love

Reduced to Your Possessions

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When I decided to live in a more present and simpler way, one of the effects that happened almost as a natural reaction was for me to rid of excess in my life, material and other. After evaluating much of my life in a systemic way, I started to let go of stuff first, and eventually, of every other thing that did not fell into balance with my life’s systems. Stuff was a significant area for me, years of accumulation, of excess. This act of letting go opened my eyes to many areas, and I became aware of how possessions dictate on one’s way of living, how people identify with their possessions, and ultimately, how one’s identity can be reduced to one’s possessions, by ourselves and by the perception of others as well. Our living is reduced to maintaining such possessions, and in a way, the stuff that was supposed to enhance living, ends up diminishing it.

I remember attending a funeral when I was much younger, and as I approached the widow to give her my condolences, I decided to wait aside until she finished her conversation with a couple. Without intention, I overheard the man asking this grieving widow how much she wanted for her late husband’s car. Obviously, it was not the time and place to ask that question. This scene stayed in my mind until today. It made me realized how people see other people after death, and how inconsiderate a person who is materially oriented can become. On a more recent observation of human behavior, I observed how a man who owned many vehicles was reduced to his possessions after he died. The next day, there were many takers looking to buy his vehicles. One of them, even checking out a motorcycle during the family service which was at the home of the deceased. This reminded me of the first incident that happened many years ago, its similarity, and made me think of how I would like to be remembered when I go to meet my maker. I am sure that most of us have heard stories about family feuds after a patriarch or matriarch dies, and of siblings fighting for an inheritance and relationships being broken for the same reasons. It happens in the closest of families.

I am not a minimalist, and I can appreciate beautiful things, but I don’t want my identity to be based on stuff, neither how other people might remember me by. When we approach the relation to our possessions as stewards of the material blessings we receive instead of owners or collectors, we become more grateful, but also more generous. We also learn to see people for their true essence and not their status or material abundance, and as a default, we end up having better human to human interactions once we remove the material filter.

Role Models, Where are They?

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I think that younger generations are lacking something that was very important for older generations – role models. Our society has decline in this sense, and instead, a younger generation is filling that void with role models found in Hollywood celebrities and even AI, wherever they can find the ideal, even when it may be a bit removed from reality. If you had an influential and positive role model in your life, count yourself blessed. When we are young, we might not recognize the significant influence of a role model in our life, but later on, in hindsight, we realize how blessed we were.

I had two strong role models in my life, both women, and they contributed much to the woman I am today. One of them, my grandmother, the strong, courageous, and righteous woman who raised me. I can honestly say that she was the living image of the woman in Proverbs 31. I learned so much character and wisdom from her (and much more) throughout my childhood and my early younger years, but her teachings lasted a lifetime.

As a young and married adult in my 20s, I met my second role model, a Jewish woman who introduced me to business concepts, an area of my life that had no previous exposure as far as learning. I value her teachings to this day because she inspired in me a learning for such things and gave me a view of myself that I never had before in that sense. She inspired me to dream more, for the first time.

These women, very different but similar in character, and from very different cultures, upbringing, religious views, education, and socioeconomic backgrounds, shaped much of my thinking in a positive way, and I am so grateful for having them in my life at an early age. When I think about what I consider a scarcity in role models these days, I see a correlation with the erosion of our value system as a society. Times may change, technology may modernize and influence the way we do daily living, but core values should remain and not get lost within a rapid changing culture. These are basic rules of engagement, of humanity and societal goodness that we ought to pass on to the next generation.

Filaments of Your Being

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This morning, my heart was heavy. Sometimes, no matter where one looks, on this material state of being, of existing on this very troubled planet, one cannot escape the effects of all of it, in the heart, the emotions … it robs a bit of inner peace. As human beings, we bring all these emotions into the material, to ourselves, our heart, mind, our tense body … we internalize all these things; it is only human to do so.

After a good conversation with God, and giving it all to Jesus, I feel much better, renewed. This morning, after my conversation, I closed my eyes and relaxed a bit. My cat was in my lap. She is 17 years old, lost pretty much her eyesight, and although she manages very well around the house, she has become much more dependent on me. She fell asleep on my lap while purring with contentment. A thought crossed my mind; it was, “My love is bigger than the filaments of your being.” I did not understand it at first, but a bit later, I did.

Upon meditating on this, I realized that I should look up the word filaments. Although I knew the meaning of the word very well, I felt that I needed to deepen what I knew about it a bit more in order to understand the phrase, so I did. After consulting several dictionaries online, all of them pretty much settling on the word filament as a fine or thin fiber, thread, material, a component of a structure …, the definition that caught my attention was the one used in biology – a filament is a long thread comprised of protein subunits. These subunits can be made of single protein molecules or polypeptide chains that join to form …(study.com) After analyzing the word, I understood what God was trying to tell me, in my mind and heart.

I understood that His love is bigger than my physical state of being, it surpasses all of it; after all, He created every filament of my being, of my existence. I understood that while the troubles and feelings of living on this earth, this material place, might be overwhelming at times, He understands me, and He wants to assure me that His love surpasses all that, into the other part of my being, my soul, and my spirit. In other words, He was telling me, “I got you girl; I more than got you.” Because He holds together every thread, every fiber/filament of my being and existence. That is all I need to know.

The Stages of a Simple Beginning (Starting Over)

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Morning Glory (photo by M.A.D.)

Ever had to start over, either by a conscientious and premeditated choice or by a forced circumstance? It is like the Spring that comes after the death of Autumn and the coldness of Winter. The difference between the two circumstances is the degree of trauma or excitement. Either way, one has to start somewhere. So, where to start? Obviously, safety is most important to consider. Once a person has a safe haven where primary needs are met, such as food, shelter, income, and other basic needs, only then a person can start recovering and dreaming again, but not until one has grieved the past. Grieving the past is the one thing that should not be avoided, the sooner the better, and the faster a person can recover from whatever circumstances caused a “starting over” situation. Even in a planned and voluntary fresh start, I have to leave things behind, a form of grieving. Only then, forgiveness is possible, of others and myself. Only then, I will be able to move forward towards a new day, a fresh start, a new beginning. The simpler the start, the better.

Simple beginnings hardly are simple. I have to find balance again, the old is gone, and the new, well, it has not fully arrived yet. I am in a suspended state for a brief time, a time where everything or mostly everything is new, unfamiliar, and unpredictable to some degree. Sometimes, one has to find oneself before charging to a brand-new future; a new present has its own challenges, some easier than others, depending on the circumstances that catapulted the change. Even when the change is planned and executed carefully, the unpredictable shows up.

When embracing a new beginning, a slow pace at first helps me see with more clarity the road ahead, even during sudden change. I might not be able to control circumstances, but I can slow down in the way I react to change; I can always control the part that is me. It all starts with me, and of course, faith. Hope will follow soon enough, and with hope, new dreams and possibilities. Once I start dreaming again, I have begun again.

As writers, many times we place one of our characters in such a predicament of starting over, and by not rushing a character through all the stages of a simple new beginning, we are building the character’s credibility and ultimately that character’s truth. When we don’t rush ourselves, and we go through the same stages, we start regaining confidence, believing in ourselves once more, finding our truth. But life is not fiction, even if we deny reality and try to live in our own fantasy. Eventually, the fantasy dissolves and we are left with the possibility of change, of making the decision of a simple new beginning, even when that might be just as simple as embracing a brand-new day, as it is for many. During that time, kindness to ourselves and others on the way will make the most significance.

When we focus on our differences, we don’t see need, and we miss an opportunity for kindness. Kindness with promotion cheapens it. Kindness without forgiveness cancels it.

The Mystifying Nature of Time

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The other day, I had a conversation with my sister that made me think about time, mortality, and my perception of these. She watched a video in which a former supermodel now in her sixties, said that if she were to live until her eighties, she will have about 20 more summers to enjoy. Being about her age, the realization that 20 summers is not too many hit me. Imagine writing these numbers down and crossing each one as time goes by and realizing that 20 is such a finite number and thus, the fragility and brevity of one’s existence. Overwhelming on paper for sure.

Time is aloof. It is long, it is short, it is real, but also measured by our kind, by our humanity. It is freely given; it is used and misused. It is ignored when we think we have much of it but wanted when it seems scarce or limited. It is a blessing but a curse for many. Perception defines it, for every person differently; we give it meaning. It is constant but forgettable. It is natural but also, supernatural and mystifying.

Summers come and go. I never thought about them as a finite number. When I think of what I did last summer, much of it eludes me. Did I enjoy it? Did it just go by as any other season? For some reason, when you start numbering your summers, your life seems to have gone faster, time seems to speed up, and the realization of how fragile one’s existence is, and how special it is as well, certainly puts many things into perspective. Memories are markings of the passing of time. I guess that my point to all of this rambling is that time is a gift, a blessing we are given, and our days are not guaranteed. No one knows for sure what this day will bring, or if it will be the last, so in that sense, would a number even matter?

For us time is linear, but also, it is more than that. Just think of everything that happens at once in your life, with all your interactions, and the people in your circle and beyond, all around you, all interconnected in some supernatural and natural way. Live well the blessing of a new day and be grateful for the time that has been given to you; it is all a gift from above. I am certainly looking forward to this summer.

Photo by M.A.D.

Till’ the Cows Come Home

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Contrast is revelation.

We can pray till’ the cows come home, but …

1 Corinthians 13:1-8 (NIV)

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Jesus taught us to love.

He blessed the children. He fed the hungry. He healed the sick. He spoke peace not war. He forgave his enemies. He forgave sins. He loved all, including the outcasts. He liberated the oppressed. He gave his life for all, the greatest act of love. What is not of Love, is not of God.

Contrast is revelation.

Survival Mode

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The topic of survival is one that I have included in my novels. It is interesting to see how survival can bring out the best or worst in people. It separates heroes from the not so good characters. So is in real life, although I believe that there is redemption for everyone. When a person is in survival mode, it forces the individual to act one way or the other; it brings about the truth of that person. In other words, you cannot fake it when you are in survival mode. It forces you to be what you already are. It shows a person’s true colors.

I will venture to say that in today’s USA, many people are in survival mode, probably more people than we realize. Younger generations are having a tough time keeping up with a very high and unrealistic cost of living and many people are working two plus jobs and hardly making it. Young couples simply cannot afford giving birth because hospital care is simply unaffordable. Food prices, daycare costs, and rent or home prices are truly out of reach for most of the younger generation. It is simple very different from what it was for other generations. In simple words, this generation is being hit from all angles. Most politicians fail to see the struggle, or they are simply not in touch with reality out there. People are struggling to keep a roof over their head and put food on the table, even the most frugal people. Most of Americans are in survival mode. Many people are truly doing all they can, working all they can, and cutting costs as much as they can, and they are still not making it. The disparage and disproportion between wages, education, and labor is ridiculous. The middle class is slowly disappearing in this country. It is easy to put a blindfold and label a generation of being lazy without considering all factors and influences at play.

I have always been an observer by nature. How many times have I witnessed someone at the supermarket leave just a few groceries because the card did not take? How many times have I heard a mother tell her child, “Sorry honey, we don’t have enough for “this” today;” “this” being a food item, not a toy? How many times have I witnessed someone staring blank at the insane prices in the meat isle at the supermarket, a hopeless stare followed by bypassing the product section, or even putting groceries back? I can tell you more examples, from couples quietly arguing about food, to older people with less than five items in the food cart, oh, so much more. Food is a basic need, and people can’t even eat in what we call the richest country in the world. Many people are in denial, but that is just a coping mechanism when you are or are about to be in survival mode.

If you have ever been in survival mode and have come through, you know well that there is a lesson to be learned from all of it, and most likely, you recognize that lesson. Most likely, you come out with a sense of gratefulness, stronger, and wiser. Most likely, you have learned about yourself, your true self, and the things that are not to be taken for granted anymore. Most likely, there is a sense of renewal and hope, of clarity and inner peace, and a healthy dose of pride after surviving the event. Having experienced survival mode at one time in my life, I can say that faith is an important component to make it through, that is, faith in yourself, and faith in a higher power. Don’t forget to count your blessings because they are many, in any circumstance.

It is About Focus and Faith

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While researching, I came across the following quote, which inspired this blogpost.

“Dictatorships are one-way streets. Democracy boasts two-way traffic.” Alberto Moravia

While reading the above quote, these poetic lines came to mind.

A People’s Will

Soaring above, keen eye, unsteady flight

Eagle must rest on steady land.

Time to choose,

One way street or two-way traffic.

Alberto Moravia was an Italian writer, whom I am not familiar with or have read any of his works; however, this quote stuck with me. It inspired the following.

Many times, people become discouraged by the current political environment. It might affect people in many different ways, whether mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. There are many things we cannot control directly; however, we can always control how we react to certain issues, events, and our environment. When we focus on what we can control in our daily lives, our focus change, and so does our response and attitude. What I write here, I have applied myself.

Here are examples of controllables. These controllables apply to many of the issues that we might be experiencing under less than pleasant conditions.

I can control,

A healthy diet and exercise

All my decisions

How I decide to start my day and end it

My thoughts

My spending

My relationship with God

My reaction to the people I interact with, or whom I choose to include in my circle

How I choose to view each challenge/problem

How I manage all my resources

How I choose to live my life

My degree of gratitude each day

What I give my time and effort to

The battles I choose to fight or not

How I view my space, my home, my possessions, with gratitude or not

How I value my life

The priorities and values I set daily

How I manage my time and money

My dreams

My expectations of myself, others, and life

The guilt I put on myself and others

What I let into my mind and space

The physical things I surround myself with

How I treat myself (level of respect, love and understanding) as well as others.

These are only a few controllables, but in my opinion and experience, the most important ones, and the ones that will help center our focus when times are not what we expect or desire.

Reflections: One Day at a Time, One Step at a Time

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Photo by M.A.D

One day at a time, one step at a time.

Life would be much more pleasant if we would live in that way. This is a lesson I learned later in life. In my younger years, multitasking and the idea of a “superwoman” who thrived on a crammed schedule and did everything to perfection was idealized. Many of us, gender aside, followed that way of living in our everyday interaction. I remember feeling “guilty” if I had “free time” to myself and even worrying that I were to become lazy if I indulged on even an hour of “unproductive” being. The years passed by, and I had become entrapped in one of the biggest lies Society sold me. When I think about it, that way of life was very materialistic in essence, even when I never saw myself as a materialistic person, on the contrary.

Today, I repeated this question, what is truly important to me? Throughout the years, the answer has been narrowed to include the issues at the core of my true values and loves. Today, I finally understand the meaning of living one day at a time, one step at a time, and from that realization, a sense of peace within that recognizes that life is not a race, and I don’t need trophies or crowns to validate my existence; God has already done so when He made me. It is beautiful to achieve dreams and to celebrate our achievements and of others as well, but not at the expense of living. The mere existence of achieving without the joy and beauty of living is contraindicating. Maybe Hans Christian Anderson understood this well.

“Just living is not enough, said the butterfly, one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” Hans Christian Anderson

Love and Light

Love

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After almost 38 years of marriage, I still keep his first gift. (Photo by M.A.D.)

Love is all kinds of things to all kind of people, but one thing love is to all – it is the only thing left when there is nothing else, and the only thing you have to give when there is nothing left at all.

Wishing you all a Happy Valentines Day!