The Elusiveness of Success

A carpenters' ruler with centimetre divisions

A carpenters’ ruler with centimetre divisions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At one point or another, we think about success, about how “successful” we are in our lives or endeavors.  The problem with measuring success is that we usually measure it against an ideal set up by society or against the success of others in our circle or people whom we admire and consider successful.  It is no surprise that most people would consider themselves unsuccessful and may feel a bit discouraged or sad about their stagnant lives or careers.  Little do we know that we are looking in the wrong direction and we are using the wrong measuring stick.

The question is, if we want to be successful (success is defined here as feeling realized and whole) why are we looking outwards when we should be looking inwards?  Why use the success of others as a measuring stick when we are our own “self” with unique dreams and goals, feelings about those dreams and goals, and a sense of where we want to be, whether clear or not at the moment.

Maybe it is that we are taught (since early age) to look at role models not so much in admiration but as imitation.  When we are asked the question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” we are being asked, “who do you want to be like?”  If we happen to give the wrong answer, our parents or caretakers will offer a better suggestion – “why not becoming a – fill the blank – instead?”  And the quest for success starts.

I think that society needs role models, but not at the expense of creativity and individuality.  Role models fuel dreams, mentors inspire.  All that is good; however, it is sad that today we look to Hollywood to find role models, when we might have one in our backyards (and that is not to say that there aren’t any role models in Hollywood, because there are).  Without sounding preachy, let’s go back to the topic of success and why it may seem so elusive.

“Why don’t I feel successful?”  This is a good question to ask ourselves.  It focuses on the individual and his/her feelings, which is an inward point of view.  The minute we focus our answer outwards, there lies the problem (the culprit).  A possible answer could be – “Because I have not found an agent or a publisher yet” or “Because I don’t have much money” or “Because my art is not selling well enough” or “Because I am no Stephenie Meyer or Bill Gates” and it could go on and on …  These are examples of answers that point outwards and offer the wrong measuring stick.  The feelings of inadequacy that you might be experiencing may not be yours at all but rooted into the illusion of becoming like someone else, and that in itself is denying your own individuality (in a sense).  And this is why success is so elusive for most of us – because looking inwards is not that easy, and it is not what we were taught as we grew up.

So today, look inwards, take account of all your efforts, and see how far you have come, and celebrate that.  It is the first step to feeling successful and capturing the elusive butterfly.  Greatness comes from within and it becomes when it is directed to the service of others.

It is All About Perspective

While cutting some veggies for last night dinner, I had one of my epiphanies.  I always cut the ends of the carrots, tomatoes, celery, or any other fruit or veggie that crosses my path.  Even when they are cut in halves, if pre-packaged, I go back and cut a slice from the ends just to have a fresh end (not sure if you follow me).  Well, by the time I am done, I have a decent amount of veggie scraps that go into the garbage because I cannot compost where I live now (but that will be possible in the near future – can’t wait).  It occurred to me that my waste was a perfect meal for people in some countries that will give anything to have a tiny slice of that scrap to make a soup – I mean countries where there is extreme hunger and poverty, and food is not an everyday sight.  Not that I am not aware of hunger, for some reason this time, it was different.

Besides feeling terrible and wasteful, I thought of how much perspective matters in how we go through life and do our own thing, and then, I thought of how it affects our writing.  When we write a story, even when we are writing from the character’s point of view, our own perspective of things and life is playing in the background.  I don’t think that it is possible to escape it totally, even when we try to be true to the character and do a lot of research about the topic or character’s behavior, origins, culture … and so on.

My point is, our perspective follows us everywhere, it is how we see things, life, and how we interpret it, besides being influenced by our own upbringing, culture, and experiences.  I have made vegetable soup countless of times, and yet, this time, those scraps meant something different, and have become meaningful somehow.

Use a Mirror to Manage Writer’s Block

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At one point or another, you may feel as if you cannot write or as if the story is not flowing quite the way it is supposed to flow.  You may think that you have been plagued by writer’s block (or artist’s block) and when you try to work on your novel or art, you cannot go back to it, as if something prevents you from it.  I have been there and what I found out was that it was not so much of a writer’s block, but more of a conflict with a particular part of the story.  It may be a character, beliefs, philosophy, or even a particular scene.  Somehow, you have an internal reaction or “a problem” with it.  It may be that you do not agree with something that you happen to be writing, but know that you have to write, whether it is to keep the story going, or by mere inspiration.  When you feel that you are stuck with the story, take a break and ponder about the last thing you wrote.  Take notice of how you feel about it, and if an internal bell rings.  This is a sign that you have something to work on (on yourself) before proceeding ahead with the story.  The way I see it (and this is only by my experience with this) is that you either,

  • acknowledge it and ignore it, meaning that you know the bug is there but you will ignore it and keep writing; however, it will come back along the way, impeding total free flow of your writing.
  • take a short break, acknowledge it, ponder it, and make peace with it.  I find that just because I may not agree with something in my story, that does not mean that I am selling out my beliefs.  In the case of an internal conflict that one of your characters or scenes brings up, acknowledge it, try to find the link between your conflict and the story, understand it and move on.

The main thing here is that by recognizing that there is an internal conflict you are looking in a mirror, and therefore, are starting to open the flow of your writing once more.  The mere act of looking at that reflection in the mirror is going to help unblock your writing.  At least for me, it works that way.

Hope this tip is of any help.

When Misery Loves Company

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We have heard this line many times – “Misery loves company.”  It is a very damaging way to live by.  Why?  When we sulk in our misery and surround ourselves with people who feel the same way, we are becoming victims of whatever situation it is that we sulk about and prolong.  Some people may even live a lifetime this way.  They have become victims and most likely, blame another for their misfortune.

I wholehearted believe that I cannot blame anyone for whatever happens in my life, because ultimately, I make the decisions, whether these are decisions that I make or think I have to make, but is not what I would like to do – in any case, I always decide, like it or not; therefore, there is no assigning blame.  When I fully understood this truth, I became free.  I saw that no matter the circumstances, I chose and that meant accepting responsibility for those decisions – positive and negative.

When we say ” it is ______ (fill the blank) fault, we are closing the door to growth.  Only by understanding that you are responsible for every path taken, and letting go of blame, there can be growth.  For some people, this is difficult to accept and they don’t want to be reminded of it.  If you do, they will find something wrong with you to be able to refute this truth, whether it is your lack of experience in certain area or life situation or something else.  For them, this is ground for invalidation of what you have to say.  Many times, that same “lack” is what helps you be neutral and understand many points of view.  Keep playing the same misery song and you will keep dancing the same misery dance.  If you don’t change the tunes, don’t expect your feet to move at a different rhythm.  That is what I say.

The artist/writer is many times, misunderstood and labeled.  Many artists/writers know that there is a price to pay when they chose to welcome creativity and change in their lives, specially when others don’t understand their art or path.  They may be accused of daydreaming, having unrealistic expectations, not working, being too emotional … and many other things, tons of other things.  If you find yourself wanting your dream very much and on the path to make it real, to survive this you must avoid becoming discouraged by what others may or may not think of you and you must work your dream against the odds.  Most important, don’t invite company to celebrate misery, because misery loves company, and growth will stop.

Favorite Writing Aides

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Every writer has its own writing style, schedule, method or modus operandi.  These things influence your output and productivity, and ultimately how serious you take your craft.  There are also those “essentials” that you as a writer, “cannot live without,” and are always present at your desk.  These, of course, are different for every writer.  Among the things that I surround myself with, are these favorites.  They make my writing time more enjoyable, and somehow, more productive – maybe because they are a source of delight and practicality.  Here is my list.

  1. PC and printer.
  2. Plenty of scrap paper to jot down ideas, themes, and anything that may pop in my mind.
  3. Plenty of pens and pencils – Mostly, I type on a PC (my number 1 essential), but sometimes notations have to be done fast or when the computer is not on.
  4. An electronic American Heritage Dictionary, thesaurus, speller.
  5. An electronic Franklin translator (the PC works fine for this, but for some reason, I end up using this one more).
  6. A favorite CD playing – Inspires me.
  7. My camera – for those Blog shots.
  8. A duster – Yes, I hate to type on a dusty keyboard or to have a dusty screen in front of me.
  9. A copy of Desiderata by Max Ehrmann posted on my desk – It provides inspiration and grounding.  Next to it a copy of my own Creed – as a reminder.
  10. A posted copy of Be Yourself by Bruce B. Wilmer – Also for reminding me to keep on going.  Writing can be discouraging at times.
  11. A stapler – I keep hard copy of my articles on file.
  12. Essential books:  A copy of The Writer’s Market, Keys to Great Writing by Stephen Wilbers, How I Write by Janet Evanovich, and Grit for the Oyster.  These books are a wealth of knowledge for any writer, and also inspiration and a pick me up, when needed.
  13. A notebook with my passwords – cannot rely on good ol’ gray all the time.
  14. Owls and Crows – they inspire me.
  15. Finally, my lucky charm – A vintage Shirley Temple doll sitting on top of my desk – she is always ready to listen.  That is not to say that my six felines who come to visit me at the keyboard are the last on the list, they are pure joy and inspiration to me, and numberless.

Have you given any thought to what you surround yourself with to inspire your writing?  Can you improve your surroundings, and will it make a difference in your writing?  For me, these things fuel me up and give me pleasure.  What sparks your Muse?

To Creed or Not to Creed

What is a creed?  The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as:  “a statement of beliefs or principles.”  The origin is from the Latin credo – “I believe.”   In this fast-changing, high stress, quick-consuming world, the need to reaffirm our beliefs, our truth, is necessary to achieve the goals that we have proposed to ourselves.  Goal setting, planning, ambitions … all that is good, but in order to achieve our target, we must know what we want, why, and marry that to our belief system.  Anytime that there’s a “glitch” between the “wants” and “our truths,” the balance is off, and somehow, we don’t feel quite centered.  The harmony has been altered, and our focus, shifted.  The result is a deviation of our initial intent.  The goals that were set in excitement soon become out of target, far, or simply unattainable.  We lose our steam, our “mojo,” and the path that we were heading towards, soon disappears.  A feeling of discontent and emptiness hovers like a cloud over us, and sometimes, we ask to ourselves:  Why do I feel this way? – What’s wrong with me?  Not knowing the answer, we just accept the feeling of emptiness and we carry it around with us, until it blends in our soul.  I know, I was there once.

To answer the previous questions:  Nothing is wrong with you.  Simply said, “You are out of balance.”  Your “wants” and “your truth,” are not in perfect alignment with your self.  This is why writing your own creed is important.  It serves as a reminder, a beacon, to where you are headed.  This is the destination that you mapped:  your dreams, goals, desires – all those things that make life worth living, and that are personal and different for everyone.  Put your creed in writing; carry it around in your pocket or your wallet.  Read it every day as a reminder of your goals.

Before writing your creed, think of what you believe, who you are in the core, and what you want.  Visualize yourself with your trophy, in balance.  Then, write it down as if it already happened.  It should be no longer than a paragraph, short but very clear to you – so you can easily read it every day.  That is your creed.

What you believe, you become.  “And the word became flesh…”  (John 1:14)

Writing – The Dream Approach

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Much has been written about dreams and their meaning.  There are many sleep clinics, and studies have been conducted on the subject.  Most people remember a dream, and for some, dreaming is as frequent as brushing their teeth.  While some hardly pay attention to their dreams, others, take them seriously, and analyze them, in search of guidance from the subconscious, or the universal mind.

However we happen to approach our dreams, one thing is certain – they are unique to each individual, and they paint a unique portrait.  When we dream, our subconscious is opening, unguarded, and we are honest with ourselves – there’s no hypocrisy in our dreams; they are rooted deeply.  They represent our goals, our fears, our preoccupation with daily events, or what we truly think.  Sometimes, they might appear meaningless or bizarre, or the result of a movie we had seen.  However, when you dig deeper, at your reactions and behavior in a dream, you can always find a piece of truth embedded.

For writers, dreams can be a bountiful source of inspiration.  One segment of a dream can become a best seller novel.  A great example of this is the novel Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.  Writer’s block can be fought with a good dose of dreaming.

So, next time you “hit the sack,” make sure to place a piece of paper and a pen under your pillow.  Your muse will be thank you for it.

Write it Down – Now!

Hesiod and the Muse

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During the weekend, my husband and I were driving towards an antique market.  The radio was playing Country music and the drive was smooth.  We would comment about a few things we saw on the road, from time to time.  Suddenly, I felt the urge to write.  You know, that nagging command in your mind that screams loud – WRITE!  I always carry a small notebook with me, just in case inspiration strikes.  I have found that when this happens, if I don’t write it down at the moment, it is gone forever.  I am not able to recreate it later.  I listened to my muse and this is what I wrote – a poem.

Ageless Soul

To have a young soul in an old body,

Oh, what is this punishment,

but to be trapped in this decaying shell,

withering to the whims of the body

and wishing the youth of once fresh life.

Is it the punishment of creation or the wisdom of the ages?

Either or it is but and arrow that pierces the flesh and numbs the heart.

 

Now, don’t ask me why, I just wrote what was given to me at the moment.  After I wrote it down fast, I put the notebook back in my handbag and continued the pleasant drive to the market.  The muse did not show up again that day.  Sometimes I wonder …

Dreaming Your Reality

Many times, we entertain fantasies of dreams and goals for the future, and we take them as far as we can in our minds.  The sad part is that as soon as we come back to reality, this is where it stops, and we delegate them to the file drawers of our mind, until we decide to fantasize again.  Why do we do this?  Is it because we think that there is no way we can reach our dreams and goals?  Or is it that the daily grinding puts a lid on our dreams?  Is life making it impossible for us to reach our dreams?  Living should be part of attaining those dreams; instead, we act as if by living the daily routine, we are removing ourselves from those same dreams and goals.  We end up adopting an “impossible” way of thinking, and instead, we replace our dreams with fantasizing about them.

The first step to achieve our dreams is to remove the word impossible from our vocabulary, and our minds, and from our belief system.  Let us adopt a different thinking.  What was one impossible becomes probable, then, it becomes possible, until it becomes a reality.  Many inventions have followed this path.  If we adopt this way of thinking, we will reach our dreams, turning them into probabilities, possibilities, and finally into reality.  This doesn’t mean that it will be an easy journey – it is different for every person and each person needs to learn the lessons in the process.  For some, it is faster than for others; it may even take an entire lifetime, for some.

When we give room to self-doubt and self-limiting assumptions, we are saying the word impossible, over and over, and we start to believe it.  Therefore, the next step is to remove the self-doubt and self-limiting assumptions that we entertain daily.

You can dream, but you have to be proactive at your dreaming.  To put it simple, you can dream that one day you will win the lottery, but if you never play a ticket, you are self-limiting yourself.  You are not acting on your dream.  What would someone think if you told them a hundred years ago that one day you would send them mail that will take seconds – you would probably use another way of expressing yourself, maybe by saying that you will one day send a letter that will take an instant to arrive.  They would have told you that time traveling is impossible or that you are going nuts; maybe even commit you.  An email makes this impossible possible.

This is just an example to illustrate that your dreams are not impossible; it is up to you to dream them into reality.  When you start working towards your dreams, step by step, little by little, as you make progress, they will start to look more real, more possible.  And don’t forget to send the naysayers an email when you get there.

The Healing Effect of Writing

Why do we write?  To inform, to tell a story, to leave a legacy for the next generation and more to come, and for many other reasons.  I say that writing is therapy for the soul.  The written word in a heartfelt poem is like the tear running down your cheek; it is like the cry, or the laughter, immortalized forever (that’s why you should mind what your write).

Writing provides an outlet for the creative spirit, and for any spirit, to express the deep feelings of the soul, the yearnings and the epiphanies, the dreams or the nightmares, the happiness, the sadness …  The simple action of taking a pen in hand (or any writing instrument) is an act of freedom, of expression – a catalyst.

You may argue that music has the same effect, and it too, soothes the spirit and elevates your soul.  But music without words is introspective.  It is only thru dance and movement that it tells a story – and movement becomes word.  Then it becomes the power of the written word – in a song, in a musical note that you can read.

Writing exercises the mind, and gives free range to the imagination.  Fiction is a good example of this.  Creeds, positive affirmations, all relate to the power of the written word.  It is as old as our existence, in one form or another.  It was the thing that God told Moses to do, when he gave him The Ten Commandments – a base for our society’s rules.

As writers, we hold a powerful instrument in our hands, an instrument to edify or to destroy, to bring growth, or to hinder it, to move readers (or to bore them to death) – an instrument to glorify creation.  By writing we appease ourselves, we choose to enter into a world that is only ours, or to remain in reality.  To write is to refuse to cease to exist – to give wings to your soul, to heal wounds, and restore the heart.