to let go of a project, especially when we spend a lot of time, energy, money, commitment, and emotional interest in it; however, not weeding out the dead stuff might end up crushing your spirit, impeding growth as an artist and as a human being.  This is a death trap for the soul.

For many of us, letting go of a project or putting it aside is synonym of failure.  I disagree; on the contrary, recognizing the need to move and rearrange ideas and projects will lead to success.  Success is defined by how you feel about the results, and not by what society tells you success is – which is usually money or status.  We are so conditioned to “the persevere-never quit mentality” that we fail to recognize when things are not working out.  If you are passionate about something, pursue it, but keep your gardening gloves on, and weed out everything that is not contributing to that dream’s growth; only then, it can flourish.  In the garden of your dreams, time is precious, don’t waste it trying to revive dead roses; instead, plant new ones.  (Could not resist ending this post with that cheesy line).

When Misery Loves Company

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Finger pointing

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We have heard this line many times – “Misery loves company.”  It is a very damaging way to live by.  Why?  When we sulk in our misery and surround ourselves with people who feel the same way, we are becoming victims of whatever situation it is that we sulk about and prolong.  Some people may even live a lifetime this way.  They have become victims and most likely, blame another for their misfortune.

I wholehearted believe that I cannot blame anyone for whatever happens in my life, because ultimately, I make the decisions, whether these are decisions that I make or think I have to make, but is not what I would like to do – in any case, I always decide, like it or not; therefore, there is no assigning blame.  When I fully understood this truth, I became free.  I saw that no matter the circumstances, I chose and that meant accepting responsibility for those decisions – positive and negative.

When we say ” it is ______ (fill the blank) fault, we are closing the door to growth.  Only by understanding that you are responsible for every path taken, and letting go of blame, there can be growth.  For some people, this is difficult to accept and they don’t want to be reminded of it.  If you do, they will find something wrong with you to be able to refute this truth, whether it is your lack of experience in certain area or life situation or something else.  For them, this is ground for invalidation of what you have to say.  Many times, that same “lack” is what helps you be neutral and understand many points of view.  Keep playing the same misery song and you will keep dancing the same misery dance.  If you don’t change the tunes, don’t expect your feet to move at a different rhythm.  That is what I say.

The artist/writer is many times, misunderstood and labeled.  Many artists/writers know that there is a price to pay when they chose to welcome creativity and change in their lives, specially when others don’t understand their art or path.  They may be accused of daydreaming, having unrealistic expectations, not working, being too emotional … and many other things, tons of other things.  If you find yourself wanting your dream very much and on the path to make it real, to survive this you must avoid becoming discouraged by what others may or may not think of you and you must work your dream against the odds.  Most important, don’t invite company to celebrate misery, because misery loves company, and growth will stop.

When to Mind your Fabulous Business and Shut Up.

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Duality of Mind

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This morning, as I scanned the FB comments, I stopped at one made by Paolo Coelho – “What other people think of you is none of your business.”  I thought, excellent words of wisdom, but not easy to follow them.  The truth is that doing that is really very difficult because it goes against our human nature.  As a social species, we want to be liked by others,  and we love to be accepted and celebrated by others.  We want to share our wisdom with others, wether blogging, writing a book, talking to family or friends, thru a painting exposition …  We want to achieve but we also want those achievements to be recognized.  We do mind what other people think and say of us, and maybe we give too much importance on what others think of us.  That is why I thought that those words were such an epiphany – “What other people think of you is none of your business.”

If we lived that way we would be so much happier with the world around us and with the world within us.  We would be less critical of others and of ourselves.  We would spend less time worrying and sulking and more time dreaming and doing.  Ever tried to talk to someone who refutes or challenges every word that comes from your mouth – even if you are talking about laundry?  Well, I have, and let me tell you that it is the hardest thing to do, because it is impossible to have a normal conversation with that person.  This is when those words work well and instead of forcing a conversation or defending mine, I choose to mind my fabulous business and shut up, and in the way to happy land, I realize that Paolo Coelho is right – what other people think of me is none of my fabulous business.

Expanding Your Horizon

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Rendition of Homer's view of the world (prior ...

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If you are human, you have a set of beliefs.  Those beliefs form as you grow up and are highly influenced by culture, family, country … and many other things.  In a way, you identify with those beliefs, in a way, they are you, part of you.  I know people who are so set in their beliefs that refuse to explore beyond their horizon or entertain another point of view.  These people may fear that by opening their mind to receive information that may or may not contradict their belief system, they might cheat on that same system or worst, lose themselves – I pity them.  Why?  Because opening your mind to try to understand something and exploring information does not in any way diminish what you think, or believe; on the contrary, if you truly respect your beliefs, there is no need to fear new information.  What would have happened if all the explorers and scientists of the past had not stepped one foot pass their comfort zone (beliefs) and try to expand what they already knew or believed?  You answer that question, since the answer is obvious.

I used to write for a site and the community there seemed very friendly and loved commenting on each other’s work.  There was only one thing that drove me nuts, especially when I wrote a piece of poetry.  I write about many things, true or fictional, and many times, I love to imagine things poetically.  What drove me nuts?  That most times, people thought that the piece of poetry was directly related to me, as in true life.  I was too lazy to explain that it was just a piece of writing, many times fictional.

Don’t believe everything you read or are told; expand your horizon, move one step over the flat ocean’s edge and refresh your mind and spirit.  Think for yourself, believe what you must but after you consider the opposite point of view, there is no harm in that; who knows, it may even strengthen your beliefs.  As a writer, you owe it to yourself, and your readers … believe and expand your horizon.

The Three Forgotten Rules for Living

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CHILDREN PLAY ON GARBAGE DUMP - NARA - 544794

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The other day, I was pondering on this adage (yes, I ponder a lot – even as a toddler, according to my Mom) – “Use it up, Make do, Do without.”  I don’t know if you are familiar with it, but it has been thrown around from time to time.  I realized that these words have been forgotten in today’s society.  Although, some people are turning their lives around and embracing these words (many times they are called “greenies”) most people live the opposite to this, at least that is what I’ve observed.  I was there once.

Use it Up – Most people throw away things before they even finish their contents, many times, unused items that they never got to open, spoiled food, and so on.

Make Do – That has become an insult in today’s society.  To some, Make Do is synonym to being a loser, or being poor.  I’ve known people with lots of money that live by the Make Do rule; it doesn’t have to do with how much money you have.  Some people choose this way of living, but this is the minority.

Do Without – This is unheard these days, especially since the invention of credit cards.  It is the source of many tantrums at stores or at home, and I am not talking about kids.  People become miserable if they cannot have stuff NOW!  Do Without? – But that is impossible!

The New Rules of the Game

1.  Use it Halfway, if ever.

2.  Get the newest and latest.

3.  Get it Now before it becomes old.

Disclaimer:  Some people will hate me for this post.  After the Zombies invade, nothing will matter, so old goods will become new again, and the old rules will become survival techniques.

The Inevitability of Change – Accepting Change

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Some people don’t like change, others associate change with negative things, mostly because they are very comfortable with the current situation or stage in life, and they view change as a disruption.  “If it is not broken, don’t fix it” they may say.  When change is abrupt,and fast it leaves little or no time for this.  Change may be good or bad, however, it is always change.  The only thing that you can control about it is your reaction – accepting change.

Change is inevitable, and it offers an opportunity for movement and growth – whether it is disrupting or good change, either way you must claim your place in life – either embrace it and grow or fight it until you have no more strength – change is inevitable; it is part of our nature.  We go through change since our conception in the womb and it continues until we die – and God knows what else is beyond that, more change?

Change can be sudden, or it can be gradual, the later easier to swallow and embrace, the first, full of punch and invigorating, both regenerative, leaving a sense of renewal in the end.  The greatest thing about change is that no matter how it comes and how it may feel at the moment, it is evolving, and never stalls – that in itself is good.  If change for you represents your darkest hour, find comfort in that – everything shall pass, and it leaves experience, and growth if you choose to accept/embrace it.

Change is inevitable; it is our nature.

Heavy Heart? How Much can it Hold?

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Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909.

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February is around the corner, and I can’t help but think about Valentine’s Day; must of us do, at least if the holiday is part of your culture. The sweets are everywhere, the cupids are in full view, and the roses are in full bloom in the store shelves. The other day, my husband came home  with the cutest Valentine mug full of Dove chocolates – he knows I love coffee and he told me “you don’t have one of these.” I have enjoyed the little chocolate treats from time to time, and I love to read the sweet message inside the wrapper. I read one that stuck with me – “Discover how much your heart can hold” – it read. That tiny Dove chocolate heart was an epiphany.

Huh, I thought; I have never asked myself that question before.  I wonder, how much can my heart hold?  The answer is as inspiring as it is scary.  Why?  Because it touches on the essence of being human; on how much can we love, and how much we can  hate, and all the other emotions and feelings in between – from Awe, Bliss, and Beauty, to Fear, Doubt, and Heartbreak.  In physiology, the heart can take a beating, and eventually, one day, it will give up.  In terms of emotions and feelings, the heart is so much more amazing, stronger, and stretchable.  (I know, it is all about the brain and its electrical connections, but bare with me for the purpose of this post).

While pondering about the message in the Dove chocolate wrapper, I realized that the only way to know the answer to that is to live life, to live one heartbeat at a time.  Only thru living, the heart will continue to expand, to hold all the humanity and spirituality that life presents its keeper.  So, how much can the heart hold?  It is different for every person, as it is life and the things we let ourselves experience.  We can live minute by minute, or we can live heartbeat by heartbeat – it is up to us.  We can live life going thru the motions, at the beat of the clock, or we can find a true heartbeat in everything we do.  We can expand the capacity of our heart to hold as much as we want, as we allow, and many times, as much as we need.  As far as I’m concerned, every heartbeat counts, you don’t have to climb Mount Everest to get your rush, but if you want to do it, that is wonderful, as it is the way you want to live as you stretch your heart.

How much can your heart hold?  It is up to you to discover it.

The Why to What?

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As I savor the last piece of my magical box of Turkish Delight, I happen to be thinking about a post I read earlier.  The post was about “what you really really really want,” and you can read about it in Ollin Morales blog – Courage 2 Create.  Well, right now what I really want is another box of Turkish Delight, but pondering about this issue prompted me to write this post.  I like to read books about positive thinking/attitude, setting goals … and so on.  Most of these books talk about how important and crucial it is to know your why, because without knowing your why, it will be very difficult to achieve your goals.  The Why is the real reason or motivator for you to do something or achieve what you want.  Thinking about Ollin’s post, I realized that the Why doesn’t matter so much if you don’t know or have a clear definition of “what you really really want.”  In other words, you have to know the What to be able to ponder and establish your true Why.

Unless you know your true What, your Why is useless.  To add to the dilemma, many times, you might think that what you want is a certain something, to later find out that you really didn’t want that at all, or maybe had to tweak your want a bit to realize that your Why was totally out of zinc with your What.  I don’t blame you if your head hurts by now, but life is complicated sometimes, or at least, our perception of it.  I have found that many times, my What (s) were totally wrong, and my Why (s) did not take me there; however, I found that it was all a process for me, and one that I had to undergo to be able to find my true What and Why.  Sometimes, the journey is a What in itself, and later, it becomes the Why, at least temporarily until you realize your true What and Why.

Don’t forget to check out Ollin’s post; you can find it by clicking here – http://ollinmorales.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/and-you-cant-pull-me-down/

 

 

Complete Disregard is Learned

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English: A cigarette butt, lying in dirty snow.

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The other day, I was parked at the local Wawa-gas station having a cup of coffee with my husband.  Parked next to me, there was a woman who may have been in her mid or late sixties, waiting for her friend who went inside the store.  The woman was in the driver’s seat.  Just in front of her car, maybe about 15 steps or less, there was a giant trash can.  The woman chose to open her window and throw her cigarette butt on the floor, mind you, we are at a gas station/convenience store.  I could not understand this behavior.  There she was, less than 15 steps from a giant trash can, and probably had a trash compartment in her car, and she chose to litter.  I thought of saying something to her, but I stopped myself.  Instead, I looked at her, looked at the trash can, and moved my head from side to side – I’m sure she got the message.  I did not say anything because at that instant, I realized that if at that age, who knows, she could have been in her early 70s, she was still doing this, she must have done that her entire life, and my comment wouldn’t have mattered.

When I thought of it, her disregard for her planet, must had been learned long time ago, and she will probably go to her grave in this state of mind.  I am no saint, far from it, but there are things that baffle me, and they just don’t make sense.  This woman had no regard for the planet she calls home (unless she was from another planet), which translates, in my eyes, to disregard for the legacy she leaves her children or grandchildren, if she has any.

Ok, maybe you are thinking that I am making a huge deal out of a woman who happened to flick a cigarette at a parking lot.  However, the way I see it – “every action affects you or someone else, either in a positive or a negative way.”  I wish I had the power to follow that cigarette’s journey throughout the many years to see the impact that simple action had.  I can think of many scenarios –  the breeze rolls it over to the gas section just as a person is retrieving the gas nozzle from their car and a drop of gasoline falls to the floor.  Or maybe, a cute little bird or pigeon carries it to its nest underneath the roof of a home nearby.  I can think of many more scenarios, but it was just a cigarette butt, right?

The drama, oh, the drama …

How to Wow your Customers/Clients

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The busy Holiday Season has ended and a new year is here.  For those who are independent contractors it means a fresh new start and the continuation of past business.  Keeping clients isn’t easy, whether you do retail or offer a service.  You have to find that balance that makes clients happy as well as yourself.  But what are the things that make your clients/customers go Wow?

  1. Attention to detail – I have found that this is very important in keeping your customer happy.  It goes beyond good and basic customer service.  You can be polite and go thru the motions of the sale, but when you take a good look at what your customer likes and strive to magnify that a bit, you are putting some love into the sale or service.  It is popularly called “going the extra mile;” however, you can go the extra mile out of duty or you can walk it loving it – there is a difference – and there is the balance.  To put it into perspective, when you give attention to detail, your packages are neat, extra well-packed, beautifully wrapped, and you include a little something special inside for your customer – they will remember you for that.  The online world has open many retail opportunities for online shops, and this is good.  However, I have seen many things that I don’t consider desirable; for example, receiving an item packed in a cereal box without any lining in it or any extra layers of protection.  I am all for recycling and saving the planet, but if you need to use a cereal box, you can pretty it up by wrapping/camouflaging it with some nice paper, putting some tissue inside to protect the item … and so on.  Recycle but also Upcycle.
  2. Being honest – Honesty in business goes far, and customers/clients notice.  Maybe for you, the extra dollar in shipping doesn’t make much difference, but it does to a customer.  These days, shipping packages is expensive, online sellers know that, and many times, they cannot compete with the free shipping or low shipping deals that other large companies offer.  The way I see it, it is not about competing but about being different, and you do that by refunding the difference if shipping was less and eating up the cost if it was more than you quoted.  Customers will notice and they will thank you for that, usually.
  3.  Giving the Royal Treatment – Even if you operate a very small online store, you can treat your customers as royalty.  Strive for an excellent shopping experience in all levels – communication, delivery of the product, and resolving any issues that may arise.  From offering tracking numbers, returns, and striving for making your customer happy at the end, there are many ways to wow your customers.  If you offer a service, excellent communication practices and prompt delivery, as well as following up are key.
  4. Saying Thank You – This is one of the most important things that you can do, whether you work an online business, brick and mortar store, or are an independent contractor.  It says to the  customers/clients that you value and appreciate their business – in other words, you don’t take them for granted.  You are stepping away from the “clerk treatment” so common at the street and letting your customers know that they are appreciated and that you would like to continue serving their needs in the future.  You do this by thanking them verbally, sending an email or a personalized card, including an appreciation gift or a discount coupon, and most important, following up with them briefly.  There are as many ways as far as your imagination can go.
  5. Personalizing the sale – This is of most importance, at least in my eyes.  Treating customers as people and not as dollar signs is what it means.  You can chat up a storm with a client and ask many questions to find common ground, but if you still see that person as a dollar sign, you will give that vibe back to him/her – everything is energy and energy passes thru.  Instead, think of a way in which you can truly help that customer with his/her need.  If a customer/client came to you, it is because there is a need and it is up to you to find a way to please that customer.  Next time, he/she can go somewhere else.  These days, there is a whole worldwide of choices out there in the concrete world and in cyberspace.  So, when a customer visits your online site or your brick and mortar store, be honored that they have seen your tiny dot shining in this huge retail universe.